PLS HELP!! Young Devoted Father Seeking Advice

[Father1]

I am in my early twenties and have come to a crossroads in my life i have a 3 year old daughter who means more to me than words can describe i have been there for her completely from day one being her father defines who i am and i don't know what i would do without her that being said here is my situation..

a very long story short my ex and i have been fighting over custody of our daughter we are on semi friendly speaking terms at the moment but we just went through a bunch of crap with her putting a restraining order on me because her family is controlling her "she says" i did file for sole custody on her just before that but only because i uncovered an online affair and plan to file on me and leave state she dropped the restraining order and i am refiling my custody papers to joint custody (50/50 is the only thing i will agree on) she is still wanting to move to another state to be with this man who she has never met in person and take my daughter with her! she offered me 70/30 but thats not acceptable to me this women has never had a job in her life and has anxiety that is so severe that she wouldn't even leave the house during periods of our relationship i do care for this women but firmly believe she is a deeply troubled person my dilemma is this i have agreed to not argue with her moving out of state with my daughter as long as i get her through parts of the year and it is equal i just don't honestly believe it is in her best interest to leave her home state with the mother to move to a place where she has no other family with her mentally and emotionally unstable mother. she would be much better off with me and i want more than anything for her to be with me i have a stable home where she has her own room a steady job and i want to raise my daughter. but on the other hand i do not want a nasty custody battle with her mother unless i have absolutely no other choice in the future i don't want my daughter to look back on this with disgust i know her mother loves her very much and i do want my ex to be in my daughters life but all of the things that she has done in the last year and wants to do with her future just seem crazy to me. there are alot of other facts that i haven't put in this post that make me worry about how my ex will care for my daughter without the support of her parents or without me close enough to make sure my daughter is ok im at a loss i don't know what to do should i try and get full custody or should i trust the mother and let her take my daughter to live out of state with the man she met on the internet but has never met in person im afraid of what the future holds... i just want whats best for my child, me and believe it or not my ex i feel so powerless every time i have to bring my child back she is hysterically crying begging me to stay home.. it tears me apart to have to see this and to have to tell her no i have had no luck with the court because i do not have an attorney and she does what would u do sorry im sure im rambling and this is just a piece of the story but i am just so lost...

[Fueledbyjava]

Get a lawyer. Document her erratic and irresponsible behavior. Focus on how detrimental it will be for your daughter to live solely with her, and back it up with proof. Do not allow her to leave the state with your daughter. Tell her she can go but daughter stays. Be careful she is going to come after you for all your money and is going to try and take your daughter from you. Don't be nice, hammer her to the wall with evidence and facts. Focus only on your daughter. Right now if she does have a bonafide documented anxiety diorder then use it against her. Do not communicate with her or negotiate. Get a lawyer and communicate with her only in writing with your lawyers advice beforehand. GET A LAWYER!

[janM]

Did you file to restrain Mom from leaving the state with the child?

Also, if you believe Mom is so unstable mentally, I wouldn't ask for split custody. If you could afford it, a psych evaluation would be good.

[Davy]

I agree with the other posters and adamantly hope you heed their advice.

I want to emphasize that the child should not be allowed to be removed from the state OR your immediate custody.  Please ONLY focus on the short and long term care and welfare of the child.

In my opinion, you should be alarmed if the child cries hysterically upon return.  It may not be about you staying home but that the child is very unsettled with the other parent.