Custody/Support New York

[caringdad34]

I recently went to court on June 22,2004 for the Custody hearing of my 1 1/2 yr old daughter. My lawyer at the time said to just settle and agree the best we could, no fight, just settle. Every Thurs. 6:30 pm-Fri 8am and every other Fri. 6:30 pm to Sun. 6PM were her terms. The arrangments were terrible in my opinion, my daughter lives 30 minutes away, one way. By the time i get home on Thur. night its 7:15 pm and my daughters bedtime is 9 pm, not much time to do anything.  I asked for Wed. night to Sun. night every other weekend. The babys mom said no. We have a temporary custody order for the Thurs and every other Fri to Sun. Court is July 22 to try to agree to something. My lawyer also tried to get me to sign for 17% on my wages, i offered 10% until custody was settled, and said she'd get 17% anyway. My lawyer was fired.
Today, June 29th we went to court for support with my new lawyer. She asked my ex's lawyer to work out a amicable deal and we found out my ex is going for full custody, i am also now going for full custody. My ex claims i was looking at adult porn on the computer while my 1 1/2 yr old daughter was in the house whether she was awake or sleeping and she has login proof. She had access to every move i made on the computer because th DSL company we had gave the head account that privaledge(i didnt know) plus she also had my password to my Windows XP. She could get on and use my settings anytime. Thats her main argument. Was i robbed of my God given Constitutional Right  of viewing legal material in the privacy of my own home, behind closed doors if i did view that? She was spying on me no matter what .
My main arguement is that my ex has a history of mental heath issues for about 16-20 yrs i know of. It was a concern, but i loved her and forgave her anger and depression fits for over 2 yrs. She is on Zoloft and was prescribed stronger medication while i was with her from Dec.2001-June 2004. She was told by 2 pychiatrists she was bi-polar while with me.  She didnt go back to either doctor leaving it untreated.. She also mentioned several times to me she also had suicidal tendicies.
Im sure she'll deny it now.
 I just want to know if we will be able to access her past medical history,all in New York, and do i have a strong enough case to go for that little baby i love so much.
PS  I have no criminal record, dont smoke, occasional drink.

[Bolivar OH]

Hey bro,,, don't sweat your porn stuff it means nothing/nil/zilch/naught.  I've heard of cases where one partner has flings with many, many other people.  The judge does not care. If that's all you have in you skeleton closet is looking at dirty pictures then you are one upstanding American citizen.  Mater of fact if you run for president I will vote for you.

As for you nut-case.  You need to show the court how her mental illness affects the child.  Just having a mental illness or having pictures of your spouse having an affair will be ignored by the court.

** You must show – "How her actions affect the child in a negative way".  That is what you will need to focus on.  That is what carries weight with the court.


p.s. every man on the internet whether they admit it or not has viewed web porn.  I remember when I was growing up (which was way before computers) we went over to my friends' house and looked at his dads playboy magazines.  Its well knows.  NORMAL guys love to look at beautiful nude woman.

[SallyandJack]

GOD - what is it with these damn bm's.

i wouldn't worry about her allegations on viewing sexual stuff on the computer.  however;  since this woman sounds so unstable...just have your guard up for potential future bs, esp when she see's you aren't backing down on this first hit.

for ex.  she can start claiming sexual abuse now while you have visitation - best to have witnesses with you when you have your child - just until court is over.

[NeverGiveUp]

Welcome fellow NYer.   Just to be safe why not NEVER admit to anyone about the porn.  Just say, "it wasn't me".  If the account was in her name . . . .

As for the full custody, unless one of you has committed murder you can both forget it.  You'll get joint legal no matter what.  

So here's what to expect.  First, your att will tell you how they're going to kick ass and take names.  It will never happen.  After the whole thing gets drawn out until you think it will never end, then you'll get your day in front of the court 'referee'.  The referee will bend you over until you scream and give most everything you have to her.  If your friends are telling you NY is a 50/50 state, they're sooooo wrong.  The referee will talk with your att and her att.  Then he'll talk to her and her att, then he'll talk to you and your att . . . .  If you stand strong for a good 7 or 8 hrs and keep telling your att (during your private time) that your not accepting less than 50% of the time with your child.  Then you can get one over night a week + one afternoon visit and every other weekend Friday till Monday.

The referee will most likely offer you a reduced CS package, cause he's on your side ;-).  It will last 2 years at best and then you'll pay the standard CS.

* Hint - You should invest in a digital micro recorder.  Bring it with you and turn it on whenever you're going into the referees chamber.  Don't tell your att you have it.  This way when the ref starts threatening you you'll have it on tape.

Did you write your letters yet? Here's a good place to start -> http://assembly.state.ny.us/mem/  Put in your zip, then tell them how you plan to vote.  Ask your friends and family to do the same.  If we don't start making a real lot of noise about this, then we should start learning to like it.

[Bolivar OH]

Nice rendition NeverGiveUp. :)  Almost felt like I was there.  Knowing what to expect help keep ones emotions in check.  Hopefully caringdad34 comes back and reads your post.