What is sole custody exactly???

[mom4good]

Ok, Bm is a nut that fills SD head with hurtful lies, never calls sd and barely sees her. After she refused to rt her this year during her visit and then didn't call her for several months and showed her true colors to sd (she has shown them to us many times, but she just recently felt that sd was old enough to know "the truth". no, her truth is not reality) Anyway, we are hiring an atty and hope to get something changed with the custody. What is sole custody? Doesn't this mean that the ncp still has co visitation that is set. We want her to see her bm, but for her to be safe. Sd is begging us to not make her go. We've never left this as an option, but now we feel the need to protect.  I explained a lot about what happened in a former post with bm. SHe really needs help and is abusing sd emotionally, that is when she isn't busy neglecting her and prtending that she doesn't have another child. SHe is remarried with her own family in another state and when sd visits she always gets"oh, I didn't knw *** had a daughter". This makes my sd feel great considering this comes from friends, coworkers and bosses of bm. We have enough witnesses and evidence to proceed, but I don't know what we should be asking for here...supervised visits, sole custody...she threatened to sign over her rights at one point, but never did.

[Indigo Mom]

Custody--Legal. A legal status or "custodianship" vesting authority to approve all major decisions affecting a minor child. "Joint," "split," and "shared" legal custody require both parents' approval of all major decisions.

In cases of child abuse, and in highly contested custody proceedings where the parties can't communicate, sole legal custody may be granted to one parent, usually subject to visitation or supervised visitation. If parents with joint legal custody cannot agree about a major decision, then the court makes the decision. Courts often defer to the custodial parent, i.e., the parent with primary physical custody.

Custody--Physical. Relates to the physical location of the child. The adult with whom the child resides is said to have physical custody. Such terms as "sole," "primary," "shared," and "joint" are used to describe various parenting and visitation plans.

Most custody fights are fought over physical custody since there is usually a strong presumption of joint legal custody. Studies demonstrate that protracted custody fights have devastating effects on the mental health of children. Years later as adults, these victims still suffer.

[snaab93]

Sole Custody is basically this: The parent/Guardian who SOLEY responsible for the child in regards to religion, medical decisions, etc.  But remember, custody and placement ARE two different things.  This website has more detail on both.  PLEASE READ FURTHER IF GOING COURT OVER CUSTODY!!!!!!!!!  IMPORTANT INFORMATION BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The reason why I say this is because I am dead in the middle of one now.  I don't want you to make the same mistakes I've made.  

Okay, here goes.  Currently I am dealing with The Family Courts, Guardian Ad Litum, and also the Child Protective Services.  You can find my responses and questions in "Dealing with GAL" (Guardian Ad Litum) on this website.

First get an attorney.  They don't come cheap but make sure you get one that is fired up about making you are aware of your rights.  You need one that is pro-active and will help your cause.  Getting custody away from BM is very difficult.  My children's BM has been in and out of jail over the past two years, several times.  And it's still harder than HELL !!!  The usually allow 1 hour free consultation and can also give some insight.  Make sure this attorney is well known in the Family Courts circulation.  They tend to know judges and people you need to deal with and can anticipate and quide you more efficiently.

Second, DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT,  DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, and in case you missed it, DOCUMENT.  Include time, place, witnesses, etc.  Any pertinent information you feel will help your cause.  Place all of this in a separate calendar, notebook, folder, etc.  I keep mine on the computer and cross reference it in a pocket calendar.  Judges find it more PERSONAL when you write in as to just typing it in a computer.  Also, when you write it in, make sure you write "to the order of (YOUR ATTORNEY'S NAME)".  That way it can't be supoena'd away from you.  These are protected by Attorney/Client privallage.  I don't know exactly if this helps and the exact reason for the heading, but numerous people advised me toward it.

Third, report to the CPS (Child Protective Services).  Make a complaint to them about the behaviour your child has towards going back her BM.  Make sure they are aware of the documented facts such as witnesses with signatures- statements, and if child is in school, the behavior shown to the teachers as well.  They are a good resource since they see your child 1/3  of the time.  CPS has strict guidelines when it comes to investigating the abuse of a child.  From what your saying it sounds like emotional abuse, although difficult to prove, it can be done.  Also, seek help from the Family Crisis Center in your area and go by their recommendations.  It shows the courts and possibly the GAL (if it comes to that) that your taking every step possible to help maintain the well-being of your child.  Your child may need to talk to a therapist about what's going on.  The child may need to vent, etc.  When seeking a therapist, make sure children is their speciality.  They usually go about with play therapy that leaves a child more at ease to discuss how they feel, etc.  

Lastly, be patient but pro- active.  Because you are closest to your child, you can see and hear things more readily than your attorney, GAL, CPS, FCC, Courts, etc.  Listen and document.  This is a slow and pain-staking process.  Get ready to roll up your sleeves and make phone calls on status of what's going.  Get ready to be put on hold, leave messages, waiting for return phone calls.  The general rule of thumb is 24 hours to return a phone.  If it's outside that time frame, CALL AGAIN.  It only shows your truest and deepest concern for your child.  At the same time, check the Circuit Court Access on the web.  It'll show court dates, fines, arrests, etc (if any) of the child's BM.  Document those and have it ready for your lawyer.  If there's a speck of any kind, document it.  Every little bit helps.  Also, I am sorry to say this is only the beginning.  Custody battles take months, even years to distiguish.  

[Brent]

This might answer a few questions:

Different Types Of Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/typesofcustody.htm