Custody Issues

[siberia]

I'll try to keep it short and sweet:

Divorce granted/finalized 1996 in the state of Texas.  Joint custody with one parent having the exclusive right to establish legal residence and domicile of the child.  Visitation in decree is standard every other weekend and one weekday per week.  

Around 1999, noncustodial parent was spending more than standard visitation time with child prompting custodial parent to offer a waiver of child support.  This was accepted and stands to this day.  

Beginning the fall of 2001, a parenting plan of 50-50 physical custody was agreed to by both parties and instituted at that time.  It was a screwy schedule that was designed so that minor child would not go more than four days without switching homes.  This became a nightmare in keeping up with school work.  Keep in mind that nothing was put in writing.  This was all verbally agreed to.

The following school year both parents agreed to a weekly schedule (7 days straight at each home) in an attempt to make things (school work particularly) go smoothly.  This plan has been in place to this day.

In the interum, the school work situation has not improved.  Plainly stated, homework, etc. is not followed up on nor enforced at the other parents home.  This puts me in a position of having to play catch up on the weeks that my son is here.  

On an even more serious note, the other parent has (IMO) gone off the deepend in several areas.  Where we were once always able to talk things through, I am now hearing constant negativity being verbalized to the child regarding me.  There have been several recent instances of my child running to a neighbors house in fear due to family members becoming verbally and physically explosive (throwing plates, knives, extreme yelling, etc) at the other parents home.  Suffice it to say, there are major anger management issues going on at the other house that I am having a hard time turning a blind eye to.  

Bottom line, my question:  I would like to go back to the original court order/decree insofar as physical custody is concerned.  I could care less about the child support issue.  I don't want money, I want my child safe, secure and thriving in school.  Will I need to get a lawyer involved or can I just state (via a letter) that due to the current state of affairs I think it best we return to the original custody agreement.  Thoughts?

[Skooter95]

From my understanding, everything that you have been doing and changing over the past several years has been a verbal agreement, correct?  If that is the case, then the only binding legal custody visitation agreement is the one that was court ordered and signed by a judge.
If your papers state that the non-custodial parent has visitation every other weekend and one weekday per week then that is all that has to be granted.
Keep in mind that this is my opinion.  If in doubt, I would contact an attorney to verify.  
One thing to consider though is that your child is used to being with the other parent more and how is this going to affect him emotionally?
If he is in danger, then I believe you are doing the right thing.  

[FleetingMoment]

>There have been several recent instances of my child running to a neighbors house in fear due to family members becoming verbally and physically explosive (throwing plates, knives, extreme yelling, etc) at the other parents home. Suffice it to say, there are major anger management issues going on at the other house that I am having a hard time turning a blind eye to. <

This is the part of your post that concerns me the most. When these incidents took place, did these neighbors at least call in the police? Are there any incident reports, calls to CPS, anything that can help warrant a change of circumstances reverting the arrangement back to its original state? I understand children are often within hearing distance of explosive arguments, but throwing knives and other objects greatly endangers the child no matter who else the intended target is. I would not be able to turn a blind eye, either.

This should definitely be your primary issue for the moment. The education is important, but I think going by that alone will end up just a matter of each parent blaming the other.

You could try writing a letter to your ex, continuing to exempt the child support, but without outlining the current state of affairs.  If you're lucky, they'll come to the same agreement. If not, you'll have no choice but to return to court. It's very important to have the incident reports and school records available. Either way, you should still return to court and ensure the final decision is concrete.  

 

[siberia]

Thank you both for your reply. I don't think I have slept a wink this weekend.

Unfortunately there were no reports filed with CPS or the police. The last incident has really pushed me off my seat of inaction. I guess I have always hoped for an "idealic divorce"; One where the child's needs are paramount to the parents desires/issues. I think I had that for awhile, but no more.

I'm working on a letter to my ex that will be sent in the morning detailing my desire to revert to the original custody order. In the letter I want to keep from blaming and focus on our son's need for a consistent over-seer of school work, etc. If he decides to ratchet things up in response, I will then cite the examples of extreme behavior that has occurred in their home. I'm hoping (dreaming LOL) that it will not come to that.

So, if around nine am central time tomorrow you hear a loud explosive sound emanating from east Texas...rest assured it is not the work of terrorists. It will simply mean that my ex checked his email.

[Kitty C.]

One thing you should be aware of, tho.  You can certainly go back to the original order, BUT you've established a 'precedence' with the current visitation, regardless of whether it's verbal or not.  If the other parent can prove it (receipts, records, etc.), the judge may order to maintain it, if you don't have 'proof' of what's going on at that house.

I strongly suggest you gather as much proof as you possibly can to back up your stand on reverting back to the original order.  Get copies of the child's school records or even statements (if they are also willing to testify) from the teachers.

I understand you're wanting to resolve all this between you and your ex, but from the anger you've described as possibly coming from their home, I seriously doubt that a letter would do much good, only to fan the flames.

And if what you described IS going on, LEA and DHS/CPS should be involved as well.  Teach your child that the next time he/she feels threatened like that, they MUST call 911.  Calling CPS alone isn't going to have much of an impact.  They take more credence in a 3rd party referral than coming directly from a CP or NCP, because the 3rd party doesn't have a vested interest.  BT, DT.  Then use whatever is reported on the other parent as further proof that the situation is detrimental to the child and that the original order should be maintained. You might also want to consider investigating whether there are any police reports (public information) of a domestic nature involving any adult living in that home.  And that if you do go back to court, a custody eval. might be in order as well.   Good luck.

[Lawmoe]

The first question is whether your agreement to change custody to joint was memorialized as part of a Court Order. If it was, it is enforceable.

The next question is what the standard in your state is for changing custody. Some states, like Minnesota, have a very high standard requirring a showing that the child is endangered in the current environment to change custody. This is a very difficult standard to meet.

Most states, however, based a change in custody  on what is in the best interests of the child. There is a presumption to maintain the current arrangement, but that presumption can be overcome by a preponderance of the evidence.

Be prepared, however, for a long battle. If you seek sole custody, your ex will undoubtedly do the same and allegations will fly.

[Bolivar]

Since at one time you were on speaking terms perhaps you could persuade you ex to post here.

The header on this site, as I am sure you are aware.  Information To Assist Fathers and Non-Custodial Parents "K e e p i n g   F a m i l i e s   C o n n e c t e d"

Since you are the CP, and he is the NCP, it should be NON threatening/intimidating/hostile to your ex to post here.

Going to court is expensive and time consuming and emotionally draining.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

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Excerpts from
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(actual courtroom testimony!)


Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
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Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.
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