what will happen next

[hurricane]

I moved out of the house 2 months ago to protect my 12 yr old son from my wifes intense verbal  and emotional abuse of him, on the advice of our 2 family therapists. We have another son who is 9. we shared the kids 50/50 together for the first month until the 12 yr old became violently opposed to living with his mother. His rage and acting out over his mothers abuse have quickly resolved while he is living with me. My wife has borderline personality disorder but i high functioning
and improving as a parent with therapy.when we divorce and make a custody plan I would like joint custody of both kids.What are the options if my 12 yr old refuses to live with his mother ? Can the court force him too? Does he need a therapist to speak on his behalf?

[Lawmoe]

As part of any divorce proceedingwhere custody is contested, there should be a custody evaluation.  If your 12 year old will not see his mother, you should seek primary physical custody of that child and a schedule that can be followed.  Obviously, the child's thereapist will play a critical role in providing information to the Guardian Ad Litem or Custody Evaluator.

[Bolivar OH]

Lawmoe,

What's the difference between a Guardian Ad Litem and Custody Evaluator.

[Lawmoe]

Some states treat them identically, although tyechinically, they are supposed to fill different roles.  A GAL is a representative for the child and is appointed to represent the child's best interests.  A Custody Evaluator is inteded to be a credientialed and independent witness charged to investigate issues related to custody and make recommendations in that regard.  

A GAL is often, but not always,  lawyer.  A Custodian Evaluator is usually a psychologist or social worker.

[Bolivar OH]

I have a GAL and my problem is he.... well ..... doesn't really like me.
(Of course this is my perception since he did not rule how I felt he should have. :-)  )

To change GAL would be nearly impossible.  I am planning/strategizing to go back to court next year when my son enters Kindergarten. You know a "change in circumstances".

How can I "kiss A$$" so to speak, and put myself in a different light?  I mean professionally. :-)
I don't think sending X-mas, birthday cards would help.


Got any creative ideas?

[Lawmoe]

Does your GAL play an active role in the case now?  If not, there is little that you can do other than document any and all issues supporting your case for a change in custody (unless you want to offer the GAL personal massages).  Document, Document, Document.  

Also, it is often better not to vilify the other parent with the GAL.  Instead, paint a picture of what the change is beneficial to the child.