Alligations

[T0052SC]

I am new to the web site and have been trying to read as much as possible.  My divorce has been going on now for 8 months and my STBX is now getting extreemly nasty that the evaluation has been completed.

She is constantly making alligations that I am mental unstable, interigating the kids and the sitters.  Through out the eval her story was the opisite untill the very end when she found out through the GAL that I have pictures of bruises that she had left on my dauter from when she rang her neck and hit her in the back.  How do I fight these alligations?  I have talked to my attorney and he said they wont hold up because it is a he said she said, but is this true or am I in for it because I am daddy.

Another thing is she is now trying to turn my kids agenst me because the eval did not come out and say the mother should have primary custody (it recommended an joint equal time).  She has had a hard time convincing my son but I can see a difference in my daughter.  How do I prove that she is practicing PAS?  Do I need to get an expert witness and if I do what field should they be an expert in.

Any info would be great.  Thank you.

[DecentDad]

Document everything, keep credible witnesses around you and the kids as much as possible, and keep your eye on the ball.

You can't stop any allegations, btw.  The best you can do is defeat them.

Document the behavior changes your daughter has.  Document the words coming from her mouth.  Tape record them, if you'd like (i.e., you're the parent and you can make such decision for your minor child).

I think the best expert witness would be the evaluator.  Tell your attorney what's going on, and your attorney will either tell you not to worry about it (as he did so far) or may want to contact the evaluator due to new issues arising that may amend the report.

You're doing well so far, much better than most dads.  If you got a 50/50 recommendation, your attorney and your evaluator seem to be doing okay for you (and the kids)-- so don't second guess your attorney's advice at this point.

DD

[Stepmomnow]

Hi

What about therapy for the kids?  If the ex refuses to allow it, you can probably get it ordered by the court.  A good therapist can help both kids make up their own minds, as well as advise parents better ways to help the kids.  

I would recommend an expert in children, and one with some spine, if the ex is hostile.  I have found that many therapists will not see a child if the parents are too hostile towards each other.  They tend to be conflict avoidant themselves.

[Lawmoe]

You must doument carefully days, times and events where your spouse has improperly involved your child in adult disputes or attempted to interfere with your parental rights.  If you feel the child is being affected, relate that  to the GAL or custody evaluator and/or seek counseling for the child. That counsellor can be a valuable witness in your case.

[T0052SC]

I have gotten the kids into theropy, but the STBX plays that she is the victem.  I have supplies proof of neglect and abuse to the therapist, and when the children's theropist questioned my daughter about the abuse she even told the theropist the my wife cause the bruises around her neck and on her back.  The problem that I am having with the theropist is she says my story doesn't match to my STBX's story.  STBX goes in bosting me as a father, and I have brought examples of parenting problems that my STBX exibits.  I question the utility my kids are getting from her, but it took everything I had to get the STBX to agree to the kids seeing the counselor.

With an expert I would like to show PAS and abuse is there a specific child expert for that area?

[T0052SC]

I have been keeping a journal of events with times and dates.  How do I get past this being a possible he said she said so the marital master understands what the STBX has been putting my kids through?

Another problem I have had with the counseling is the STBX loads the kids with what they are to say and not say and how to act.  My son is a mess because he is always walking on eggshells to make sure he says and does everything accoding to his mother.  I will get to take the kids to see the counselor on the first day I pick up the kids but at that point the kids are so pistle wipped by the mother they don't talk to her or even me.  I wish that I could take them after the second full day I have them but the office is closed at that time.  Any recomendations on how I can get the kids to open up with out distressing them?