SLAPPING, SPANKING, ETC.

[chiquito2005]

My son who is now 7 has become more and more unruly and impolite... I was devastated when his cousins told me that he was misbehaving when he slept over and got to the point of using the "F" word and telling to her aunt "you're stupid"... He screams almost at every turn when interacting with others and even me. All the other forms of punishement are losing impact and he is poking fun of time outs... His mother spanks him and uses other forms of corporal punishement. But so far I haven't done that but my family, relatives, are pressuring me that I need to watch for my child and some good spanking and slapping will make a difference... just like we grew up. I agree with them 100%. Among other things, it is clear that spanking will teach him good lesssons because he wouldn't misbehave to that extent when he is with his mother who disciplines him with spanking and the like. What I am very afraid of is accusations of children abuse if I dare to spank or slap. I am the father and I am the non-custodial parent.

In light of the above, what is your comment from a legal standpoint? what has been the position of the courts about spanking and slapping? Is it illegal in New York state to use corporal punishement when disciplining a child? The last thing I want is to find myself in family court or under supervised visitation because I spanked my child. Please don't lecture me about those long, unproven and "politically correct" theories on how spanking is child abuse, talk to the child, affection, yadi yada... I practice all of that to no avail. I just need to know the legal implications if I am sued on the ground of slapping my child. Thanks a lot for your help.

[Dr.Stepmom]

I know you asked for no lectures about spanking, but I ask that you think about your own comment before you decide whether spanking will help:
"it is clear that spanking will teach him good lesssons because he wouldn't misbehave to that extent when he is with his mother who disciplines him with spanking and the like"

What good lesson does spanking teach?  It is OK to hit?  The stronger more violent person gets their way?  Violence is a good solution?

Sounds like these are the exact behaviors you are trying to show him are wrong.  You might consider taking parenting classes to help you learn how to best approach your discipline problem...not only will you avoid any possibility of abuse allegations but it will help you look good in front of the court (as well as be a better, more effective parent).

[HeavenSent]

But if you want the kid to behave, do it!  

I know all too well what a tough spot it is to be in.  We have had similar problems disciplining SS.  We have talked to him, used time-out, worked him in the house, worked him in the yard, took away privilidges...none of those things does the trick like a spank on the butt.

But we cant.  Because there is no doubt whatsover that judges, social workers, evaluators, etc. disapprove of spanking 100%.  If you are involved in any type of legal dispute, or think you might be in the future, DO NOT SPANK!  

Yes, it is legal.  No, you will probably not go to jail for it.  But be guarateed that it will come up, and it will go heavily against you.

[nosonew]

I believe only the biological parents can administer corporal punishment. That being said, there should be NO marks left on the body. If so, that can and could be considered abuse. So tread carefully, and I would apply very firm rules when punished. No TV. NO games, NO phone, NO friends, and work, work, work, work him. Make him dig a ditch if you have to. Make him NOT want to get in trouble.

Good luck...spanking isn't always effective, esp. after the "light swatting" period of preschool age.