Trying to avoid conflict. Posted on Shrink rap board as well.

[NeverGiveUp]

"I'm trying to avoid conflict, please help. Long"


           A brief intro followed by actual correspondence. I am desperately trying to avoid conflict. Please feel free to critique my end. Thank you in advance.

. . .
I've changed information that identifies anyone. Everything else is verbatim. I have repeatedly requested that my children not be left in the care of the person identified as "Unfit care giver". I have addressed this with my, X, my attorneys, my children's GAL, the courts, and my children. The person in question has been involved with narcotics, (I've presented proof to the courts) and is/has recently been on probation with CPS. This person is a threat to the well being of even their own children.

The child1 in question of therapy was engaged in therapy when a TRO was taken against me by my X. I've just received the child's report card which indicates failure in one core class and border line in a second. The teachers comments for second quarter where, "child is suffering emotionally and this is effecting performance". The lead in to the first corospondance was the X telling me child is doing fine. A follow up with childs theropist indicates child has not been intheropy since the day we settled in court

Child2 is in question of learning disability. School has advised further testing since last year. X has repeatedly agreed in court and then backed out afterwards. During our forensic evaluation X agreed to testing this past fall. It's on record in evaluators report.

The interactions . . . It's long and I understand if you haven't the time. The last response hasn't been sent pending critique.

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Dear CP,


I guess I don't understand "Child2"'s progress. From reading her report card it seems she's fallen since last quarter not gained. Mrs. "Teacher"s comments also seem to indicate an emotional problem. I'll call Mrs "Teacher" and talk to her further. I was unaware of "Child2"'s problems regarding riding the bus this past fall I don't recall her having those issues in the past. I realize that "Child2" doesn't want to go to therapy but I think that's even worse. She may be repressing something and I don't think that's good. Ultimately it's our choice. "Child2" shouldn't be thinking of it as punishment or something bad.

Regarding "Child1"'s education. I agree that "Child1" needs more help. However, when I spoke with "Child1" about the testing she was supposed to receive this fall, she mentioned that it never occurred. Is this the case? If so I think she should receive more testing as soon as possible to eliminate the possibility of a learning disability. If "Child1" is suffering from something like dyslexia I'm not certain a private school is the answer. As I mentioned last spring, there's a school in "place close by" that caters to gifted children with learning disabilities. I realize that "Child1" is opposed to going but if we stand together on the issue she'll have no choice.

Also, it has come to my attention that "Child2" is occasionally being left with "Unfit caregiver". I realize that there are times when you may be busy and need someone to get the children on or off the bus or that "Child2" would like to play with "Unfit caregiver's child". Just to let you know my schedule is very flexible and I can be there to get them on or off the bus with very little notice. Also, if "Child2" would like to play with "Unfit caregiver's child" I have made it clear to both her and "Child1" that I do not want them doing so at "Unfit caregiver"'s house. In the future if you are unable to be there for them please let me know so that I can have the first opportunity to watch them. If I can't be there then I understand you using someone else, or my parents are always available. But as you know I am uncomfortable with the children spending time at "Unfit caregiver"'s house.

I welcome the opportunity to discuss the children with you.


NCP

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NCP,

I would appreciate it if you would not patronize me in these emails.

You did not pick up the pieces around here from your participation of our inability to be humane about our divorce.

One of "Child2"s biggest issues emotionally was how you treated her on her birthday.. (I'm sure Mrs. "Teacher" will fill you in) She cried the whole day after her visit with you. And, that wasn't the first and only time. The end of the marking period was December early January. And i'm hoping to see improvements.

As far as her having trouble taking the bus, she always needed to know someone would be on the bus with her every morning at "Old house". Why do you think I had to pick her up all the time and she came to work with me at ld job". She was always afraid and we discussed it many times. She said she didn't know why she was afraid and that's when we brought her to "Old therapist(child went 2-3 times)".


And. "Child2"s is not left a "Unfit caregiver"'s house because I can't watch them. She plays with "Unfit caregiver's child" occasionally.. I think she was there once in the last month for a few hours after school while "Child1" was at afterschool activity.

As far as "Child1"'s testing.. it's scheduled for May or June. Her grades are suffering because she's just LAZY.... I have to go to great lengths, including removing privileges so she'll get her stuff done. I have removed phone and IM because she has been abusing the privilege and for the uncompleted math work.

I'm doing everything in my power to make them the best they can be and I don't appreciate your always making it look like it's anything less.

Frankly, if we could even become civilized and work together when it comes to the children, that's when our children would have the best chance... Right now, they are lying to both of us about different things just to protect our inability to discuss them.

CP

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CP,

I'm concerned about the children and I'm expressing those concerns for your considerations.

I'm concerned about "Child2". Her grades coupled with Mrs "Teacher"s comments indicate to me that "Child2" should still be in therapy. I'm asking that "Child2" go to therapy, I'm offering to transport her.

"Child2" has been left in "Unfit caregiver"'s care on several occasions. I've made it clear to "Child1" and "Child2" that I don't want them in her care ever. I think I've made it pretty clear to everyone how I feel about this. I agree that the children must be confused by the inconsistency. I believe it enforces that there's inconsistency between us and sets the foundation for telling lies. "Child2" knows I don't want her there. When I find out she's been there and then ask her about it, she lies to me. I would imagine this causes her some level of anxiety. Moving forward, I would prefer that they're not left in "Unfit caregiver"'s care for any amount of time and I'd like your support.

"Child1" was supposed to be tested last spring. I argued adamantly in favor of this testing. I was informed that "Child1" would be tested in the fall instead. I was never informed that the testing did not take place. I would like to be a part of the solution but I don't see how that's possible if I'm not being kept informed. I disagree with your assessment of "Child1". If nothing else I believe she deserves the benefit of the doubt. If she is in fact learning disabled then she simply can't meet the expectations.

If there're times that the children will be left alone or with someone else I would like to have the option to take them first. Even if it's only for a short time before/after school it's time I can spend helping them with their school work. Considering the close proximity of our homes I think the request is reasonable. I would be more than happy to provide transportation.

NCP