Very LONG Sorry Custody at 17

[Kevinswife]

Hello everyone.

I am on here looking for any information that anyone could give me to help our situation.  First of all I am a step parent to a daughter that is almost 17 years old.  My husband and I have been involved on and off in her life as much as her mother would allow us to be.  Maybe we could have tried harder but we did go to court many times for contempt on the mother nothing ever happened.  She would promise to do things right and then as soon as the papers where signed she would return to her old ways.  The courts just always seemed to agree with her.  Like when she left the daughter home alone before and after school by herself when she was 7. She made us take her to court to put her in a daycare. (we agreed to pay for it)  She did but as soon as the papers where signed she took her back out and she was home alone again.  We did everything to get this corrected but never did anyone listen or help us to take care of this.  She was tardy 40 times in 1st grade.  That is not the abscences.

Anyway, the daughter called us about 2 weeks ago.  She and her step father of 12 years were fighting and he punched her in the mouth.  She wanted to come over.  The following day the school (I did also but the school beat me to it) called child protective services and took pictures.  My husband works out of town for two weeks and then is home for two weeks.  He was out of town.  This was on Wednesday.  On Thursday the mother picked the daughter up from work and said she wanted to talk.  She took her to the mental hospital.  (this girl is very intellegent)  They released her and she came home.  The parents changed the locks on the house, the mother took her name off of all medical records and they revoked her liscence because the mom didn't want to be responsible.  The daughter needed some meds and mom refused them.  When they finally let her in the house they told her that she had five minutes because that was not her house and she couldn't just come in someones house looking for things.  The daughters things were given to her brother and sister. There is so much more to the story but I want to get to my question.

My husband flies back into town and files a motion for expidited custody hearing.  We asked for full legal, since mom didn't want to be responsible anymore,  we asked for a minimum of physical custody.  The mother and step father went to court and fought it all the way telling the judge that we didn't know the daughter and we shouldn't just think that one argument with a teenager is a reason to let her come to us strangers and act like a family.  She wanted her daughter home with the family that loved her and cared for her all of these years.  I do understand that but my step daughter, as the judge said, is a very smart, personable, intellegent, strong willed, sophisticated young woman.  She was very adamant about not going home and the way her mother and step father were treating her was not showing that they wanted her home that bad.  The judge ragged on my husband the whole hearing which was about 2 hours.  He really didn't know all that happened in the last 12 years but he did know that we didn't try hard enough to be in the daughters live.  He was not happy with my husband and pretty much agreed with the mom.  

Finally, the judge agreed to speak with the daughter without us present.  He allowed us back into the court room afterwards and let us know that the daughter wanted very badly to live with us and that he was against it but since the daughter was so educated and intellegent he wanted to listen to her (he usually won't listen to a hot headed teenager as he said).  The judge gave us physical custody but mom full legal custody. He wasn't sure it was the best decision and was going against his better judgement.  He was going to let mom have weekend visits but the daughter said something that changed it to her just going over on her own time so that she wasn't obligated to going on weekends.   The mother rant, raved, and cried.  But said things in the court to show her true colors and I think by the end of the hearing he was much more satisfied with his decision.   We go back to court in six weeks because the judge wants to make sure that the daughter wasn't just seeing if the grass was greener over here.  He made orders for the mother to give her all of her things.  To set up visit with her brother and sister and a few other things.  So far the mom has refused to give her most of the things.  She won't talk to her but she did put some of the daughters things outside the door last night and called to tell her and hung up on her.   The mom has told her it is us or her.

So here is my question.  Since we have a hearing in six weeks should we do something about the mom not following the court order?  Should we wait for the six weeks or file something now?  The daughter wants her belongings and she wants to see her brother and sister very badly.  The mom has given her some of her things but is being so petty.  She took all of her pictures out of the frames and wrinkled them up,  she gave her the clothes that are to small, just little things but they are very big things to a sixteen year old that has bought everything she has with her own money.  How should we handle this?  Any suggestions?  Also should we be doing anything besides documenting to ensure that the daughter can stay with us if that is her wish?  The mother and step father are liars and just evil people and the daughter is seeing it.  They are telling the brother and sister things about the daughter and that is what they did to the daughter about her father and I.  She sees it all to clear and has stated it to her father and I.  Also I wanted to know about her medical and what rights we have since we only have physical custody.  The judge said that he won't even give us joint legal because we were not in her life.  He only knows what the ex told him in two hours.  The daughter has an injury to her back and she is seeing a bunch of doctors for that.  She is also depressed and seeing a psychiatrist.  Her father had to fill out new paperwork for all of this since the mother refused to be responsible and removed her name and information from the daughters records.  She went down to every doctor office and removed it.  So when the daughter went for an appt my husband had to fill out all new paperwork and sign to be responsible.   How can she do that if she has custody?  Any help or suggestions would help very much.  We are lost here since we didn't think the daughter would ever see her mother the way she really is.  We didn't even have to say anything she is doing it all to herself while we sit back and watch.  I truely beleive what comes around will eventually go around.  Even if the daughter goes home she will have seen how her mother really is and how we really are.

Thank you for any information you can give me.  I really appreciate you reading my long, and I am sure boring story.  So far things are great and we are treating the daughter just like our other five children.  She loves it and is happier now than she has been in a while according to her, her boyfriend, the judge, all of her friends and her medical team that she works with each week.  I just hope things stay this good.  If you have any questions that you need to know to help me out just let me know.  As you can tell I am willing to share my life story.. Thank you.  

[LizaLou1]

I am so sorry for your troubles.  This does not sound like something you should try to handle without an attorney.

Good Luck

LizaLou