Thank You SPARCies

[FLMom]

I just wanted to take a moment and thank
the posters here and those that came up
the idea for SPARC. I've been here visiting,
reading and learning for almost a year now.
The few times I went into chat I was met
with nothing but support and wise words of
advice. My story:

I divorced my ex in 2000, 3 kids now 15(d),
11(d) and 9(s). Gave BF primary because I
did the divorce myself pro-se and didn't know
the ramifications or how that would come to
haunt me later. Moved in with my parents next
door. All went well for three years. Well, as
well as it can be, anyhow. Although I moved
from the next door home 10 minutes away it
WAS my parent's home and I was there all the
time. Long story short my mom died in 2001
and my dad in 2003. All heck broke loose after
that.

Ex and I both get remarried in the same month
in mid-2003. He marries a woman who's been
through her own custody battle, and she schools
him well. Even though the order of our divorce is
50/50 custody with him primary, he realized (I
think with her help) that he can pretty much do
anything he wants. And that's what he did. Moved
the kids away (only 40 minutes) and put them into
a different school district. Neglected to tell the school
that they had a mother, leaving me off of the school
forms. I had to show up with a copy of the divorce
decree to even be allowed AT the school. School year
starts and he tells me that now I am only allowed to
see our kids every other weekend and three hours
every Wednesday. There's so much more than this
----medical intereference, medical neglect, convenient
amnesia, etc. that I won't go into it all, but let's just say
it's been a year from hell for the kids and I.

As you know the court system takes its own sweet time,
and all of this finally got resolved about a month ago.
Oldest D had said she wanted to come live with me,
but ended up having to pick the lesser of two evils by
the time court happened. She knew that I would love
her no matter what the decision, and knew that her
father would "lose his mind" as she put it. I understood,
BUT she did go into court saying that NO, she didn't like
the current situation, and YES she did want to be with
me more often. SO. . . .

Ex wanted to keep the every other weekend and a few
hours every Wednesday. We got a rotating custody
agreement of W-F one week and W-Sunday the next.

Ex wanted to continue to allow his new wife to keep the
kids under her medical insurance and choose the doctors
and dentist. I now carry the insurance and our kids will
continue to see the MD's and DD that they've known since
they were born.

Ex wanted $10,000 he claimed I owed him in back CS.
Thanks to SPARC for teaching me how to keep detailed
records I was able to show I had receipts for that and
more. Ex got NO arrears.

Ex wanted $300-$400 a month CS. Ex got $225, plus I
now get to claim one child for tax purposes, something
that had never happened in previous years.

SPARC and all that contribute here taught me not only
the nuts and bolts of how nasty custody can be, but the
wherewithall to be strong and tough for our children.
Even my lawyer was astounded that I was such a hard
case when we started negotiations. Our kids now get their
mother in their lives.

An interesting postscript to the whole mess was that the
week following the hearing the younger two were supposed
to be with me while my daughter attended a summer course.
Even the judge commented that he liked that we could
work that out. A week later and ex had forgotten all about
it and claimed he never said it. Oldest daughter starts
referring to him as "my dad the liar". And I have to be the
one to say "whoa" and not allow her to speak about her
father with such disrespect. Isn't it almost comical? Meanwhile
younger two are left in the care of new wife's 82 yr old
grandmother for a week.

I have a feeling something I heard here is gonna ring true.
They may be legally "his" for now, but they'll end up being
mine for the rest of their lives. He hasn't learned squat, but
now they're old enough to see it.

Well, thank you all again for all that you do. Thank you for
making me strong and informed for the sake of the kids.
Sorry for the long post, but I wanted you all to know just
how much I appreciate you and why.