evaluation process...

[too_short]

Hey all,

thanks for your earlier advice/comments.  I filed for change of custody for my 8 year old boy.  I live out of state (about 2.5 hour drive). I received the records from the psychiatrist from his previous two visits (if you recall his mother stopped sending him to counseling), and saw that he was diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder.  From what I read, it's rare for this disorder to not be accompanied by other behavior disorders... but then he would need more counseling to address that.  Although it's just a name to the problems I've witness, it does help to articulate what's going on. He's mother is overly protective of him when it comes to my weekends and she gives him things to be "oppositonal" and "defaint" about.  There are a few things that we are not allowed to do (one example:  he can't get his hair washed).  So whenever we hit these issues (like
for example, his hair gets dirty from playing outside ), he locks up and sometimes goes into a meltdown because he's at an impasse (he also wasn't suppose to get his hair dirty).  Further his mother now has given him instructions to call
her whenever things do not go his way.  I have no problems with him speaking to her on the phone -- but this is going a bit far.  His mother also often thrust him into our arguments (but I won't give examples here -- too long).  I've also noticed similar things with the school.   As an example, whenever his mother is not feeling well, she doesn't take him to school.  However, the school doesn't accept  this as a valid reason, and marks it down as an unexcused absence.  He tells me doesn't think this is fair and so he has to tell the school that he is sick.  Also, in the beginning of the academic year when I told him that I spoke to people at school and they said he's been having trouble, he locked up and said "they're liars, all liars."  This struck me as odd; however, her mother  has been insistent that nothing is wrong with him to the school.  She only took him to counseling when they forced the issue (under threat of removing him from the classroom).  BTW, the school also has expressed their frustration to me in dealing with the mother.

I feel a lot of this will be revealed with a series of psych. evalulations.  Now I've read the blurbs on the custody evaluation, and it only entails a breif evaluation of the child.  This is by no means adequate, so how do I go about getting a more thorough evaluation?

best....

[Brent]

>I feel a lot of this will be revealed with a series of psych.
>evalulations.  Now I've read the blurbs on the custody
>evaluation, and it only entails a breif evaluation of the
>child.  This is by no means adequate, so how do I go about
>getting a more thorough evaluation?

Evaluations are all different, and some have more involvement of the children than others. All you can do is bring what you think is important to the attention of the evaluator. If things don't appear to be getting investigated properly by the evaluator, tell your attorney immediately.

Evaluators also like to see succinct records. One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*, so I strongly recommend using either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

Also you may or may not have read some of the following pages, but they all have valuable information in them:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm

The Parenting Evaluation Process
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/guide.htm

Custody Evaluation Practices
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/practice.htm

There are lots more. I'd suggest doing a search on 'evaluator' here, as well as other terms:

http://www.deltabravo.net/cgi-bin/search.cgi?Terms=evaluation&Match=1&Realm=All

[nosonew]

sounds alot like our old situation.  Over protective mother (extremely severe), major "rules" that are impossible for anyone to follow, thus causing self esteem problems and meltdowns, phone interference during your visitation, making excuses for child, not letting child be responsible, probably lets child "win" all the time at her home, etc.  All you can do is show him how the "real world" works when he is at your home, teach him about honesty and integrity, keep in constant contact with the school and get documentation whenever possible, document literally everything, and put a limit on the phone calls, as they are disruptive to your time with the child.

When you do go in for the evaluation, number 1, DO NOT start out with a list of her problems and what she is doing wrong.  Read everything you can on this site regarding custody evals, etc.  Take him to your own counselor, if you have joint legal.  Good luck!

[too_short]

for this since we both have joint?  

thanks.