I can't even believe this!

[tulip]

Today dh and his ex had an appt w/mediator. She has been trying to get out of it all week. First it was a $$ issue. Dh has offered to pay her portion. Then, this morning she said she was going to cancel because she didn't know how to get there. Then back to the $$ issue. DH assured her that he is going to pay for this appt.

She also called him this am to tell him about big problems she has w/the parenting plan he gave her. (I took the one from this site, changed it to fit our situation, and retyped it for him, with his input, of course.) Besides various other things she doesn't agree with, she has a huge problem with the statements about step-parents' rights. Now, this doesn't concern me much, because I believe legally step-parent has these rights anyway, if they are married to the child's custodial parent. But I thought it was a good idea to have that in the parenting plan because she's said several times that I can't volunteer at their school, go to their conferences and stuff like that. I told dh that when she brought this up in mediation, they would probably tell her she's cracked.

Then she called him back and told him that she's not going because ss is sick. This is total BS! He offered that he could come over here and stay with me if he can't go to school, of course she refused. He talked to ss and he said he had a headache. DH asked him if he was nervous about the meeting today and he wouldn't answer him. He asked if he okay, and he wouldn't answer him. Now if in fact, this child is sick, it's because she made him sick. She's been drilling these kids about this crap for the last three days, and now she's using him for an excuse not to show for this meeting. There is going to be a cancellation fee of about $100, and dh certainly shouldn't have to pay it, but if they bill her, she won't pay it. Then they will probably refuse to see them until it's paid.

She told dh this am that she tape-recorded the kids telling her that I wrote this document, not dh. I would really like to see her try to use that in court. I think the judge would tell her she is a mental case for using her kids like that and take them away. Besides that, I also think the judge would acknowledge that she herself uses someone else to do most of her typing for her.

I was so hoping and praying that we were nearing the end of this. Doesn't look that way now.

[sweetnsad]

I can understand your frustrations...My So's ex has been avoiding mediation dates, court dates and trial dates...anything to give herself more time to figure out what else she wants...She also uses the kids as excuses for EVERYTHING...

Good luck, it's hard but at least you are married to your DH...I'm still waiting for him to be granted his divorce...The more she asks for, the longer it drags on...

[hisliltulip]

I understand what you mean about waiting for the divorce to finalize.

After a short three month "marriage" to Psycho, DH's divorce was finally finalized after four years!  Needless to say, he and I finally married this fall, less than two months after the divorce papers were signed.

Hang in there, it will happen.  I thought it never would for us, but fortunetly the judge seperated the divorce from the custody proceedings for us!

Try to smile and realize that dreams sometimes take time to come true!

BETH

[doood]

my son was born in march 03, i filed to establish paternity in early june 03. long story short, in early october 03, the mediator called me to set up a date to determine a custody/visitation arrangement. i told the mediator i would be there ANY TIME the mother agreed to be there, it didn't matter, i would get off work. she called me shortly thereafter to say that the bm scheduled for early december. my jaw dropped because by that time it had been 4 months since i had seen my son. "well she already has that day off from work for another appt and with her new job and all she can't be taking lots of time off. you don't want her to lose her job do you?"  i said, "ma'am it's been four months since i've seen my son. i only want to see my son." a week before the appt the mediator calls to confirm the appt, first words out of my mouth are, "OH MY GOD! DID THE MOTHER CONFIRM? WILL SHE BE THERE?" she says yes there's a note she confirmed. 90 minutes before the meeting i get a call from the mediator and interrupt her to ask if the mother cancelled. another long story short,  she apologized that the mediation didn't work for me and wrote in her report that the mother refused to show.

[nosonew]

If your mediation was court ordered, this is how ours was WORDED in the order:
"Both parents are to attend mediation with ____.  If they choose not to attend, the meeting will take place with the parent that does attend and decisions will be made without the input of the parent choosing to not attend."  Each parent is responsible for 50% of the mediation bill due on the same date as the meeting."

I would strongly suggest your attorney send a letter to the courts requesting that wording such as above be added to your order.  Otherwise, bm will never show or pay.  

Our mediator told both parents at the first meeting that if they didn't want to come to the meetings, they didn't have to.  BUT, that issues needing to be discussed and decided would occur without their input and she would then write to the court with new changes and that the parent who didn't attend should not be allowed to complain or ask the court to change any order they didn't participate in (barring real emergencies, which consisted of death or proven hospitalization of the parent in question).  We ran into this when I had a scheduled c-section and bm knew the date, and requested a meeting that DAY!  Mediator was already aware of date and refused to meet on that day, but set a date 2 days later.  So I was there too, 2 days post c-section to support my DH! (With nursing infant also).

Good luck.