I'm a father in need of advice...

[aurons dad]

To anyone who may be able to help;

My son was born October 22nd of 2003.  My wife and I seperated from each other November 22nd of 2003.   When we first got the seperation, it was under her counselor's advice.  She also had a restraining order put into effect.  On the restraining order were several things that were untrue, all written up by her counselor to make me sound bad and get the order passed, and my wife Rachel, signed it.

When we went to court, Rachel dropped the restraining order, telling the judge that most of what was said was false, including a history of DV's and several acts of violence which never happened.  Since this time, I've had to deal with her changing her mind literally every week between staying together and getting a divorce, all this while I was trying to see my son, Auron.

Since February of this year, I have decided on divorce due to the fact that I would rather us move on with our lives and be stable than go back and forth on her whims.  She has told several of my friends that she is thinking about adopting our son out once the divorce is final, or that she wants to make sure I don't get to see him because she "just wants to be rid of me".  

She is also currently trying to get a restraining order against me and have me go to anger management and several other things I'm unclear of at this moment, due to the fact that she only told me this today while yelling at me and saying I would never see my son again.  

Thank you for your time and any input you could give me.

Steven Hansen

[oneandonly]

she can't "adopt our son out", no matter what state you are in!
These "tactics" are typical, unfortunately, in many divorce situations.
Read everything on here....
get an attorney.....
be proactive instead of  re-active...
What state are you in, btw?

[Brent]

Some of these pages will apply more than others, but they all have valuable information:

Protecting Yourself During Divorce
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/protect.htm

Tips For Getting Started
http://www.deltabravo.net/news/10-19-2000.htm

How To Hire An Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/hiring.htm

Hiring An Effective Attorney
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/effective.htm

Success Factors In Obtaining Custody
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tips.htm


One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is better.

[aurons dad]

I live in Washington State.  As for a lawyer, I'm currently between jobs, (start new job next week) and have NO resources for hiring one.  
She is also wanting to change his last name to her maiden name when we get the divorce.   I was told that if she changes his name I'll have to get a DNA test to prove that I'm the father so she can't adopt him...otherwise she can.....so I was told.
And what exactly are PTT and OPTIMAL?  I wastold to get one of those services but I would like someone else's input on them and/or what they do before I "get one".

[kiddosmom]

I use the PTT because frankly we cannot afford the Optimal, It works fine when you figure it out.

I have all of last year and uo to today on this year on the PTT (Parent Time Tracker) It tracks exact hours you have your child/ren.

She cannot have his name changed, she can however ask for it to be Hyphinated, (sp?) she canNOT adopt him without your consent.

[Kitty C.]

She's blowing smoke up your backside to frighten you into compliance, my friend.  Proof with the name change.  As long as YOUR name is on the birth certificate, it is mandated by law that BOTH parents must agree to a name change.  After the child turns age of majority, only then do they have the right to change it themselves.

Beg, borrow, do whatever, but get an atty., read all the links that Bret gave you, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, EDUCATE, and DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.

[tjraid18]

mysonsdad from here lives in Washington. Maybe he would have something to add to the above info. I agree about getting an attorney, even if it's limited representation because of finances. If you can afford enough to get some help with the basics you'll be greateful later. Luck!!!

[aurons dad]

I have just learned also that my wife, who will be 20 in August, is looking to date a 16 year old friend of mine.  This wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that this kid just recently escaped from a long-term juvenile correctional facility for violent crimes.  I have known him for several years as he is my old friends little brother, and has on several occasions attacked her physically.  I don't dislike this person, but I worry about my son being raised around him.  

My wife has also gotten it to the point where I am sitting here in a public youth office, (open door policy and free net access) and she is in a back room.  However, our son is in the lobby with me and I held him for several minutes.  Upon seeing this she had one of the staff remove him from me and though she is just sitting and talking with friends, she will not allow me to see him for a few minutes because she is too busy.  
A friend told me last night about a pro-bono family attorney in our area, but I'm not going to talk to them until I take a few parenting classes.

My next concern is the simple matter of Parental Alienation Syndrome.  She is trying to keep him away from me as much as possible to get him to not be comfortable with me.  She told me that "I don't deserve to see him" because I decided on the divorce.  When she left, and we got seperated, I had no idea that she was going to pull the stuff that she is pulling, as it started with her leaving to do her normal daily stuff and me staying home and getting dinner ready when she got home.  However, when it came to dinner time, I got a phone call from one of the employees at this office, and she told me that Rachel had left a message saying that she was safe but she was going to stay the weekend at someone elses house.  

I thought it was odd, but I trusted her and did not expect that Tuesday, when I was going to file a missing persons report and kidnapping charges, that she would show up with an officer, a restraining order, and seperation papers.   She said it was her counselors idea and that she had only planned on being gone for a short while so I would see the mistakes I was making.  But once I corrected all of these mistakes, she still would not come back and proceeded to go back and forth between wanting divorce and being back together.  

It's hard sitting here listening to my son laugh and cry behind me and not be able to spend time with him because of his mother.
Thank you for listening, if you have any other information or ideas for me, they have all been a great help so far.  I've not started to keep track of hours yet due to the fact that I'm lucky to get a few minutes a week and it's hard to keep track of those, but I'm going to get a three ring binder to start keeping a journal of conversations, arguments, and times I get to see him.

Steven