Quick Question

[Endersdad]

Hey, I am new to this but I had a quick question for those with more experience I live in FL by the way.  I have been somewhat fortunate during my process.  My sons BM has signed primary residential parent to me.  In the mediation papers it states that I should provide the primary place of residence for the child and shall be responsible for his day to day management.  With regards to visitation it states there shall be and open and liberal time-sharing schedule with the child as the parties mutually agree.  

I have spoken with my atty several times in reference to what rights as the primary residential  parent I have in denying and allowing visitation.  I guess my real concern is with her living environment.  She has no landline phone and has been using her live in "freinds" cell phone which was broken the other day.  I do not feel comfortable with having our son spend the night there at all in the first place because of certain people she has hanging out there, let alone if there is no phone within a close proximty.  I have been trying to be very accomidating to her when she either doesnt have a car to pick our son up or has lent the car seat to a freind and hasnt gotten it back yet so she has no way of picking him up (just a few incidents, well documented).  Can it be detrimental to my position??

Another concern of mine is with her drug usage.  The reason for my contacting an atty in the first place was because she was admittedly using several very hard drugs along with her known marijuana usage and an incident where she was arrested for domestic violence towards me.  At the begining this was all taken into concideration but I foolishly listened to her when she told me she was clean and she was sorry for the way she had been the past year and she wanted to work things out.

At the time she was living with someone approx 250 miles away from us with no job, or car to travel back and forth and visit for approx 4 months.  I moved her back,  gave her a car and payed for many other expences along with not going to court on the domestic charges which were subsequently dropped by the state. Only to have her disguise her relapse with lies and false affection for me until almost immediatley following the mediation where she at least saw that it was on paper that she had not been concidered unfit.  

At this point my atty has said to follow through with the final hearing and after that file a motion to the judge with concerns of her possible drug usage and possibly have her tested.  Does this sound like the right thing to do, or should there be some other way of going about this.  Just to let you know  I dont doubt my attys competency its just he is helping me as a freind of my mothers doing this cheaper and I dont want him to take any short cuts or worry about the money being a factor because I will pay anything for it.
I know this was long I just feel it is better to get my point across the first time thanks for reading my novel and thanks in advance for any advise

Endersdad

[nosonew]

You need to make sure the child lives with you for 6 months, to establish he has a home with you before moving on, can't tell from your post how long he has been with you.

Secondly, at anytime you feel your child is in a dangerous situation, you should always follow your gut.  Also, your order is not specific enough for you to be held in contempt for not allowing visitation.  And if you document that visitation is approved by you if the following conditions are met : 1. working phone, which you also have the number to 2. habitable residence  3.  No one but blood relatives living in the home, with the exception of spouse.  This may cover you, but send it to her reg. return receipt, or have her sign a copy and have it notarized.  Something like that.  Good luck

[tulip]

I mostly agree with that answer, except for one thing. Many, many ncp's have roomates. Many of them can't pay for a decent home without one. I understand your concern about the people she is living with, but I don't think it's right to exclude all people from living with her.

I do suggest that you demand she submit to drug testing before and after visitation, if you are worried she is using when the child is in her care.

[Endersdad]

Thank you for your resonses I really appreciate the input my new concern is this.  This morning a recieved a call from my ex's landlord.  He is concerned because he has been unable to get ahold of her and her rent has not been paid.  I have had a suspicion that she has not had a job for the past 3 weeks (i called hre at work and the told me she doesnt work there any longer) she keeps insisting that she still does the people I am talking to dont know when she work..... anyways she is supposed to have our son tonight.  The landlors has also told me there has been some questionable things going on there including fighting at night and things of that nature.  I tried to get ahold of my atty but he is busy.  

I am worried because I have no RO so she can get him from school and just take off.  Does anyone know if I HAVE to go through my atty to get a TRO or can I start it myself?? thanks

Jon

[tulip]

I'd call the school and tell them NOBODY can pick up your child except you at this point. You are the custodial parent and have every right to do that. If you haven't mutually agreed, she has no visitation. If you have already agreed to this visitation, you'd better have a good reason for denying it. You can deny her picking him up, but you may have to answer for it later, in court.

I think based on your landlord's statement, I would say it doesn't sound like a good place for a small child to be spending the night. If you have proof that she has no job, tell her you want to know exactly what the living situation is before she takes the child on overnight visit.

[Endersdad]

Thanks Tulip I spoke with my atty later today and he told me the same thing.  He assured me that with my documentation and the others in the situation that are willing to help and back me up that she would have no room to try and pull anything later... Thanks again for the quick response.