I NEED TO SAVE MY SON**PLEASE READ**

[pita2577]

Hi,
 
My name is Charles  I am a divorced father with two children, now the oldest being 19 years of age and the other 12 going to be 13 in May. I have been divorced for 7 years now. Child support is not my issue here WHAT SO EVER! I have been paying like clock work and always intend to do so.
 
They are in the custody of the mother who was diagnosed as being a Manic Depressive and I believe in my heart a Hypochondriac as well. She takes these children to the doctor for the littlest things, it is like a day out for my son. He has stated more than once he hates going.
 
When my oldest son was 15 years of age,( over weight 320 lbs at least)HE CALLED ME AT 11;30PM and said he wanted to come live with me. I DID NOT have any conversations in ANY REGARD with him on this subject prior to this phone call and it took me off guard. I said to him OK talk it over with your mother and have her call me and I will pick you up in the morning. 5mins later she called yelling and screaming at me saying what am I doing, how can I do this. I stated the same as above and said  he called me, pack his bags and I will pick him up. She stated he is not taking nothing from this house except what he is wearing and let me tell you mister he is wearing underwear and a tee shirt. I told her she cannot talk in front of him that way and not to do this to him. I said I will pick him up in the morning.
 
The next morning she called all sweet and said she spoke to her lawyer and she said we had to do this legal through court. I also told her she will loose the child support as then it will become a wash(one for one) she said no way and when her attorney spoke to her she confirmed that, well now she was not going to give that up. ( I felt so good knowing I was going to get one son and felt the next one was inches away) a court date was scheduled and I attended Prose' she had her attorney. her attorney started speaking of something I knew about, but that was not why I thought I was in court. I raised my hand and the judge let me speak, I said I know what she is talking about, but that is not why I thought I was here, he asked why did I think I was here? I said to get the custody of my oldest son and went on to tell him of the phone call. HE GOT PISSED, REALLY BAD.
 
The judge started talking to L and her lawyer stood up, he told her to sit down that he was talking ( more like yelling) to L, he asked her if what I said was correct and basically reamed her up and down. He then gave a "VERBAL COURT ORDER" to her attorney and said he wanted my sons phycoligist to make a report as to where she felt my son to be placed. THAT NEVER HAPPENED.
 
My divorce came up and still representing my self, I walked into court still thinking one of my sons was minutes away from being with me all the time, knowing what the judge ordered, knowing it never happened I felt great walking in that room.
 
The clerk states 'ALL RISE" I stood up and in total dismay a new judge was on the bench. ( said to myself OK.)
The first thing I stated that there was an existing order of the court requesting a report from my sons Physiologist and it still has not been provided. The judge says, he does not regonize any other judges orders, I said your honor this is in regards to the health and welfare of my son, he said do you hear me I said but your honor, he said one more word and I will find you in contempt. I SHUT UP, I now felt it as a lost cause.
 
I got totally screwed as usual  in this divorce, it turns out we were his FIRST FAMILY MATTER and it took from December to September for this matter to be resolved by him, we had nothing, I do mean nothing.
 
He is now 19 years of age, has depression, high blood pressure because he is over weight, nerve issues etc. he is going to a community collage and has no focus on where he wants to be or what he wants to be. I watched from afar his demise at her hands, YES she took him to doctors hundreds of times and he has these problems , SHE NEVER CORRECTED HIS PROBLEMS, they just kept getting worse and worse.
 
She wants to be a mother but acts as a friend instead. This cannot be as she has proven she has no control. she does all she can get him the script, etc. but the reasons behind his illness she does or did nothing about and I hate to say,MY SON IS ALL CONFUSED AND A MESS. If someone wants to listen to his problems, he will talk a mile a minute, if not he could care less about you. He is like her now and I hate to say I may have lost him. I tried to save him but the judge screwed that up. I STILL HOPE I CAN SOME HOW!
 
NOW I have a 12 year old who is also overweight, 230 to 250 lbs. now has Asthma and other issues. I got a report from my health ins. and she has taken him to the doctor, once, twice and in some cases three times a month in the last 365 days. I am sure at the times he was feeling sick or had some MINOR signs but she rushes him to the doctors all the time.
 
I pick him up and he smells like a dog, I have to ride with the window open because I gag and my own throat swells as does my fiancee remember I said he has Asthma and he breaths this smell in all day long, will he ever get better? NO WAY.
 
This past Sunday I dropped him off and let me tell you when I had him he was beaming, smiling and sweet. During this weekend while speaking to him I seen something in his eyes, like he was going far away on me, this scared me!
he shows LOVE  when he is with us and wants to just be heard, which is all any of us wants.
 
Well anyway I dropped him off on Sunday and his mother came out of the house and this kid went from being smiling and bright to one of stone face. It was like she was holding a gun to his head. He was no longer affectionate, more cold and unsure then ever.
 
This broke my heart and I cannot let happen to him what I let happen to my oldest son.
 
I could go on and on and I hope to one day go on and on in a court of law.
 
CAN YOU HELP ME? DO YOU KNOW WHO COULD? I NEED TO SAVE MY SON TODAY BEFORE IT IS TO LATE FOR HIM.
 
Charles

[nosonew]

1.  Get an attorney.  Take out a loan if you have to.  Your child is worth it.

2.  Get him in counseling, NOW.

3.  Take him to your OWN doctor, don't tell her or him about it til you take him.  Get him on a weight management program, antidepressants if needed, PRESCRIBED from an MD.  (I have a feeling even tho she is wacky about doctors, if you have a prescription, she will refuse to give it to him). -this may make her lose custody, as MD over-rides bm anyday.

4.  Talk to him point blank. These questions:  (Do this one on one, NO ONE else present.  Would you rather live with me?  If he says yes, say this, "If I fight tooth and nail for you, are you willing to stand up to your mother and tell her, and any other person you speak with you want to live with me?"  This is crucial.  You will waste THOUSANDS of dollars if he is unwilling/unable to do this.  If he says, no, you may wish to push the question to get more info (like has his mother programmed him to automatically say no if you asked). Don't say that, but ask leading questions to see what is up with it.  

5.  If he is wanting a change to your residence, asap get him to a counselor, and unless it is specifically stated in your c.o. you notify her of this, don't tell.  AND, your first appt should be private (don't inform her) regardless of c.o.  Why? Because if he has serious health and emotional issues due to her in any way, you may find that the counselor will back you on the issue of NOT notifying her of the meetings.  Don't have child or tell child to lie about it, just not to talk about it.  If asked point blank, he should always tell the truth.

6.  If you're lucky, he may be in your residence within 6mo-1year.  A long time for a kid, but like tomorrow to us older folk.  

7.  Read EVERYTHING you can on this site, and ask questions frequently.  You may think you are sure about something, but get everyone's input just for good measure.

8.  Kids need their parents to literally fight for them 100%. You must be emotionally prepared for this.  Financially, it may ruin you, but hey, it's only money right? Can't take it with you.  And there is always bankruptcy down the road to help if needed.  

9.  Make sure when you talk to him that he understands the severity of this entire thing.  This is not a game.  This is not something he can back out of later.  He needs to be sure, you need to be sure.  If you are remarried, I hope your wife comes here for support, she is gonna need it.  

You should get some other good advice here as well, but #1, the talk, #2 The attorney (based on results of talk) #3 counselor.  After your talk, do #2 and #3 pronto.  I suggest a family law attorney.  Well worth the money and females think like females, keep that in mind.  (Could benefit you).

Good luck, we will be here for you!

[wendl]

I am so sorry to hear that your kids are going thru this.
Make sure you document everything, get all the school and medical records on your children.
Try to get him court ordered into counseling, speak with the school, teachers etc

I wish I had more advice for you.

[pita2577]

THANKS ALOT, I WILL TAKE YOUR ADVICE