Dad tossed aside.

[Howard94]

Just found out on Friday that the mother of my child (we never have been married and have no issues with each other. We get along fine. ) has received order to head to Iraq in Jan for at least a year to 18 months.  Problem with this is. She probaly has known for months. She nevered asked if I would be interested in taking care of my daughter while away. She let me know that i could see her this coming up summer. She is leaving the child with her step father and little sister. I believe the Term "right to first refusal" and " substantial change in circumstances"does apply to me here. If i wasn't given first choice to my daughter . Do i get to over ride her decision to leave the child with her step father .
 From 2002 - 2003 my daughter lived with us while her mother was in Korea for a 1 year hardship tour of duty. Everything went well except for a few minor things. I have a lot of concerns with leaving my daughter in Georgia with her step father. He works all week. There are no other family memebers there to help out with the children. I was told that they would be in a afterschool program. My daughter will be 11 next month. The whole time she has been in Georgia she has been responsible for watching her little sister before and after school for hours at a time since she was 9 yrs old. To save on daycare cost.  She is responbile for housecleaning. If she doesn't get her chores done. She's put on restriction and it is added to the next days of chores. She hates watching her sister. I don't feel that she is being able to have a nomal child hood due to her parents making her pull more then her own weight.

In my home she would be able to be a child. Only worry about her school work and keeping her room clean. Play sports that she loves and doesn't get to do with her mom. She has three brother here that she gets along with very well. A step mother who loves her as her own and my daughter calls my wife Mom at her own choosing. She has many friends that she made when she lived with us and still continues to keep in contact with them to this date. There are more positives to her being here with me and my family then staying in Georgia with her step father and little sister. While my daughter live with us for that one year . We had very good communication with her sister and step father. She wasn't kept fom them at all. They were welcome to call anytime and my daughter to talk with them anytime.
 On top of her living  with us so we can share some quality time together . All of her Aunts and Uncles ,Grandparent live within 30 mins from us. We all get along and my daughter would be able to spend time with all of them and have their support as well while her Mom is over in Iraq.

I have talked with our case worker that deal with our child support. He said that he had never heard of a child being left with a third non custodial parent if there was a parent available to take care of thier child. That we could have child support payment stopped if she comes to live with us . Also that if we want the Mom to pay support , he would be happy to help us do the paper work.

If anyone has any suggestions on this please repond back. I believe that if all else fails and i still want her to come live with me. As long as i have our court paper to show that we have joint custody. I can fly down there after the Mom leaves and pick up my daughter with out any question from the step father.

Thanks for you time
Howard94

[MYSONSDAD]

"Children learn what they live"

[Howard94]

  There is nothing in the court order pertaining to the mother leaving for long periods of time with the military and leaving us with the child. I have 6 weeks in the summer and christmas every other year due to the  geographical situation. We have had no problems with summer visits. We shared 50/50 travel cost for the child flights every year .  We had my daughter for that one year while her Mom was in Korea. Everything went smoothly from the time she let us know she was given orders to go to Korea. We workd out every little detail so both side were happy and felt comfortable about the situation

 I thought the Mom would at least ask if I would like to spend some time with my daughter besides summer time if it ever came to her receiving orders to Iraq.Even ask if i would be willing to split the time she is gone with her Step father.  This doesn't seem to be the case. The Mom and step father have discuss things and made desion without informing me of any of it and that is suppose to be ok? If the Mom had let me know earlier like she did when she went to Korea and I chose to have her live with us. The military would of moved her at no cost to either party. But the military would of needed to of know almost two months ago to get the paper work started. This is what fraustrate me. She has known for months that she was going and failed to tell me and now it is to late to ask the military to move the child.
 I believe that I have the first rights to my child over the step father.I would understand that if i was a bad parent that hasn't had contact with her or did drug that would put her in harms way in any shape or form. Then another gaurdian could be chosen for my daughter. But that is just not he case here.   If she were to come live with my family. It would be a better situation all the way around for my daughter.  

howard94

[MYSONSDAD]

I think I would get my butt to an attorney. If Right of First Refusal is not in the CO, you might have a problem. What will help is the fact that she has been deployed before and left the child in your care.

Find it odd that her stepfather has a say in this...

[Lawmoe]

You must bring a Motion to change custody. Most likely the court will grant it on a temporary basis IF you live in the same school district or indicate that the child wll attend the same school.  The Court is much less likely to change schools.

[Howard94]

The child will be moving to Washington from Georgia. I found the Washington state laws that pertain to Joint Custoday laws. Washington and Georgia are both Joint custoday states. It states that  when a custodial parent isn't available. The other non custodial parent has first rights to the child. If the parent who physical custody decide to leave the child with another person besides the other bio parent. They must get permission first from the other bio parent. Only if both bio parents agree with the situation. Then can the child stay with a third non custodial gaurdian. IN my case. I wasn't asked at all and I do not agree wth the decision that was made without me. The other part of the joint custody law is that when a parent leaves the child with a third non custodial parent and there is a custodial parent who can take the child. That ,that parent is in a sense is breaking the law. Becasue they are interuppting with the child/ parent bond. There is a pecking order. The custodial parent first ,then the non custodial parent, then anyone after that if both parents agree or if the non custodial parent isn't available to take care ot he child due anything that would put the child in harms way. in jail or living conditions are not good. None of that pertains here with me. I should of had first rights and can envoke my parental rights because the custodial parent is leaving and can not perform her duties of taking care of the child due to "substantial change of circumstances"
That is where I am with this right now. I will be informing the Mother that i want the child to live with me during her time in Iraq  here pretty soon. I had to make sure i knew what my parental rights were before I let her know.

Howard94

[Imom]

You will have to file for Emergancy Temp. Custody on the grounds she is deployed. Any other fillings will be put on hold becuse of the Sailor's and Soliders Act.

[wendl]

Some of WA courts suck, they aren't as bad in Snohomish County, my friend lives in Snohomish County and has custody of his child but him and mom are civil and their son goes one week with dad one week with mom.

The other county I have dealt with all I can say is grrrrrrrrrr. When my husband went to pre trial the judge said he doesn't like awarding joint residiential, joint legal is just mumbo jumbo on paper in my opinion.

Best wishes.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[Howard94]

 I, my wife, the  bio mother and her husband ,we all get along. This is why I am so perplexed why she didn't at least communicate with us from the begining when she first got her orders to go to Iraq. She jsut sprang it on us and expected us to accept it as is. Instead of having three months to deal with things and comunicate our fears and concerns to each other. I am not happy with her way of going about things.  
Howard94