so very troubled looks so bleakkkk

[grandma of one]

Would be so very good for both parties to have joint custody is there
some way for my son to get free legal counceling, guidance to help
him get to visit with his child whom he hasnt seen in 2 weeks he's
so miserable and we don't know where the mother and child are
shelters in area are not telling if parent/child are in facility. Left
a message in Fathers issues under grandma of one. Please help
us were all so very very discouraged and troubled.
                                         
                                                            grandma of one

[MYSONSDAD]

One Year ago, I was in the same spot your son is in now. Went three long months not knowing where my child was. I now have an RO against me for not buckling my seat belt fast enough. Ex claims I would not leave the property.

Sounds like your son is dealing with someone very much like my ex.
Document every occurance. All communication.
Your son will need to take a Paternity test to prove he is the Father.
I'd also get a darn good attorney and try to stop her from leaving the State. If he can not afford one, try the Legal Aid Society in your area. Many towns have attorneys that will work Pro Bono in some situations.
If your family has had the child in your care, get documentation to prove it, medical, neighbors, friends, what ever it takes.

You are in for a very long, hard battle. Read as much as you can on this website. Get your son on here and let him research.

From what you have mentioned about the granddaughters mother, I think she just has never felt and been a part of a real family and does not know how to fit in. She sounds very confused.

I choose to take the high road. Keep my nose clean and put my child in the forefront of everything I do. He is the important one in all of this. And he is also the one with the most to lose.

I have put aside the problems my ex tries to make and I just concentrate on what is best for my son. And enjoy being with him.

In the mean time, be supportive. He needs his family right now. He will have to watch all his P'S AND Q'S. And work on getting that guilty plea reversed.

Good luck and God bless

[grandma of one]

Thank you so much, my son regrets his behavior, he is guilty of
domestic violence he slapped his girlfriend but, police weren't
called at that time he left for about 8 hrs that day from my
home. Girlfriend was told by myself (his mom) that I was picking him
up to bring him back home she made a sarcastic remark but, agree-
able so seemed, the minute he came in she shoves the baby at him
demanding he take her now! It's your turn with her and as always
when he's ready to take her she pulls her back and starts making other demands on him! i want to talk to you "Right Now" screaming at the top
of her lungs in my apartment i asked her to shut her mouth and to stop
her screaming in my home, she wouldn't and she became actively
violent pushing my son. I told her to quit again, then I told her okay
why don't you call your mom and make plans arrangements to live
with her were tired of your antics and I want you to getout! getout
Now! She refused saying she didn't have her moms number and
continued her violent manner, so I told my son to call the police 911
then I spoke to them telling them there was a domestic dispute! I
locked her outside the apartment until they came because i was afraid
my son and her would physically start fighting! as she continued her sreaming outside, sometimes calming down for a second I told
her I couldn't and wouldn't let her back in till the police got there
because she was so irrational.

[FatherTime]

This is BS!!

I see time and time again how so many people seem to think that it is ok to hide a child from a parent.  Isn't this kidnapping? No it's not.  It's actually called parental abduction.  But if it's done by a mother then everyone seems to think that it's ok.  It's not.

Call the police or the sherriff's department.  File a missing persons report and file with the missing child services available.

Don't worry about how the mother will be after she is found...find her and the child now.  I suffered for three long months.  I lost 30 pounds in less than two months.  I couldn't eat, sleep, or think of anything but about my baby.

What state has jurisdiction?  Read the laws of parental kidnapping.  If he hasn't been informed of any restraining orders...then most likely she isn't in a shelter.  Go to the child support office and see if you have any recourse through them.  You may have to wait for awhile.

WOW... I just read the part about her domestic abuse problems.  You called 911 too.  You have to keep that documented and use that to show that she may be just as violent as he is.  The great equalizer for your son.  She showed her abusive ways as well.  Don't forget to mention what you saw and experienced.  If she is in a shelter...then she'll have to answer for her actions to them as well.  

Good luck and stay here for more advice...this is a good place for comfort and for venting your frustrations.  

Welcome,

FatherTime

[grandma of one]

Father time
Its nice to get help from others rather than a lecture or critizisim,
all of the goings on is frustrating! Thanks for letting me vent, as
a first time grandma, I miss my angel too! I want to know she's
okay and that her mom isn't harming her in any way, there's so
much I haven't told here and I especially do not want the mothers
family involved with my granddaughter that's what I'm very afraid of!


                                         Thanks for the advise and the welcome!

[MYSONSDAD]

Start documenting everything you can, remember as far back as possible. Write down all the details of who said what, any witnesses, time, date, also write down the time calls are placed or received. If you have a cell phone, request detailed phone records every month. Get copies of all Police reports. When you talk with the Police, make sure you have the Officers name. If anything, he can back up whats going on.
I'd also get copies of any Police reports on her family. Might come in handy if she has had a very disturbing child hood. You can also go to the Court house and check DMV records on the computers.

Start doing your homework now! If your son is going for even joint custody. The sooner he gets started, the better. The more knowledge he can take in, the better off he'll be.

Is there any visitation thru the courts?

Just a word of caution, my son is my mother's only grandchild. She took it so hard, she ended up having a stroke and losing partial vision in her right eye. You need to try to cope. It's hard, but stress can do alot of damage.

[grandma of one]

mysonsdad,
Thanks for the post, had one hell of a night, gf called to my son on
his cell saying she's in a small town, Porterville where a close relative her grandmother lives, she says the police made her leave our county,
so she could file for custody. I'm assuming sole custody, well guess
what her own mother is in town from Tennesee, wants her to go back
with her but gf doesn't want to, so she's arguing and such so she says
with her mom and wants to leave there to get back here to live with
me or go back with my mom, where she actually has been residing
for over 13 mos with my son. My son then becomes furious asking her
what are you doing? I don't want your mom or your family around my
daughter! You know her family as said in other posts have not been
around or anything throughout pregnancy etc... my family has been
bearing the brunt of the situation this whole time! Then she has nerve
to say how her grandma has become attached to their daughter!
Excuse me, what about my family, my mom, she's been the one
putting up with her antics and all the fights between her and my son
driving her here and there for Dr appts, after Ciera was born she
as well has gotten up with her because mom claims she didn't hear
 her wake up! I'm so sad, hurt, angry and tired, my granddaughter
is suffering at the hands of these 2 idiots!!!!!! Yes you heard me
right idiots. My son claims he wants his daughter the next he's raging
and isn't listening to sound advise!

                                       grandma of one

[MYSONSDAD]

I know where your son is coming from. It would drive anyone over the edge. It's like a very bad nightmare you can not wake up from.

I think his first step, get a good attorney, file a motion with the courts in your county. Do this before she does. Has paternity been established? This is the first step. Once he does this, he'll be able to get some visitation [it may be supervised with your son pleading guilty]. If they both have a history of bad tempers, get him into anger management. He is going to need to show the judge he is willing to make all efforts for his child.

Your also going to need to establish that the mother and child have been in the care of your family. Doctor records would be great. I would also save any mail she had coming to the house, show she received mail there.  

It will benefit your son to look for some counceling. Start with an anger managerment. In many cities they have groups for fathers that get together and just vent. This might be helpful and he will also learn the right steps to take in his situation.

If your son is too hurt at this time, start looking to get him some help.
He needs to help himself, if he wants to help his daughter.

The first three weeks my ex left, I spent trying to reconcile. My mom wrote things on a calander. At least I had dates of occurences. Helped jog my memory.

Some of us take longer to get 'a grip on things'  Your son will have to do the leg work and get things together. It's an up hill battle with a 180 degree slope.

Get him on this board and look thru the article archives. He has got to start now.