mediation when unreasonable?

[mango]

DH and BM were court ordered to mediation for something the BM is trying to force onto DH. DH is not agreeing to it, and the court is trying to stay out of it so they ordered mediation.

However it has been a hot topic for 2 years and neither party is going to budge mediation or not, that is why it went to court in the first place.

So....

What happens if DH is not going to budge and neither is BM? Mediation will offer no benefit to this?

The court expressed their "disappointment" that they couldn't work out the differences.

New court date is set for November.
Will it look bad if nothing got worked out?

[Lawmoe]

Going to mediation is never unreasonable unless there is an endangerment factor as a result of domestic abuse.  A good mediator can often help parties work through seemingly irreconcilable differences of opinion.

If you cannot reach an agreement, the fall back is to have your day in court.

[DeeDee]

I have no idea what state/county you are in, but in my state/county mediator can have quite a bit to say in court.

Depending upon the nature of mediation(what the issues are) the mediator can make a recommendation to the court.

In our case mediator saw both parents separately, all children separately, and then both parents together.  Since my dh's ex, tends to rant and rave inconsistences and outright delusions and other blibbering nonsens...mediator agreed with my dh, but also thought mediation, due to dh's ex's behavior in mediation would not be a viable option anytime soon.

When back in court for the next hearing, dh's ex complained a great deal about the mediators decision that there be no more child-involved mediation, nor any mediation at all..

So judge called mediator in to testify.....*shudder* it went extremely badly for dh's ex...especially after she "examined the mediator" on the stand. (ended with bm making threats to mediator--least of a long story short)..Judge ordered that no more mediation take place unless it was ordered by a judge first(as mediation is automatic in this county)...However, even now, judges are hesitant to order mediation in our case due to ex's behavior both in mediation and in the courtroom towards mediation.

So make sure your dh reads the information on mediation on this site.  To go in with a less than good attitude can have extreme ramifications.

So I would suppose a judge would rule that mediation is unreasonable long after it has been....so do not refuse mediation, but go in and show your best colors.

Dee

[Lawmoe]

Good point.

In most states, mediators are precluded from recommending to the Court or testifying.  The theory is that has a chillling effect on free discourse to settele the matter. In Minnesota, is by statute that mediation and mediation conversations can NEVER be raised in court.

[DeeDee]

Similar guidelines govern CA mediators(their report to the court cannot say what any party said...just what they'd reccomend--and this can vary from county to county within our state)...however, in our state, even if parents do not reach an agreement, the mediator can make a recomendation to the court.

Of course you can call mediator to the stand and question him/her...(probably questioning should go along the lines of the information that WAS not permitted to them)..However my dh's ex (who has no attorney, and even when she did, it  really didn't matter much,  blundered abhorrently and BOTH took the mediators reccomendation rather personally..and complained to the judge who (under mediation legislation) could not discuss with the parties what happened in mediation (fall's under the therapist/counselor/doctor/attorney priviledge).  A mediator can be called to the stand, and if said client or representative thereof asks specific questions as to "what they said/didn't say" it could be quite the experience for all involved...and if one or either of the parties opens a "window" then the judge may ask questions within said window..the more windows the more questions anyone in the courtroom, including a judge can ask. (does this sound right?)

In our case, during one of hundreds of mediations, one of the parents made a threat to the mediator when the mediator attempted to calm them....The mediator included said threats in her report judge, judge called her to the stand by himself to simply ask about the threats made....He could do this according to law.

DeeDee
(whose dh's ex has filed complaints against 20 of the 50 judges that we have been in front of over the last three years alone(does not include commissioners) we've seen in one county alone...means we get shuffled around alot...a whole lot...really sad when we are sitting in the back of a criminal court room waiting for a jury to make their judgement before yet ANOTHER judge has to hear yet another pleading from dh's ex..*heavy sigh*...) because dh's ex has filed complaints against ALL of the family judges in our county--even some she has never been in front of.)

[mango]

It's Ohio (Franklin County Court).

This is not the first time they have been ordered to mediate on any given topic. Usually the mediator sits and listens and interjects nothing. (They say they are not allowed to give opinions, only to monitor the discussions.)

So it usually ends up accomplishing nothing. Never has.

We are dealing with someone (the BM) who tries to impose unreasonable things on the father, that any father would reject. She pushes it to court and the court orders mediation, and says why are you wasting my time.  My DH usually feels bad if he doesn't "give-in" to BM's ridiculous requests, but he wants to avoid having to appear in front on the judge as not willing to work together either. (He is nice guy).

But BM's requests are insane. This time DH will certainly not budge.

Actually, I wish the mediator WOULD give an opinion.