in need of modification

[mom4good]

I posted a few weeks ago for the first time regarding my husband's crazy ex. Recap: DH has joint custody of daughter and has has since she was 3(she is now 12 1/2). Bm really thought that she would win, however, looked like a fool in court and lost horribly. She was dipicted as someone who never spent any time with her daughter, was a nasty slob and had a new job every few months. I came into the picture when SD was 5. I almost always felt a bit sorry for Bm and thought some things may have been exageratted, as exes often do that of one another. She supposedly left him for her boss that she later married was one rumor, she didn't cook, clean, bathe the child or anything that was domestic. She's one of those women that obviously spends LOTS of time putting on makeup and shopping for herself, but her kids always look unkemp . Well, I don't feel sorry for her any longer and now realize that what DH family always said about her was all true. She is a nut.

This summer SD went to visit, as she does 3 times each year for 1 week intervals...BM only has this much time, she claims. The day before she was to rt her, she told SD lots of crazzzzy  lies about DH and I and refused to rt her. SHe said that she had her in her custody and therefore had control. The telephone conversations were irrational and she talked more about Dh and her marriage....over since 1994, than she did the situation at hand. She makes accusations such as that while they were married he wouldn't feed her and she got down to 75 pounds..yes she told SD this and has told me this one before too. What, is she a toddler and has to be spoon fed!!?? Anyway, this is 1 example of her reality. I think that she really believes these stories.

My question is this...We will soon be hiring an atty to ask for modification. SD is scared to go there to visit, 6 1/2 hrs away, BM is threatening to make us abide by order from our former state that says e/o weekend...we lived miles apart, SD wants BM to visit at our home for the time being(BM told SD that the reason she was talking of enrolling her in school there is b/c we weren't going to come and get her b/c we "called" and said we weren't), BM didn't call for months after we got SD back(we drove all night)...I guess she was punishing SD. BM owes $9,000 in arrears(she used to tell us that SD wasn't her finacialresponsibility any longer since Dh was remarried(no, she never paid cs before we were married either). BM said that she doesn't care if she has to bring police to our house to p/u SD. She also emailed me to say that she obtained copies of paperwork that stated that I had filed for divorce 1 1/2 yrs ago(although I stopped the process 2 weeks later and we worked all out...kids never even knew) and that she would be showing to SD...yes she already told her and SD was very upset. BM tries to make us look bad in order to look better herself. I emailed her and told her that we do not sit and speak poorly of her to make ourselves look better, b/c SD knows how much we love her.

What are the chances for modification...soul custody...supervised visits...psychological examination?

[nosonew]

Document, document, document.  If you have emails, letter, or copies of phone conversations (I suggest this strongly) then use this to with-hold visitation as to your SD "emotional well-being".  It is unlikely DH will be held in contemt IFFF you have strong documentation of such abuse.  

**Meanwhile, take SD to counselor who she can talk to and will help with the problems occurring.  This counselor can also help on behalf of your SD if she wants "supervised" visitation.  

JMO  Good luck-Nosonew