Can you refuse?

[dipper]

Tough situation here.  A few months ago, we felt my ss needed counseling.  His mother did not like the idea, but dh was firm this time.  She was told ahead of time and she did not refuse - and she was informed in writing when we found a counselor.  She has primary physical custody/joint legal.  Once dh had it arranged, she completely took over.  While she fussed about it, she gave the counselor the opposite impression - that she is totally devoted to the idea of the child getting counseling.  Things have happened that should have clued the counselor in:
1 - bm said she would get the medical work-up done instead of allowing dh.............she took ss, but didnt mention anything to the doctor about counseling/behavior problems?  Now, how could the doctor do anything if he didnt have the right information.  He called the counselor after receiving dh's letter and talking with me on the phone.
2 - bm promised to call counselor if anything should happen between sessions - ss was suspended this week and bm didnt call.

Yet, the counselor insists that bm is very concerned and helps in anyway possible.  She also makes excuses for bm.  SS is in all special ed classes and has c averages.  But, he gets A's in class - just doesnt do any homework.  Bm doesnt set time aside or make him set down to do it........counselor says he is a 13 year old boy so he cant be made to do his homework.  

SS steals.  Yet, he tells the counselor he is behaving - and she says he is being truthful.  

SS wants to live with dh - told this in court in June, and has told counselor.  Counselor ignores this and says he is really happy where he is and wants to stay there.  

We feel that as ss' behavior is worse than before after two months of treatment and as the counselor does not realize who is the parent and who is the child - and thus who should be in control, she is of no use.  

DH just hired a lawyer who was hoping to have the counselor talk at trial in January, but now we know there is no use.  In fact, she will only hurt matters as she thinks bm is great and she thinks that ss wants to stay where he is even though he says otherwise.

Is there any way dh can get out of his responsibility to the counselor since she is not helping matters at all?  This is the second time in two months ss has been suspended - and the counselor's response is that some children get in more trouble, so that isnt so bad!!!  

If dh puts in writing his objections and his desire to terminate counseling, will it hurt at trial?

Any suggestions?  

By the way, dh was fully intent on taking ss to all appointments. But, bm will not let him.  Even on his days - she wont let him pick up ss until afterward.  

We are just frustrated and disgusted.  Dh did not have money for a lawyer in June - and this will probably be the only time we can afford one for awhile.

[Lawmoe]

The counselor, unfortunately, is likely viewed by the court as an unbiased independent.  Chances of changing a counselor at midstream are unlikely and it will look like expert shopping.

[dipper]

Actually, dh did revoke his consent.  Some incidents occurred after I posted.  We met with a lawyer yesterday, who did not have a problem with anything said in our letter, or the counselor's as far as hurting us.  The problem she had was that ss does need counseling - and we were the ones who arranged it and insisted upon it - which was kudos for us, but then we stopped without having someone else lined up - which will look bad.

She recommended that we call and find out availability dates on more credentialed, experienced counselors and turn those names, dates over to the bm asap.  

After speaking with a psychologist with 20 years experience yesterday, I felt a little better.  (however he has a three month waiting list) He said ss'  history definitely leans more toward conduct disorder and a licensed counselor is ill equipped to handle this - and ss needs a psychologist as they have more education, plus more experience with these disorders.  I told him about the diagnosis of adjustment disorder - and he said that is like saying your child has a cold - and many professionals, himself use that for insurance purposes so as not to label the child.  Which is what the counselor had basically said - that she applies a less severe diagnosis to children.  So, if bm does get him into a psychologist, things should go smoother.  If not, we will be frowned on for not having this arranged ahead of time, but obviously the child needs were not being met.  At any rate, we can only go from the hand we made right now....

Thank you!!