help for custody during divorce

[daddyb]

I'M LOOKING FOR SOME HELP AS TO WHAT TO DO WHEN I FILE FOR DIVORCE AS FAR AS CUSTODY OF MY CHILDREN I HAVE A 4 YR OLD AND A 7 YR OLD.
   MY WIFE AND I HAVE DISSCUSSED AT LENGTH ABOUT CUSTODY NEITHER OF US WANT TO KEEP THE CHILDREN AWAY FROM THE OTHER BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY AND SHE DOES NOT SHE SAYS IT MAKES HER "NERVOUS"  WHY? BECAUSE SHE THINKS I WILL MOVE AWAY AND TAKE THE CHILDREN WITH ME
    CAN I GET JOINT PHYSICAL CUSTODY?  IS THERE SUCH A THING?

[jilly]

First off...where doyou live? That will give everyone a better idea on what specirfic suggestions/help you need. Especially from someone who lives in the same State/County you do.

It's a bit contradictory to say that you and your wife have discussed custody at length, that neither ofyu want to keep the children away from the other but she doesn't want joint physical custody because it makes her "nervous"? What's she got to be nervous about? What makes her think you would move away and take the children?

Yes, there is such a thing as joint physical custody but it's up to the judge to decide if you get it or not.  Start spending as much time as you can with your children and document every time that they are with you. Your wife is probably "nervous" about joint physical custody because she's afraid it will decrease the amount of child support you have to pay.

Rule #1...there are no rules!
Rule #2...be prepared for your wife to start viewing the children as extra income.
Rule #3...DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

If you continue to push for joint physical custody, be prepared for your wife to turn into the meanest, nastiest woman on the face of the earth. This may involve her trying to get a restraining order against you, which will effectively keep you from seeing your children. She doesn't even have to tell the truth to get one. All she has to do is say she's afraid of you and afraid that you'll hurt her and/or the children and *poof* you're effectively cut off from your children.

Thankfully, I personally have not had to experience this with my husband. But, it did happen to him when he and his wife separated. I know that this all sounds very cynical but if you read the posts on this board you will see that it CAN and DOES happen.  In the world of Family Court, you are the enemy and must be stopped at all costs. And it doesn't matter one bit to the court that the cost is levied against your children. If you don't have an attorney, I strongly recommend that you get one and be prepared because in the world of Family Court, the first one to the courthouse wins.

This site offers invaluable information and resources. I suggest you read everything you can on here to help you protect your rights to be a part of your children's lives.

Good Luck!

[daddyb]

i live in rhode island  
  I NEED TO CLARIFY THAT MY WIFE HAS AGREED ON JOINT CUSTODY BUT NOT JOINT PLACEMENT HOWEVER I HAVE SPOKEN TO A LAWYER IN MY CITY HE SAYS THAT HAVING JOINT PLACEMENT IS ONLY POSSIBLE IF MY WIFE AGREES TO IT.



    HERE ARE SOME SPECIFICS: I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 8 YEARS, SOME GOOD; SOME NOT SO GOOD. THE REASON WE ARE GETTING DIVORCED, IS BECAUSE WE JUST CANNOT SEE EYE TO EYE ANY MORE. THERE WAS A PIONT WHERE I WAS INVOLVED IN PORN BECAUSE MY WIFE REFUSED ME TOO MANY TIMES; I DID NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE, BUT SHE IN TURN; SLEPT WITH SOMEONE, AND HAD AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE ELSE. WHEN I FOUND OUT I WAS VERY UPSET; BUT I FORGAVE AND DECIDED TO TRY TO WORK IT OUT. IT ONLY GOT WORSE FROM THERE, BECAUSE THE MAN SHE SLEPT WITH LIVES UPSTAIRS, AND I AM THE LANDLORD; I GAVE HIM 3 WEEKS TO MOVE OUT. BUT THREE WEEKS LATER MY WIFE TOLD ME SHE TOLD HIM HE COULD STAY BECAUSE HE WAS HER FRIEND(BASICALLY CHOSE HIM OVER ME). I STILL TRIED TO MOVE ON W/OUR LIVES, BUT NOW SHE SPENDS MORE TIME W/HIM WHEN I AM AT WORK AND TALKING TO HIM WHEN I AM HOME.
    I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN TRYING TO AVOID DIVORCE AT ALL COST BUT AT THIS POINT I SEE NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE.

[wendl]

1st please don't use caps it means you are shouting.

Do you still reside in the marital home, if so STAY do not move out, you will eventually probably be forced out, but stay as long as you can, put important docs in a safe place and some clothes over at a friends in the event you are forced to get out and not have much time to pack.

Download the parenting time tracker and keep track of all the time you spend with the kids.  Freeze all joint accounts so your accounts are suddenly depleated.

I am almost positive that the use of Porn on your behalf will be used or tried to be used in court in the wrong way against you.

If you are forced to move out of the home, make sure you live very close to your soon to be ex so you can try to get joint residential custody.

Stay in contact with the schools and keep involved with your childrens education, and drs.

Get a different atty, its good to research many attorneys and make sure you get a good family law board certified atty.

Hope this helps a little.




**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[daddyb]

Can they use porn against me?
what about if my wife took enough prescription pills that were not hers but her friends to make her pass out and almost kill herself w/ that intention?
   Can i use that?

   Lawyer says if she goes into the hospital again to try to get ex parte order that will help any comments on this?

   thanks for both bits of info.

[wendl]

Yes they will try to use porn against you.

If she went to the hospital for the OD, have our atty subeana (sp) the records.

This is what happened to my dh and myself during dh's trial, moms atty used the fact that 12YRS AGO when I had my son, I was 20 and my ex 15, they called me a child rapist, and the GAL said I was grooming my stepkids to rape then. NO REPORTS EVER FILED AGAINST ME, so now I must be supervised with my stepkids, funny thing is I am with my son everyday of the year but don't need to be supervised with him.

Funny how when I was going thru paternity 12yrs ago with my son and my ex, no one felt I raped my ex, funny how the GAL in my dh's case talked to stepsons about their so called grandpa who WAS convicted of attempted sexual assault of a minor and is in non complaince for NOT registering as a sex offender YET the GAL didn't talk to anyone that knows me or my ex to see if they felt I raped my ex.  

They system is so screwed up its sad.  People lie on the stand so bad it's not funny. DH and I learned during trial that mom could lie her butt off, but dh and I told the truth and they believed the lies and couldnt get past the age of myself and my ex 12yrs ago.

Mom's atty used the fact that I post here and a post where I said the system and our GAL sucked against us in court. Mom has people stalking me on the sites I frequent.

So pray for the best but expect the worse, as for the stars and settle in the middle.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[nosonew]

1.  Take your computer somewhere and get ANYTHING related to porn wiped off your computer, asap.

2.  Keep records of what your wife is doing, when, with whom, etc.  If she is having an affair, find proof.

3.  Does she work?  Stay at home with the kids?

4.  If the house is in your name too, stay put! Kick his butt to the curb.  If she follows, say fine.  BUT YOU ARE NOT TAKING THE KIDS.  Whomever leaves first without the kids...loses.

5.  If your job allows, take some time off.  Keep close tabs on everything, be ready to respond at any moment.

You want JOINT LEGAL, SHARED 50/50 CUSTODY.  Yes, I am shouting now! Both parents should have equal access to their kids.  That means 50/50, not 49/51. If you take less than 50%, you are responsible for a huge chunk of c.s.

good luck, keep us posted

[Lawmoe]

See articles related to cusotdy and custody evaluations at the web site I am developing at http://www.divorceinstitute.com

It is at the beginning stages but those articles have been posted.