Joint Physical custody quest

[wrb]

While I was awarded the standard custody time with my daughter my plans are to petition the court for additional time when she turns five.  While I have time with my daughter, it is not enough to make the impact I would like.  My ex wife is extremely religious, I however am not.  Would it be in my best interest to become involved in a church or would it be sufficient to get her involved in other activities, such as helping at a shelter? 

[Giggles]

What you do with your daughter on your own time is your business.  How old is your daughter now?  Why wait? I think the sooner the better...but that is just my opinion.

Most of the time what determines a true "joint custody" depends really on where each of you lives in proximity to the other parent.  Your ability to effectively communicate with the other parent and a really detailed parenting plan!! 

When my OD was about 15 months old, my X and I did 50/50 joint and it really worked out well.  We did it week to week and Friday's were the switch days.  Friday morning I would drop her off at daycare after my week and then my X would pick her up from daycare that evening for his week.   Plus, during that week, the other parent would get one night...ours was Wednesday night...so say it was my week to have OD...on Wednesday, he would either pick her up from daycare, or if he had to work late, from my house...go have dinner with her and then bring her back.  The point is....SHE LOVED it!!  Because this meant she was able to be BOTH Mommy and Daddy's "Special" girl.

I wish more courts would work custody this way...I think "divorced" kids would benefit soo much from it!!!

[wrb]

Our final judgement does not allow for me to petition for more time until she turns 5.  She just turned 3.  Apparently I have to prove myself before I can be awarded more time.  To date, I have done nothing which would indicate I am not capable of caring for my daughter, other than it was I who left.  She is extremely bitter, even though she remarried after 6 months.  I want  the court recognizes that I am doing everything I can to secure a healthy balanced relationship with my daughter, which is why my companion suggested a routine such as church, which HUGE in my daughters mothers life.  Having so little extracurricular time with my daughter, it is difficult to involve her in classes  or organized activities.  My weekday schedule with her is different every other week.

[Kitty C.]

If your current judgement allows for you to ask for additional time when your daughter turns 5, you've got a huge advantage.  I've never heard of incorporating the possibility of petitioning for more time at a later date in a final order.  But remember that your order must be very specific about that.

But, the only way you could request a modification of the current order is if there's been a 'significant change of circumstance' with the child.  And that term is often interpreted many different ways by different judges and jurisdictions.  Just wanting more time isn't enough.  And it sounds like your ex might be bitter enough to try to deny you what little visitation you already have ordered.  If that happens, you will need to document well enough to provide solid proof to the court that she's been in contempt of the order.  And it will probably have to happen quite a few times before the court will pay attention.  Even then, be prepared that they may only slap your ex's hands and tell her not to do it again.

I'm not trying to 'rain on your parade', just trying to give you a realistic picture of what can happen.  Something else to think about:  it's possible that the finagling behind the scenes on your option to petition for more time later was done with the thought of attempting to deny you visitation so that when the time comes that you can petition for more time, your ex can point at the lack of time you've spent to deny your request because you haven't exercised what you already have.  Doesn't make sense and it's certainly not right, but if she's as bitter as you say, it certainly wouldn't surprise me.  You will have to stay on your toes all the time on this.

[MothersGetARawDealToo]

Isn't her new marriage a change in circumstance?  Those custody/support agreements can be modified at any time in California.  Good luck

[janM]

Isn't her new marriage a change in circumstance?

The only way the marriage would be a factor is if it negatively impacted the child's life, for example, if stepdad was abusive. A change in one of the parents' lives won't count, again unless it affects the child for the worse.