losing shared custody - out of state relocation

[heyu]

Divoced for 7 years & We all lived blocks from each other in NYC. My Ex & her boy friend have bought a house & moved (with out our daughter)to southern New Jersey, 2 1/2 hours away. She had filed for sole custody of our teenage daughter,(Better life in NJ). I have counter filed for sole-custody. The probation officer and court pys. have recomended sole custody & relocation to my ex.  I have always been and continue to be envolved in my daughters life.  I feel it unfair for her to be taken from my life as well as my families and her friends, because my ex. wants to move.  After years of working and our daughter coming home to an empty house, She quit her job, months ago to stay at home.  Yet our daughter fails in school.  I am good Loving father.  We are both going to trial without an attorney(can't afford one) Any suggestions on preparing and building a case?

[woodlark]

Get your daughter some counselling....my heart goes out to you. Fight.

[sbradbury2]

The only thing you can really do is prove to the court that you are the better choice for primary care and custody.  You have to show that your daughter's best interests lay with remaining where she has been for so many years.  A lot of courts do not like to disturb a child's already established lifestyle without some sort of extreme change of circumstance.  Just because mom decides to move away does not automatically delete you from your daughter's life.  Another thing... focus on the child.  Always focus on the child.  It is really hard to NOT verbally bash the ex.  I know that.  But, while she is bashing you... you take the high road and show the court that you are concerned for the child and not just there to argue with your ex over who did what to who and who didn't do what when they said they were going to.

Bottom line... the child is already established in your community and it's in her best interests to remain in your care.  You also will want to show the court that you respect the child's relationship with her mother and are the parent who is more likely to allow that continued contact.  Come up with a proposed visitation schedule for your ex.  This will also show the court that you are thinking about your daughter's need to have her mother involved in her life.  And, if the child has been a resident of NY for more than 6 months... here's a tip.... NY has jurisdiction over the matter, not NJ.  It's called the UCCJA (Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act)  So, you may be able to file a motion to dismiss her case and have it transferred back to your homefield.  There's also an affidavit that has to be filled out with that showing where the child has lived for the past 5 years.  Prove NY with you and you are bound to win custody.

There is a lot of good research out there on the internet.  You can start with //www.findlaw.com or go to your state website and look for a link regarding the laws.  This could be listed in either the judicial branch or the legislative branch depending on how your state lists it.  Also, you will want to do a search for your county courthouse and make sure that there aren't any forms that may have been forgotten.

**DISCLAIMER**  This is only my opinion and should not be relied upon as legal advice from a licensed attorney.  Furthermore, any opinion given (by an attorney or non-attorney) should be researched and reviewed thoroughly before using such advice in a court action.

[Reyna]

How old is your daughter and what does she want?

[my3sons]

I think this is some good advice and I'd like to just add a little bit.  First, what does your child want?  Second, you will want to research and compare the school districts.  It would go along with proving to the court that your child is better off staying with you.  If you're in a really good school district, and the one in NJ is poor, that will help you in your quest.  Good luck!

[Peanutsdad]

>Divoced for 7 years & We all lived blocks from each other in
>NYC. My Ex & her boy friend have bought a house & moved (with
>out our daughter)to southern New Jersey, 2 1/2 hours away. She
>had filed for sole custody of our teenage daughter,(Better
>life in NJ). I have counter filed for sole-custody.




 The
>probation officer and court pys. have recomended sole custody
>& relocation to my ex.

Why was sole custody recommended?? Typically only see that in cases of abuse, neglect, criminal activity or substance abuse. Does any of that apply to you?






 I have always been and continue to be
>envolved in my daughters life.  I feel it unfair for her to be
>taken from my life as well as my families and her friends,
>because my ex. wants to move.  After years of working and our
>daughter coming home to an empty house, She quit her job,
>months ago to stay at home.  Yet our daughter fails in school.
> I am good Loving father.  We are both going to trial without
>an attorney(can't afford one) Any suggestions on preparing and
>building a case?


With psych evals and custody recommendations onb her side, you'll be a fool NOT to get an attorney.

[Lawmoe]

Almost every state has a statute that relates to a custodial parent relocating the children away from the custodial parent. The laws between states vary broadly. In some states, there is a geographical barrier that is defined by miles, in others it is crossing state borders. In either case, there are very specific requirements defined by your state statutes that define how the relocation must occur.

In some states, it requires that the custodial parent notify the non-custodial parent of the move. This is usually done by certified mail and must consist of specific details regarding where the child will be moving, contact information, and in some states, school information regarding the school the child will attend. In those states, the noncustodial parent often has the option of objecting to the relocation or scheduling a Motion.

In other states, it requires an agreement of both parties to the relocation or an order of the court to allow the relocation. If you cannot reach an agreement, a Motion must be filed.

A good example of the notice requirement appears in Wisconsin Statutes, when a parent seeks to relocate out of the state with a minor child or within the state of Wisconsin at a distance greater than 149 miles from the non-moving parent that parent must first provide NOTICE TO OTHER PARENT.

If the existing court order grants periods of physical placement to more than one parent, it shall order a parent with legal custody of and physical placement rights to a child to provide not less than 60 days written notice to the other parent, with a copy to the court, of his or her intent to establish his or her legal residence with the child at any location outside the state.

OBJECTION TO RELOCATION The other parent then must file an OBJECTION to the relocation within 15 days after receiving the notice of the move. The OBJECTION should be served on the other parent and filed with the court.

The standard for allowing or disallowing the move varies from state to state.  Generallym the court must find that the relocation is in the best interest of the child. There is also usually a rebuttable presumption that continuing the current allocation of decision making under an existing legal custody order or continuing the child's physical placement with the parent with whom the child resides for the greater period of time is in the best interest of the child.

This presumption may be overcome only by a showing that the move or removal is unreasonable and not in the best interest of the child.  

Some FACTORS USED IN COURT'S DETERMINATION include:
(a) Whether the purpose of the proposed action is reasonable.
(b) The nature and extent of the child's relationship with the other parent and the disruption to that relationship which the proposed action may cause.
(c) The availability of alternative arrangements to foster and continue the child's relationship with and access to the other parent.

[heyu]

My daughter is 14 years old and does not want to choose between her two parents.  I respect that, she shouldn't.  Her 19 year old brother still lives in the house she was born to and she wants to live with him.  This would free her from choosing.  I told her to just let the people in power know "I don't want to choose, I want to stay in this area, where my friends and family are"   I am very PISSED!!!! with this whole situtation, my ex has spent her divorced years stiring the pot, making our share custody difficult, for me and our daughter.  She quit her job in Feb. and hasn't worked since.  In trying not to take all this personal I feel her moving is another way for her to remove our daughter from MY life.  Since birth I have been 100% envolved (Soccer, Brownies, School, just plain life, etc.) in the rearing of our daughter, a PRO-ACTIVE DAD.  I did contacted my old lawyer and he tells me the judge is a rubber stamp man.  Never reads between the lines and has a history of following the recomendations of the forensics & probations offficers. My fear concerning hiring an attorney is that in the past my ex, because of income, has been given one for FREE.  She has also in the past, miss-used this freebee and attact me with allegations, runnining up my court costs.  It is a real shame that some ADULTS can't  look into the eyes of teh ones we Love, OUR CHILDREN, and see what pain we put them through.  They are the victums.  I guess some are no more than children themselves, traveling lifes path in grown-ups clothing.