What to do?

[jtc1028]

My ex wife is trying to get me to sign over my rights so her new husband can adopt.  That will never happen.  We live approx. 800 miles apart so I get to see my daughter on holiday and summer.  Ex wouldn't do 6 weeks consective in the summer so it has to be broken up.  She is afraid that if my daughter stays that long then she won't want to go back.  She has a half sister and brother that she adores and loves spending with them.  They moved farther north in MN so as a nice guy I let them move the meeting spot so they wouldn't have to drive as far.  Came xmas she backed out of the extra time that I was supposed to spend with her so I told them that they had to meet us at the old meeting spot which was a 8 hour drive one way.  That has now made her want to ge back to court to try to have the meeting spot changed.  I really don't have the money for another lawyer since this is going to be done in another county.  First lawyer didn't do any good in the first place.  Any suggestions on what I can try to do.

[Gingermom]

Why would your ex even consider having you sign your rights over? It sounds like you are very much apart of your daugter's life. And you should continue to do so.  Q: Are you the NC parent or do you have joint custody? Q: How old is your daughter? Q: The extra time you had with your daughter during Christmas, was that 'time' in your agreement? ... You have legal right's to your time with your daughter.  I would start keeping notes. Notes on how often you keep in touch with your daughter...notes on conversations you have with your ex on matters - especially agreements.  Get your agreements in writing. I am going through court right now for my daughter, because I did not get an agreement on paper that I had with the father.  I appreciate that you want to be a nice person, and continue to be, but please make sure you will not be taken advantage of and (again) get it written down on paper. If the meeting spot is all she is concerned about.  You certainly can contest this and explain your reasons why.  Q: Do you know of your reasons? Q: Do you know of anything else she might bring up?...find out and prepare your anwsers and suggestions for the court.   Your court house should have information about going ProSe. Q: Is there any type of legal aide in your area? Again, if it's about a meeting place I think you could do that without a lawyer...just be clear and realistic and the judge should see that clearly.  Good luck

[jtc1028]

I am the NC parent and my daughter is going to be 8 in Nov. The extra time at xmas was I gave up a 4 day weekend in Oct to get her extra at xmas.  my wife was due with our son and i wanted her to be able to spend a couple of extra days since she wouldn't get to see him and her sister again till Easter.  My ex changed her mind at the last minute and said that she didn't "remember" to agreeing to that.  Then she tried to say that she didn't even get out of school until the 23 and we pulled her school schedule offline and she got out on the 19th.  I am going to try to get the transcript from our last court date because the judge was not happy with her at all.  My ex had the nerve to tell the judge that she didn't want me to have any part in my daughters life.  After we separted she kept her from me and said that her lawyer advised her not to let me see her until I signed the divorce papers which would of gave me every other weekend to pick up and drop off in MN when I lived MO.  

[EyeforKids]

Right now, you need to follow the order.

I think you've learned your lesson on trusting your EX to stick to verbal agreements.  Next time get it in writing and send a copy to the courts.

If she takes you back to court, you'll have to either go pro se or find the money to hire an attorney.   If I understand it right, she moved further away, so the judge just might make her drive more.

What about flying?  Considering the distance it might be an option that the two of you might want to consider.

Good luck to you!  You have many many years of this ahead of you!

[jtc1028]

Tried to discuss flying and my ex won't fly her unless she can fly with her and she don't have the money to do that even though she gets over $500 in child support a month.  I am hoping that a judge with go ahead and aloow the flying since it will be around the same amount for the ticket than what we both spend in gas and food to get to the meeting spot.  We will also get a special pass for both of us to be able to take and pick her up at the gates in the airport.

[Kitty C.]

PUSH for it.  Children can fly unaccompanied as early as age 5 non-stop.  At age 9 they can fly with one plane change.  With the distance you're talking about, it would be a piece of cake.  And the judge CAN order it against her wishes, especially if she's being difficult about visitation.  I had it ordered in our case 11 years ago....and I didn't even know kids could fly by themselves at that age!  And the judge is the one who made the initial recommendation.

And you're right about the special pass.  All your daughter would need is some kind of photo ID, and they WILL accept school ID's from kids.

Stick to your guns on this issue.  Make sure you have 'detailed' info on the costs of both modes of trans to bolster your arguments.  DS flew for 10 years between IA and CA.  IMO, it's the safest way for kids to travel, regardless of 9/11.  They have MANY safeguards in place and all regulations regarding UAM's (unaccompanied minors) are established by the FAA.  Millions of kids fly alone and for her to verbally balk at it in front of a judge is just more ammo for you as proof that she wants you out of your daughter's life.  So if she wants to cut her own throat on that issue, I'd let her.  It's standard practice in family court regarding LD visitation these days.

[MixedBag]

Three divorces here and 6 kids that flew all over the place.

Push it with the judge -- she can fly unaccompanied at her age and some airlines might even let her make a connection.

Skip the comments that mom gets over $500 a month in child support.  That has NO BEARING on the flying issue.  If mom wants to fly with her, then mom can foot her own bill.  I did for the first few trips my son flew because I wanted him to get used to the idea.  After that, I paid the unaccompanied minor fee and he was fine.

BTW -- passes are issued to parents even after the kids are no longer considered unaccompanied minors (which is around 12).  I still get a pass to meet my daughter (16) at the gate when she's perfectly capable of meeting me at baggage claim.  Done it both ways....just this past year.

The biggest thing is to go after the CP when they don't allow the child to come according to the order.  Don't let it happen too often (once IMHO for long distances) before you bring it back to the judge for assistance.

Your child suffers too much when the CP is allowed to interfere like that.

[Kitty C.]

You're right, MB.  I even got a pass for accompanying my mother, who has ARMD (a disease that has severely limited her vision) last month and will get another next month when I meet her return flight.  

The airlines are wiling to work with you....and the UAM fees may be steep, but it's worth it.  I do know that all that flying by himself has taught DS a lot about being out in society by himself, given him a LOT of self-confidence, and not to mention made him some new friends!

It's standard practice for LD visitations.  Do not, I repeat DO NOT allow the BM to refuse this.  It's BLATANT visitation denial.

BTW, I'm assuming you're meeting halfway right now somewhere in IA.  Somewhere on I-35?

[jtc1028]

We meet in Cedar Rapids which works because I can go to my mom's the night before she lives 2 hours from CR and the BM could go to her in-laws the night before they only live 3 hours away but of couse that would be to easy.  
I am hoping that we can go back to court and the judge will go ahead and say to fly her.  I think that we also have in effect that if the BM doesn't show up that she would have to go to jail for a certain number of days and can't be bailed out but I don't know who to contact to see if that is still in effect, that was almost 4 years ago.  Any ideas?  

[Lawmoe]

If they relocated, the court will likely have the party that moved bear the greater burden for transportation related to visitation. Very strong arguments can be made in that regard.

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