Where do we start.

[fairmomma]

I am currently 9 months pregnant and living in the state of Michigan. The father and I are not involved but we are friends. We want to work out our own custody plan and file it with the courts. I would like to keep the state out of it, because I feel they 'cause unnecessary drama.  I recieve some state assistance, so I know that because of this the state is going to go after him for child support. How can I keep them from getting involved, and where do we begin for filing our own custody and child support plan?

[Kitty C.]

You can't........if you get any state assistance, they will be involved.  And be very careful about coming to an agreement on custody.  Find out how your local courts operate...some judges will accept an agreement that both parents have made and some won't, which means you will have to go through the whole legal process, whether you want to or not.

Bottom line, get an agreement filed with the court (regardless of how you have to do it) because it's the only way to ensure the child is protected.  Also consider looking at the sample parenting plans on this site.  Remember that when you're going through this process, you have to consider not just infancy, but all the way through to adulthood. 

Also realize that you may not be able to plan for everything, so there probably will be a time where you will have to modify the order.  Make sure everything is specific...dates and times, splitting holidays, taking care of medical (insurance, OOP costs, appts, etc).  One other thing........make absolute sure that the agreement does not have the words 'reasonable' and 'liberal' or any other word that be left up to personal interpretation.  Neither parent has power over the other, neither parent is better than the other, so if you have a disagreement about anything, you will need to go back and re-evaluate your original order.  Whatever you do come up with MUST be made into an order or it's not worth the paper it's printed on.

Personally, I don't recommend you do this by yourselves.  If you do both agree to a majority of things, then get someone (atty., paralegal, whomever) who can dot the i's and cross the t's to make sure it's legal.  But a lot will depend on how these things are handled in your jurisdiction.

[ocean]

If you truley can work it out then do not file anuthing with the court and just be civil and work it out amongst yourselves. The problem is when one of you disagree and then the other will take it to court...

[Giggles]

Truly the only way to keep the state out of things is to get off state support.  If that isn't possible, and they go after him for CS, then you could agree that you would refund some of that money back to him.  Of course you wouldn't be able to get that into any kind of court order and if there is a disagreement down the road, you could skrew him big time.

I do agree with Kitty and Ocean, you need to get a CONCRETE parenting plan in place that is highly specific and fair.