PLEASE help - we have a crazy schedule!! We need new suggestions

[OHIOFAMILY]

I have 2 children, one with my very recent ex from the past  6 years, and one with my ex husband.

My ex (firefighter) and I have a 2 year old, and my ex lives 45 min away from me
My ex husband and I have a 10 year old, he lives across the street from me

I want both fathers to see the boys...but our schedule is ridiculous bc of the schedule of my firefighter ex.
His schedule dictates everything frankly...mine, my 10 year old sons, the 10 year olds bonding time with his 2 year old brother, even my ex husbands schedule is dictated by it all, my work schedule, the gym schedule, the 2 year olds nap schedule, his daycare schedule, the 10 year olds sports and extracurricular schedule...it is crazy around my house - the boys are never together on the same nights, or weekend days, there is WAY too much driving involved and time in the car for a 2 year old - and it's not fair to have the 10 year old drive all the way across town to drop or pick up the 2 year old - it's so tough.

My firefighter ex works 48 on and 36 off.  But the problem is that the schedule ALWAYS changes - it rotates obviously and leave zero room for scheduling really anything. I cant expect my 10 year old not to have a consistent schedule, or the 2 year old. I also dont want the 2 year old to be away from his home, the 10 year old or me for 3 days straight at such a young age.

Any suggestions?

[Giggles]

First and foremost...get over yourself.  It isn't all about you it's about those boys and their right to have BOTH parents in their life.  It sounds a bit like you're trying to eliminate the Firefighter from your youngest life because it's soo hectic?  I really don't see what the problem is because the age difference is so vast 10 y/o and 2 y/o....pretty much not going to be doing much together to begin with!!

Question...why can't a 2 y/o be away from you for more than 3 days?  My X and I did 50/50 custody with our then 15 month old and it worked out GREAT!!!  We did week to week with the exchanges on Friday....the best part is that our daughter learned early on that she could love us both equally and that she could rely on us both.  My X and I learned that we could CO-PARENT our daughter and now that she's 16 she gets a little annoyed because X and I talk and agree on what she can or can't do.  In other words, she's tried to play us, but found out quickly that didn't fly!!

Another question....Why do the kids have to be on the same schedule?

I have a 16 y/o and a 9 y/o...I wouldn't dream of making them do the same things because they are so vastly different...but as a Mom, I put their needs first and I work around them.  Yah life is hectic sometimes, but my kids know that they can rely on both of their parents because they are allowed to love them equally.

Perhaps if you talked to both fathers and asked them for some help, your life wouldn't be so hectic.  Since one Dad is across the street, do you have 50/50 shared legal and PHYSICAL custody?  If not, then WHY not?

[allajody]

I too understand the "hectic" scheduling...dh and I have 7 children together 5 that live with us full time and 2 that live with us eow/end during the school year and are suppose to live with us eow during the summer.  2 of my kids go to see their dad also so I try to do my kid's schedule to the point as having the family together if at all possible... but if dh ex decides to change dh parenting time I do not change my ex's.   yes it is nice to have the family together but I realize that at times that might not happen and what is important is that my children see their father.   

[boilergal]

45 minutes in a car for a two year old is not too much. If the father of the 2 year old is off, then why can't he just pick him up and drop him off? Both boys need their dads and that is really more important than activities. They are both entitled to time with their respective fathers. It's the children's time to be with their parent as much as it's the fathers time to be with their son.

If the older son's father is close, then can't he help run OS to activities?  If you feel it's unfair for OS to be in the car for YS drop off/pick up, then why doesn't older son stay with his dad during those times?