Haven't seen kids in 2.5 years, desperately need help / ideas

[archie]

First and most important - at this point in time, I don't believe that even if I could wave a magic wand and suddenly have access to the children that this would be a good thing since they are so brainwashed and against seeing me...

I live in Wake County, NC and I am looking for help for my children.

My question pertains more to what I can possibly do in order for my children to receive the help and attention they need.  The ex and her attorney have played a terrible and expensive waiting game - using the system and dragging out the process to the point where it has just worked in their favor.  They have successfully separated the children from their father.

My question is, the information I am looking for is, how to get the children into therapy.  They are 13 and 10 (a boy and a girl).  They are adamant in the fact that they do not wish to have contact with me.  They are very convincing that it was through my own actions that we have grown apart.  They are brainwashed, they have been involved in the divorce and the proceedings since this ordeal began (over 3 years ago).

I believe there are two separate issues here, but the system refuses to address them individually - the first issue is that I have not had any contact with my children in over 2 years.  The second issue is that there were false charges raised a year after the divorce process started.  Apparently, Child Protective Services can become involved, keep the case opened indefinitely without any movement or closure.  It is solely due to this fact that I have been prevented any contact or access to the children.

There is also documentation (a psychological evaluation) indicating that the mother is alienating, enmeshed with the children, and has involved them in the process.

While these issues drag on, the children suffer.  If I can't have access to them now/yet, I would feel much better knowing that they were talking to a responsible professional about the fact that they do have a dad who loves them, wants to be with them, and misses them very much.

Any ideas, comments, or thoughts as to how to move this process forward and to get the appropriate help for the children?

Thank you for reading,

Arch

[Ref]

I understand somewhat what you are going through. DH was also alientated and BM enmeshed herself with SD. There have only been a matter of months of non-contact, but contact has become unbearable because of the accusations SD makes that are sourced by the PAS her mom has done to her.

Anyway, without going through the court again and asking for a Guardian Ad Liedem (a lawyer to look out for your kids interest over yours and your ex's), I am not sure what you can do to get the kids help.

I do suggest, if you haven't gotten any yet, that you get treatment yourself. You are the only person you can control at this point and without legal intervention, you are the only person you can heal. Look out for yourself. Join a support group for parents in your situation or seek treatment from a qualified mental health practitioner. You may have to try out a few, because I truely believe more than half of the mental health providers are mentally ill themselves. Once you find a good one, you can start healing.

Best wishes,
Ref

[Fueledbyjava]

I agree about your assertion about mental health providers. I saw a psychiatrist right after I caught my wife cheating and she turned out to be a total wack job. I have found alot of comfort in the lord and my minister. I am not a super religious person but talking to my minister and reading in the Bible has helped me more than any therpist ever could have, just my two cents. I feel immense pain every time I have to leave my child with my STBX I cannot imagine not seeing your children for two years. My thougts and prayers are with you. Keep your head up.

[Davy]

Thanks for posting !  I know it may have been very difficult.  There was a time when I could have posted ... almost word for word...what you posted.  The same would hold true for many other fathers 'the system' has or attempted to disenfranchised from their children all to the detriment of the children (which you seem to grasp).

There are no known attorneys that post here ( use to be) but there is a lot of information documented in the article section at the bottom of the page.  These documents have been submitted to Sparc by others over a long period of time.  Hopefully you may find relevant info. in these documents.

As you know these matters are complicated and there are no quick answers.  It MIGHT be helpful if you could provide info about visitation orders, any mediation efforts, GAL involvement, children acting out, etc.  

I was blessed to recover and raise 2 sons ... but like she said NEVER the daughter............

[olanna]

and I could have posted what he did almost word for word, but make it almost 4 years, instead of 2.5.

All I can say is that persistance pays off...keep on trying.  My son came back home several years ago.

[Davy]

OH !  I'm sorry.  My mistake.  Everything is beautiful.

One mother compared to thousands upon thousands of children that have been robbed of their great loving fathers for 20, 25, or 30 years.

Please don't do this Olana.  This is a real societal problem and a great many children have been seriously damaged hurt.                

[olanna]

my kid doesn't matter at all. Only the ones that were robbed of their Dad's presence.

How about you not downplay the importance of BOTH parents in a child's life. This isn't a father's rights board...

It's a resource for parents that are separated from their children.

[John-J-Jay]

from my point of view and i defeated my ex wife in court for custody of my daughter. I know that fathers play a more important role in raising of the children. look at statistics a dad that is involved the child is 75% less likely to get involved in drugs, gangs, sex and even going to the pen. that being said the judicical system BLOWS and Dads need to stand up to make a change to the system that has screwed MEN/DADs over for many years.

A word to the DADS on this board fight for all your rights, don't let the system beat you down. GO for it now because now is what matters, not tomorrow or next week, next month or next year. NOW is the time that matters in your childs life and don't let the sexual biased system scare you off. I won and you can to. I've had and will continue to have custody of my daughter till she is 18. Her mother left when she was 2 and now she's 11, i fought her mother in court for 21 months that ended last month and I won. Because i was the best parent for my child. My point to the dads is do what's right for your kids and don't let the women take charge of your life and your childs life.

[Davy]

The purpose of my post was to encourage the OP and to give hope that the situation may not be as dismal as it appears and to inform of some Sparc resources.

Not once did I imply or say that YOUR child did not matter.

Nor did I imply or would ever imply that BOTH parents are not important.

I'm seriously offended to the term 'father's rights' board as if 'father's rights" (FR) is something real and if it did exist it is evil and anti mother.    All wrong.

I'm thankful for the men and women that gathered under the FR banner.
At first it was all men.  Judges hated us.  Feminist hated us.  A small but very vocal group of men disrupted practically every meeting because they only focused on child support issues while the rest of us were child advocates and child support advocates.  We got better as more and more women/mothers joined the efforts....

... nobody tippy-toed around in fear of not being politically correct.  A female attorney spoke with our group (Dallas,Tx) occassionally.  She ONLY represented fathers.  I feel certain you wouldn't get your panties in such a wad if you spoke with this attorney or the attorney that only represented mothers.  Stark difference.  

This site is not about Olanna or Davy...we're big boys and girls...whoops there I go again I mean girls and boys ... it's about THE CHILDREN.