Fighting for his kids

[cinnallen]

My husband was divorced from his ex-wife in 1996.  The divorce was filed and granted but the division of property/debts and parenting time was to be determined at a later date (this becomes very important later).  Soon after, the ex remarried and threatened to move with the boys.  TA (my husband) obtained an ex-parte order granting him residential custody.  The ex did not fight the order but didn't move either.  For 6 years, TA had residential custody of the 2 boys and they shared a 50/50 parenting arrangement.  More often than not, she gave up many of her days to work or party or just because it was easier to send them to dad's than to take care of them sometimes.  TA didn't complain and enjoyed his time with his kids.  He rarely dated as it took time away from his boys and they were his priority.  He did it all... field trips, coached sports, baked cupcakes and cookies for class parties, etc.

Six years later, we met and moved in together.  Later we found out we were expecting a baby.  All wonderful news for us and our family... little did we know what was to come!  The ex quit her job (suddenly a stay-at-home-mom), filed for custody and child support, and literally declared "war" on our family.  As my husband recently pointed out, "That is the only TRUE statement she has made since this whole mess began!"

First, she was granted "temporary" residential custody simply because she was now a "stay-at-home-mom" and dad worked 8-5.  Child support was set and the parenting arrangement was to remain "status quo".  Her first role as Residential Custodian was to change status quo (which she did easily because "status quo" was NEVER detailed as parenting arrangements were "to be determined at a later date" in the emergency divorce!)  Second, she reduced his time from 50/50 to the standard visitation...  Every other weekend and three hours on Wednesday evening!  Then she attempted to take what little time was left by not allowing the boys to visit on special days (birthdays, holidays, etc.), screening phone calls and the boys' email accounts - basically cutting off as much contact between the boys and their father as she legally could get away with.  She told the oldest son that TA was not his biological father and introduced him to the man she claimed was his real dad.  (Talk about PAS!)  She also filed a PFA against my husband, claiming that he threatened to kill her!  (Prior to the hearing, her "witness" failed to corroborate her story and eventually her own attorney helped set the record straight and the PFA was overturned the 2 weeks he lost repaid in full.)

That was her 1st attorney.  The ex threatened to sue him (or something like that) and she was reimbursed every penny she paid him and he was "excused" from her case.  The 2nd attorney made the mess with the "status quo".  But she too "excused" herself from the case after the judge in our county decided he didn't want to mess with a bifricated divorce (he wanted all issues of the divorce finalized before he would address it in our jurisdiction - the divorce was filed elsewhere.)  He gave them 10 days to settle it or he was moving it back to it's original filing jurisdiction.  Of course, nothing was settled and it was moved out of our jurisdiction.

Enter the ex's 3rd attorney (technically her 5th since she originally went through two attorneys when she filed back in 1996) - this one in the new jurisdiction.  We hear that she required $10,000 up front to even touch this case.  But even if it was just half that, the ex didn't care - she's not funding this little project of hers.  We have had ONE attorney all the way through this and we're fortunate that he accepted payments or we wouldn't have made it this far.  We had a child custody investigation in early 2003 (in our jurisdiction prior to the case being thrown out)  That evaluator gave residential custody to the ex with as close to 50/50 parenting time as she could for dad (mom having RC during school year with dad having standard visits and the roles reversed in the summer months.)  Dad agreed with recommendation.  Mom refused (and went on to harass all the neutrals in the report as well as the evaluator.)  We went through dispute resolution counseling in late 2003.  That evaluator showed that dad met all the criteria and should have residential custody according to our statutes, but recommended shared parenting (week-to-week) inthe interest of ending this for the children.  Dad agreed.  Mom refused (claiming the counselor was biased and unprofessional).  We are currrently in case management.  There has not been a final report made yet, but we have been told that she believes the parties should have no contact (making reference to school being a drop-off and pick-up point) and that the boys deserve equal time with both parents (suggesting a 50/50 arrangement as they had before the ex filed for custody!)

The bottom line... this woman is refusing to finalize the divorce and get this case moved back to our jurisdiction because she has burned her bridges with the attorneys, police, judges and people at home and does not feel she will get a "fair hearing" (she does not believe she can win here and she probably can't.)  The kids are going through hell.  Our family is going through hell.  And to top it all off our attorney is closing his practice.  This is already a long post, and there is so much I left out... Any advice?  Anybody else going through the same thing and how do we get out of this?  My husband is considering going pro se (if it's necessary when the ex fights this recommendation as well).  He talks about having a "coach" help him with the legal aspects, filing, motions, witnesses, etc.  

Thanks, CA