Custody Issues

[jenette]

Hello, First sorry for the book, but I have to explain the story so here goes....

My husband and I divorced about 10 yrs ago.  It was very bitter and lots of fighting for about 5 yrs.  He was abusive during our relationship and was terribly overbearing with our two sons.  Well, we finally agreed on joint custody with me having physical custody.  He moved to another state (CA)but maintained liberal visitation.  I was in AZ.  He was ordered to pay $450 child support.  He HATED paying child support.  He stopped for a while and then they attached his tax returns which really made him mad.  He only paid support for about a year and then convinced me through threats and coercion to change our custody agreement.  He had full custody of one child and I the other.  That way he did not have to pay support.  We then made a verbal agreement (also after much disagreement and threats from him) to take the kids every other year.  With alternating vacations etc....If he had them for school, I got them for vacations, and visa versa.  

Well, last year I had both boys from August '03 until May '04.  Then he was to take both boys for the summer and school year.  He decided he just wanted the older boy as he was starting high school and wanted to get him going in football.  He has convinced the child he can make him a "pro player".    So I kept the younger son for the summer and he took him when school started.

At this point, I decided it was the best time to move back to CO....where I was born and raised....and all my family lives here.  Not three months after school started, my ex phoned saying my youngest was getting horrible grades and he was sending him to me (I guess as a punishment).  Needless to say, I welcomed having him but he convinced his dad he would do better and so dad kept him.  

Now comes the problem....I have been attempting to get ahold of ex to find out times for sons to begin their time with me.  With the full understanding that since the oldest son just started high school this year, it would be best for him to finish his schooling there.  I still expect to have my summer visitation.  He told me that the kids get out of school June 3 and oldest son starts football on June 6 so....no visits with him.  I then called the school to find out about dates, scheduling, etc.  

First, I am not a parent of record for the child.  So I called him to have that changed.  Second, I discovered that he does have from July 15-August 9 off of football and school.  I phoned ex again telling him I wanted him for two of those weeks.  He informed me that the most he was willing to do was 1 week because son needs to train.....I am not so sure that he does not have the child on steroids as he has gained about 50 lbs since Christmas and he is only about 5'9".  I know ex-did steroids in college to play football.  That is an entirely different matter though.

Then, about second son.  I told ex I wanted him beginning when he is released from school and then if he chooses would love to have him stay as we had previously agreed.  He is 11 so I don't have a problem with him staying here for the school year or returning to CA.  Well, ex hit the roof, stating that he wanted support, I would not be allowed to claim children for taxes (we currently each claim the child that we have the legal custody of), he stated I need to provide them health insurance (which up until my move to CO, I have done since their births).  He stated that he would have the kids take the stand to tell the court that they don't want to live with me.  

This, I am afraid will once again turn into the battle it was before, where he coerces the boys into saying what he wants them to.  He makes a significant amount of money and is able to buy them everything they want, live in a 4,000 sq ft home and has the personality to intimidate them and hire a high priced attorney.

I on the other hand, have been a teacher in Arizona and am starting a new career in Real Estate in CO.  I have a decent home and provide the necessities for my children but can't afford the luxuries he can.

I guess my question is where to begin.  I dread this fight and am frightened of getting into battle again with him.  He will begin with the threats and intimidation of me and my children and I just hate it.

Do I just send him the plane tickets for the boys and then if they don't show, file for visitation as there is currently no visitation established?  Do I wait to see if oldest son arrives in July and then keep him since I have total custody of him?  

Any help would be appreciated.

[CustodyIQ]

What do the current court orders state with regard to custody and the parenting schedule?  And in which state are those orders based (i.e., AZ or CA?).

After hearing that info, I can offer some thoughts.