what do you think?

[gemini3]

I don't think that CPS will get involved in that.  In Minnesota there are no guidelines on how old a child must be to be left home alone.  It is acceptable for a 15 year old to babysit a younger child for up to 24 hours.

See below from http://www2.nccic.org/poptopics/homealone.html.


FAQ - At what age may a child be left home alone and for how long? (2000), by the Dakota County Attorney's Office, states
[BLOCKQUOTE]
C. Dakota County accepts the following guidelines for older children providing supervision to younger children:
[/BLOCKQUOTE][list=1][list=1]

• It is acceptable for children ages 11 to 14 to baby-sit, with theexpectation that the parent, guardian, or caretaker will be returningto supervise the children later that same day.
  
• It is acceptable for ages 15 and older to baby-sit younger childrenfor more than 24 hours. (Please refer to VIII.A. Decision to AssessReports of Unsupervised Children.)

[/list]
This resource is available on the Web at http://www.co.dakota.mn.us/attorney/FAQ/Faq19.htm (http://www.co.dakota.mn.us/attorney/FAQ/Faq19.htm).

I'm not saying that you're not correct in wanting a good environment for your SD - I'm just saying how the courts are going to look at it.  In the eyes of the law, her mom hasn't done anything wrong by leaving her with a 15 year old.

[LIBBYSMOM2]

What is everyones opinion on the mother disconnesting her home phone when it states in divorce decree that which ever parent has SD that "they" (being the operative word) must provide communication to the other parent?

When SD asked (mom) to live here at end of summer this year when we took her home by the time we returned home and called her the next day her home phone was disconnected we had to provide SD with a cell phone in order to talk to her.

Mom said she wasnt going to pay for a phone SHE didnt use. Then told us she would have to talk to her husband about putting SD on thier cell phone plan being the plan was in his name, then reported to us he said no.

But then like 2 months later whne topic was brought up agian later she said her phone was bought by her boss and was a "work phone" an cannot allow SD to use it as she pleases.

One time we was talking to SD on her prepaid phone WE bought and ran out of air time, so we called her mom's cell to at least say our goodbyes and tell her we would add more minutes in a few days, well all we got was ex and she said nope you wanna talk get her miniutes on her phone and we could hear SD crying in back ground.

So my husband told her of the divorce statement, the next day says she called her attorney and he supposedly told her she does not have to have a home phone as long as she has cell (ya fine but she left out the part she dont let SD use it).

What we deal with just to communicate with my SD is beyond reason, I dont hate the mother, I feel for her that she has to make everyone so miserable I honestly do pray for her, she must have some deep rooted issues, to act the way she does, she is hurtful to most of all her daughter, she is a compulsive liar (not being cruel, but have dealt with her for almost 8 years, even when I use to go out and beyond my way to befriend her for SD sake.)

I know noone has the perfect answer and I appreciate the feedback I get, just fustrating to know we do deal with alot with her and may not be detramental to SD in most ways the courts will see it but this woman is hurting her daughters mental wellbeing by all the bull she pulls.

SD is seeing for herself what her mom is like and does and is why she wnats out. I use to tell my husband to never speak badly of her mom wont do no good, (and not a right thing to do only hurt the child) in time mom will burn her own bridge, and it has begun.

[Gestalt]

LM...as a mediator I deal a lot with figuring out what can work, especially when court doesn't look like the most productive option (and if you think mom has a bad attitude now....wait til after dad and the "new mommy" try to take away her daughter...)

There is always an entire "option spectrum" the goes all the way from the ridiculous on one end to the ridiculous on the other, it's not just court or no court.

I'm going to throw out some options and you just think about them. Not saying any one of them is the right one...they are just options.


1. Skip the prepaid phone- get a parental control phone that only makes and accepts calls to a number you pre-program in- (your number)

2. Moving to mom's area is an option- an inconvenient option to be sure- but the one most likely to address every single issue and goal regarding the child. Te money saved in transportation costs could makes up any difference in income or cost of living.

3. Dad can try to talk to mom, not in the - hey you are doing all of this wrong way- but in the- you and I both know this sitch has sucked for a long time, what can we do together to make this comfortable for the next 7 years?

4. Dad could travel to daughter's area on a regular basis to spent time with her and give her more of his influence since he is worried about mom's example.



This is only 4 options.....there are probably a ton more, but these seemed the most reasonable to me off the top of my head.

[LIBBYSMOM2]

Gestalt, I like the phone idea, and would be willing to do this even pay the bill direct, but if we have to rely on ex to get it hooked up and set up since it will be in her home, and we are so far away, I dont see it happening she had the phone taken out in the first place to dampen communication with SD & us to begin with, she didnt unhook phone in 4 years till SD asked her mom if she could live with us.

We also tried the nice talk to her even to just give it try temparily, no changes in papers for a trial babsis, she how SD adjusted and liked it, would completely work with her...NOPE.

As far as moving back to her area, well I dont think that is an option, my husbands job is secure, has many amenities to give up couldnt find work back there that has the same to match it. He works in window plant and has worked very hard to climb the ladder to where he is at, (not to mention the window plant closing in Chicago area-and thats pretty close to ex's area).

Not to mention we have 2 other children who are and have been in this school system for 4 years now, and are very happy, we have an excellent school system, we are ranked 12 out of nation, I too work there.

i guess our option is to go with it and do our best to prove our points our attorney will advise us on how to go about it so we dont come hateful agianst mom and is more than just "feelings", we do not hate her mom just dont see it to be the best place for SD to have to live in.

Like Friday she stayed home from school was supposedly sick, but yet her mom took her to her freinds house on Friday night dropped her off didnt pick her up till Sunday night (we talked to her about 7pm was still @ friends), and then come Monday morning SD got up shut off her alarm and was starting to get ready and her stepdad told her to go back to bed it was "to cold" to go to school, SD called me told me this and then later found out it was HIS decision, not schools, she in fact did have school on Monday.

Then spent all day at home with stepbrother (brought him over to babysit) mom and stepdad gone all day he had to work, and mom had a "meeting at work".

[Kitty C.]

LM, I think what Gestalt is referring to is a cell phone.  You can buy it, activate it, and pre-program it so that the only calls that can be made are to you and/or 911.  That removes the possibility of the BM using for herself.  But you also run the risk of the BM taking it away, as well.

One suggestion I have heard before is getting an 800 (toll-free) number for your SD that she can memorize and use absolutely anywhere and any time and the only way the BM can interfere with it is to prohibit her from using the phone.  I would recommend that if you try a toll-free number, that you also have the availability to have that number forward, possibly to your DH's cell number, so that no matter what, she can get in touch with him any time, regardless of where he is.

[LIBBYSMOM2]

Ok that is an idea will check into the 800 number for our home number, will at least make it easier to call us when at someones house so not to charge their bill. Thank you!!!!

[Davy]

I'm responding to the overall living arrangements of your SD.  Considering mom's lifestyle, is it possible certain other criminal activities or neglectful acts might exist ?

Is it possible you could get mom to agree (without atty, court involvement) to collect CS while SD resides with you.  Eventually you should have standing to take custody.  Like others have posted the courts probably will not rule for the child (especially ILLINOIS).

[LIBBYSMOM2]

I KNOW WE HAVE HAD SAME WORRIES ABOUT THAT, WITH ALL THE DIFFERENT PEOPLE SHE LEAVES SD WITH. PLUS HER LAST MARRIAGE BEFORE THIS ONE WAS DIMENTED AS WELL WE HAVE HER WEDDING PICS WITH SD THERE THEIR MAIN WEDDING PHOTO WAS HER NEW GROOM HOLDING A HUGE BUTCHER KNIFE TO HER THROAT SHE ALL DRESSED MORE FOR FUNERAL THAN A WEDDING SD WAS 4 AT TIME.

WE WOULD OFFER HER THAT BUT THEN SHE COULD TAKE SD ABCK AT ANY TIME SHE WANTED TO OR CALL LAW SAY WE KIDNAPPED SD AND TRUST SHE WOULD. BUT THANKS FOR INPUT
AS WELL AS CONCERN.