I posted this to Soc, but would appreciate any input. Thanks

[rebecca]

I went to mediation and then to a 5 minute court session.  Our mediation recommendation was made a temporary court order.  This order states the following:

9.  The parents shall select all schools, health care providers, day care providers and counselors jointly.  In the event the parents cannot agree to the selection of a school, the child shall be maintained in the present school, pending mediation and/or further order of the Court.

11.  The parent having actual physical custody of the child shall have the responsibility to properly care for the child, to provide responsible care and to arrange for suitable alternative care if necessary.

18.  Each parent shall exert every effort to maintain free access and unhampered contact between the child and other parent.  

Neither parent shall do anything which would estrange the child from the other parent, which would injure  the opinion of the child as to his mother or father, or would impair the natural development of the child's love and respect for the other parent.

19.  Should either parent engage in conduct which undermines the shared custody arrangement, it shall be considered that the parent is not acting in the best interest of the child and such non-conformance may be the basis for modification of this order.

The school Son is supposed to attend, he attended last year, starts in August after our August 13 settlement  conference and the same day as our court date August 23.  

I usually exercise right of first refusal by taking Son to Ex's house before I go to work and pick him up after on my parenting days.  I work M-F 8:30-5.  Ex is self-employed and work sporadically 7 days per week.  He takes Son to office or has his girlfriend care for him when he works.  

We have joint physical/legal custody, no primary, in California.

1.  August 23 is a Monday and is Ex's parenting day, what should I do if he takes him to his new neighborhood school, and not the school he is supposed to go to?

2.  Am I obligated to take son to Ex's before I go to work from now to court date on my parenting days when I know that he is going to take Son to a school I didn't agree on?

3.  Ex said when we go to court that he can just say that he took him to the new school as if it were a daycare, that he fully intended to take him to the school he is supposed to attend when it starts.  Will the judge buy this?  

4.  My son keeps telling me to stop lying.  When asked what I lied about SOn says "you lie to my dad".  Will this be seen as violating number 18 above?

5.  Will him taking Son to new school help me in a new request for full legal custody?

6.  Will the fact that he has already started the school Ex took him to help Ex get his way to keep him in that school which is far from my home?

7.  Ex is planning to get married in April 2005.  Will this make him look better to judges in future disputes?  Should I be looking for a husband?  Seriously.

Thank you

[wendl]

1) what grade is the cihld in
2) what is the exact date school starts
3) if he takes son to school how many days would child me in school prior to hearing

:)

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Peanutsdad]

>
>I went to mediation and then to a 5 minute court session.  Our
>mediation recommendation was made a temporary court order.
>This order states the following:
>
>9.  The parents shall select all schools, health care
>providers, day care providers and counselors jointly.  In the
>event the parents cannot agree to the selection of a school,
>the child shall be maintained in the present school, pending
>mediation and/or further order of the Court.
>
>11.  The parent having actual physical custody of the child
>shall have the responsibility to properly care for the child,
>to provide responsible care and to arrange for suitable
>alternative care if necessary.
>
>18.  Each parent shall exert every effort to maintain free
>access and unhampered contact between the child and other
>parent.  
>
>Neither parent shall do anything which would estrange the
>child from the other parent, which would injure  the opinion
>of the child as to his mother or father, or would impair the
>natural development of the child's love and respect for the
>other parent.
>
>19.  Should either parent engage in conduct which undermines
>the shared custody arrangement, it shall be considered that
>the parent is not acting in the best interest of the child and
>such non-conformance may be the basis for modification of this
>order.
>
>The school Son is supposed to attend, he attended last year,
>starts in August after our August 13 settlement  conference
>and the same day as our court date August 23.  
>
>I usually exercise right of first refusal by taking Son to
>Ex's house before I go to work and pick him up after on my
>parenting days.  I work M-F 8:30-5.  Ex is self-employed and
>work sporadically 7 days per week.  He takes Son to office or
>has his girlfriend care for him when he works.  
>
>We have joint physical/legal custody, no primary, in
>California.
>
>1.  August 23 is a Monday and is Ex's parenting day, what
>should I do if he takes him to his new neighborhood school,
>and not the school he is supposed to go to?

It  clearly states child is to remain in current school in the event of disagreement.  If he enrolls child in new school without prior agreement, take off work and go get him from the school.



>
>2.  Am I obligated to take son to Ex's before I go to work
>from now to court date on my parenting days when I know that
>he is going to take Son to a school I didn't agree on?

Are you obligated? No,, but I would do so anyhoo so long as he doesnt enroll child in new school. In the event he does, then simply get that matter taken care of. It's just my opinion, but if you suddenly cut off,, it hurts you in court. You want to be percieved as taking all steps to nurture and try to get along. If he decides to arbitrarily take school matters in his own hands,, then HE'S the one seen as being a jackass. ( Unless there are compelling reasons for the change of school).



>
>3.  Ex said when we go to court that he can just say that he
>took him to the new school as if it were a daycare, that he
>fully intended to take him to the school he is supposed to
>attend when it starts.  Will the judge buy this?  

Not likely. While our issues are real and big to us,, and we feel they are the most important things ever,,,, trust me, the judges have seen it ALL. I'm fairly certain that the judge will see thru that kind of BS. He'll likely see it as a dodge to the conditions of the orders. How the judge will REACT to it,, no way of knowing that answer.




>
>4.  My son keeps telling me to stop lying.  When asked what I
>lied about SOn says "you lie to my dad".  Will this be seen as
>violating number 18 above?

That depends,, on where he thinks he knows you are lying to Dad.  Example; if he overhears a phone conversation you are on,, and KNOWS you are lying to his dad......
Question here is,, why is he mad? He's angry about something and he's challenging you on it. What exactly is he intimating you lied about? Have you addressed it with him?
If he's hearing it from his dad, sit him down and talk about what ever it is. You might ask dad to cool it . You also need to document it all.




>
>5.  Will him taking Son to new school help me in a new request
>for full legal custody?

Dunno about that,, but it WILL be grounds for contempt. How the judge wants to proceed from there,, anyones guess. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


>
>6.  Will the fact that he has already started the school Ex
>took him to help Ex get his way to keep him in that school
>which is far from my home?

Hold on, he's already in the new school??? One other question,, who generally takes him to school and picks him up? If your ex does,, why not have the school thats more convenient? Sounds like you all could have a very workable arrangement considering your work hours and his. Trust me,, it beats having to pony up for child care.




>
>7.  Ex is planning to get married in April 2005.  Will this
>make him look better to judges in future disputes?  Should I
>be looking for a husband?  Seriously.

Will it look better? All depends on the relationship and why they are marrying. If he and his new spouse are happy, and there are no problems associated with substance abuse, spousal, drugs child, ect ect ( I think you get the picture.). Should you be looking for a spouse to look better in court?? Surely you jest.



>
>Thank you

[rebecca]

Hi.  My son is starting second grade this year.  Ex's neighborhood school started July 26.  The school he went to last year and is to attend this year starts on August 23.  This is also our court date.  He will have been in this school for 20 school days prior to hearing.

[rebecca]

Yes, Ex took him to school.  Son went to first day of school at this new school.
 
I already reduced my work schedule so that I could transport Son to/from school on my parenting days and one for Ex too.   I got my reduced work schedule in writing, signed by my supervisor, and served to Ex and filed with courthouse.

Son went to a different kindergarten also.  This is his second change.

Ex is living in his girlfriends house qualifying him for this new school.  He says they plan to marry, but what if they don't and she kicks them out of her house?  Then Son will have to change again.  

Yes, Ex has been transporting Son to/from school because he was unemployed from June 2003 to March 2004.   Then he started his own business allowing him the flexibility to pick son up (so he claimed), however his girlfriend was doing the transporting for us from March - June.  Now that she moved to this new area, she will not be able to transport Son.  Ex said that he will not be able to transport him either and he will not allow son to go to daycare, which is why I reduced my work schedule, so son will not have to go to daycare.  Ex's office is still closer to the school Son is supposed to be going to rather than this new school.  He only wants son to change so that his girlfriend can do all of the transporting for him.  

Ex claims that I lied in mediation to get the mediator to side with me regarding this school issue.  I did not lie in there.  I tried to take a pic of Ex cussing out the photoman at Sons t-ball game to use at mediation.  Since I took a bad pic, I did not introduce it.  I attempted to take this pic because Ex was claiming he needed full custody due to my anger problems that affect son.   These anger problems are 2 way arguments which I know are very bad for Son but they have only happened twice in front of him (still bad).  Ex told son before the mediation session that I was going to lie about the outburst he had at t-ball, Son didn't notice it, just us parents in the audience.  The man he screamed at would only provide his name and phone number for mediator to call.  

[Peanutsdad]

With the circumstances you describe, yes dad is attempting to circumvent the orders.


Go him one better, suggest anger management for both parties. LOL


I would definately bring up to the court or mediator that dad is discussing pertinent aspects of the case with child.

[rebecca]

I will do both of these suggestions.  Thanks Peanutsdad.

[rebecca]

He left me a message telling me that tomorrow (wednesday) will be the last day that he goes to this school.  He said that Son wanted to go, so he let him.  When all of this first started, I asked Son if he wanted to go.  He kept telling me he didn't want to.  He kept talking about his friends at old school.  I don't understand any of this.  I will ask the attorney, but the appointment feels like it is a century away.  Will Ex still be considered in contempt if he claims that Son wanted to go and he let him?  Son is almost 7.  Thanks

[Peanutsdad]

hehehe,, I think none of us understand,, but thats ok .

Sure,, it's still contempt,, BUT is it worth the 1-3k you'll spend in attorney fees?

By going back to the old school, dad can even defend himself by saying Gee, yer Honor, I THOUGHT we HAD agreed to the new school idea. But as soon as I understood we hadnt, I immediately re-enrolled him in the old school, Sorry bout that,, my bad :)


So,, is it contempt? yes. Is it worth the hassle? more than likely not,, simply because, you got what you wanted....child in his same school. Call it a victory  an let it go. Spend your legal fund on the things you NEED to. Thats a lesson I learned,, try to keep your legal bills aimed where and on the issues you need it for.