The good, the bad, the ugly...

[KND]

The good:

1. He did take the 13yo Friday for the day, picked her up at 11 and brought her home around 9 in the evening. She had a fabulous time with him and apparently got lots of undivided attention-something she desperately needs from him right now more than ever.

2. He did finally come get LO today around 6:30pm and took him to a movie and out to McD's. LO said he had a 'super awesome time' with his dad, and DH promised him he'd come get him Monday evening also to make up for missing out on time today (see below for THAT explanation).

3. He is still supposedly planning on taking bbKND to the Childrens' Museum for several hours tomorrow, something that she hasn't stopped talking about since he told her about it when he brought LO home tonight. I'm really glad she's looking forward to it so very much and hope that he follows through and she really has a great time.

The Bad:

1. I have been looking for the debit card to my bank account for several weeks now (see a correlation?) and all of a sudden I'm short about $250. To be more specific, I had $300 and now I have $48 in a matter of 24 hours. I've only written one check (for heat) that was $233 and SHOULD have about $70. The problem is that the heat check hasn't cleared yet, and now it's going to bounce. There are SEVERAL debit transactions/withdrawals that I knew nothing about that brought the balance down this low. I asked DH about it and he claims to know nothing, although 13yo mentioned that Daddy had the debit card and the bank even told me he came in and withdrew cash. He swore he didn't have the card, even thought I've looked EVERYWHERE and it isn't here. Yes-he had the card, yes I have it now, and Yes I'm taking his name off the account. Details about all of this below.

2. I am now beyond broke and waiting for my check to bounce to the utility company. Last night I talked briefly to Iceman (DH) about this and he instantly got defensive saying "Why are you constantly hounding me about the damn money?" and "Good grief, I'll pay you back every cent if that's what you want, geez" I pointed out this was the ONLY time I had brought it up and that it certainly wasn't hounding when I am only trying to figure out where the heck it all went. I heard someone talking and realized he was acting like this for THEIR benefit, just to make me look bad!!! I don't know who it was, frankly I don't care, but as soon as he was alone he was instantly nice and 'understanding' and kissing my ass about how great I'm handling everything and how sorry he is about all of this. I told him I didn't appreciate being treated like the PBFH around his friends because I am bending over backwards to help him out with all of this. Then he had the NERVE to snap at me saying he needed me to get him some groceries because I'd said I would try and do that and I haven't yet. Ummmmm HELLO???? I have TRIED to go get groceries but he wouldn't keep the kids and I had to leave the store to get everyone home! WTF??? I (nicely) pointed that out and he let it drop. Then I asked him where he was and he said he was at a party on the other side of town. Must be nice. Anyways...on to......

The Ugly:

1. He didn't pick up LO today until 5pm because when he came this morning to get him he was stumbling around and sick to death with a massive hangover. He came in and practically passed out on my couch, and when I woke him up he complained all about his stomach ache and headache he had, and he could hardly keep his bloodshot eyes open. I asked him what he thought he was going to do about LO??? After all, LO was looking forward to this SO much that the boy dragged himself out of bed on a Saturday AM, AFTER he had been up almost all night with a friend sleeping over, and showered (without my nagging!) and got dressed in a very handsome outfit. He even went and put on some of his dad's cologne and deodorant! He was completely ready to go two hours before his dad was even supposed to be here, and when he walked in he said "C'mon Dad, let's rock and roll!" at which point his dad went and laid down on the couch.

My son, with tears rolling down his face, hung his head and went to his room and bawled on his bed. After I hauled DH into the kitchen and asked him what he thought he was doing to his son, DH said "I don't feel so good, I'm going to go get some sleep and I'll come get him sometime later today". I asked WHEN????? And he said he didn't know but he'd call and find out where I am so he could come get him. I told him HE needed to go tell LO what was going on (just that he was sick, the hangover part isn't necessary) and when he'd be picking him up. He did this and left.

Needless to say LO was a complete basket case today. He was nasty as could be to his sisters and between having a major attitude and bawling, he was asking me every 10 minutes if his dad had called yet. He finally went and changed around 4pm into play clothes and told me he was tired from the sleepover and he was going to go take a nap. I said fine, and told him if his dad called I'd wake him up. He says "That's ok Mom, don't bother." I gave him a hug and said I understood how upset he was and we'd talk more when he'd had some rest. By the time he got up it was about 6pm and STILL no call from DH. LO asked if he could go wake him up (DH is staying 2 houses down from us with neigbors/friends) and I said fine, so he did. DH eventually woke up and did take him out, and LO had a fabulous time.

The point-

I think I'm starting to get in touch with my anger/frustration/resentment about all of this. I can be understanding about not having the energy to deal with being in this family full time, not being able to handle stress and needing to get away etc etc etc. What I can't handle is being too stressed to be a part of this family, but not to stressed to go be a bachelor for the night, blow off his son, and blow $250 bucks when I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul and keep the damn heat on in this house! What the *&#$%!#%@$&^%!*@% does he think he's doing????

Ugh
Thanks for letting me vent.

As always, opinions welcome. You guys are the best...

KND

[jaylind]

Hang in there, babe.  I totally hear you on the missing money....I've been there a million times.

To pay your heat bill...try //www.modestneeds.org

:)

jaylind

[StPaulieGirl]

Protect your finances, because they don't care why the check bounced :-(  Close out the account when you are able to, and set up a new one in your name only.  Lock everything up.  If he wants to be independent, then he can set up his own account and bounce checks.  Can you call the utility company and beg them to hold onto the check?  Of course there is still the problem of coming up with the money to cover the check.  Sheeesh.

I'm sorry about LO.  The ex emailed my oldest daughter saying that he would take her brother and sister for the day (we weren't sure if they were spending the night or what), so he would pick them up on Saturday instead of Friday evening.  He and his wife had an "appointment" Sunday.  Saturday morning rolled around, and the  16 yr old said he wasn't going, so my 9 yr old roped dad into including her 13 yr old twin friends.  Instead of going to the Aquarium, he bought them lunch and took them to the movies.  Actually what their father did was go out of town for the long weekend because they both have today off.  It's a real pain to try and make even simple plans when you don't know if their father is going to take the kids when he's supposed to.  Oh well, my friend is down for a week, and they've been playing Playstation, computer games, and Candyland right now.  The 9 yr old is cheating x(

You can't "make" him honor his commitments to the kids, but you can cover your butt in regards to your finances.  Good luck with this :-)