Christmas Visit up in the air.... needing to vent

[awakenlynn]

SD is 15 now.  We got our CO finalized in TX in June 2008.  It states we get visitation over the Christmas holiday from 6pm the day the child gets out of school until Dec. 28th on even years.

Ex has until November 1st to let us know if she will be flying or driving SD.  If she drives we are court ordered to meet in a specific city in IL at noon.  If she chooses to fly then its the first available flight after 6pm the day school lets out for the holiday and it must be non-stop.

Ex didn't notify us until 11/3 that she was going to fly SD.  We have been notifying her that the flights that we are supposed to use Dallas to Moline have not been avail for months!  So we picked the next closest airport.  It still leaves from Dallas, but it flies into St. Louis.  Ex finally agreed to the flight saying SD had to fly (ex's husband is coming home from overseas).  So we bought the ticket the same night she agreed.

So we send the ex the flight information as court ordered 10 days prior to the flight.  She waits until Monday--now 4 DAYS before the flight and says she found one Dallas to Moline and if we don't change the flight she won't put her on the flight.  What is the big deal!!!  Either way SD is flying out of Dallas!!!  We had found a flight on the 19th, but ex would have had to pull SD out of school to make the flight and we as NCP's are not allowed to do that.  The second flight is the last flight of the day and according to the airline rules, children cannot fly out the last flight on any day.  She waited so long it will cost at least $500 extra to change the flight and pay the difference.  I don't even have money for Christmas, where am I supposed to find an extra $500!!!

So we contacted our attorney and he told us to mail a letter to ex stating she had agreed to the flight Dallas to St. Louis and that she needs to put SD on the flight.  We also reminded her that the court said she is required to either flyor drive, so if she doesn't put her on the flight, she had better start driving (its a 16 hour drive and usually she drives because ex's family is in IL). 

Ex called throwing a fit earlier wanting to know what we were doing.  DH isn't supposed to answer, but let the voicemail to pick up the message.  He just told her that we mailed (overnighted) a letter to her (it was supposed to be delivered this evening) and reminded her to either fly or drive (nicely).  She doesn't have any other option.  And he hung up when she started her bigger hissy fit.

Now we wait and see.  Our attorney is going to have to go back to court, we don't see any other choice, we have to have some consequences built in when she does this again.

Thanks

[Gestalt]

Hopefully she calms down and puts kiddo on the plane!

[awakenlynn]

Well, DH got out of work early Friday, we packed up the family and headed to St. Louis.  We blew out a tire halfway there, in-law's came and grabbed the kids.  We kept heading to St. Louis and found out almost there that ex was not putting SD on the plane.  She didn't like the flight so she wasn't going.

We said fine, you are court ordered to fly her or drive her.  Since you are not putting her on the flight then you need to start driving.  She didn't feel like driving so she wasn't going to.  So DH is devastated, her three siblings (all younger) are devastated and I just want to stomp on her.

Hubby talked to attorney Friday, pretty much knowing she was going to do this (2 Christmas's in a row).  Attorney was drawing up the papers and had contacted the judge.  The judge had warned ex not to pull this c***p and had better not see her in court again.  Judge was seriously PO'd.  Ex is going pro se and doesn't know the law, so we are suing for all the costs we lost (gas, airline ticket, tire); I would like the judge to add a bond to each flight for ex to cover when she pulls these stunts and punitive damages (and yes i know that is probably unrealistic) AND to make ex drive her rear drive SD up here for the rest of the court ordered visitation and as an option for her to drive is already available per the existing court order she shouldn't have a problem driving up monday or tuesday.

Lynn

[Gestalt]

I'm sorry that happened. I don't know what people are thinking sometimes.

Realistically, I doubt she'll get too much in punitive damages, and I doubt you'll get reimbursed for the tire...but I think you have a good shot on the plane ticket and the fuel, and I think a bond for future flights is a great motivator for her to follow the rules in the future....don't forget to ask for make up time as well

[MixedBag]

crossing my fingers and toes for you and dad that the judge sees it your way.

Dealt with an EX for years who gave us fits.....and eventually the kids saw through her and made a choice she wasn't too happy with.

[awakenlynn]

Well, we are going to ask for everything and see what we can get.  We talked to the attorney today.  He has to double check some things but we should hear back from him by 12/30!  The courts are swamped.

But I cried alot today.  We only get to see SD 3-4 times a year, so even if we get make-up time later on, ex still won--she got the Christmas visit that she wanted.  She was mad we refused to switch dates unless she stipulated the change and had the judge sign off so this is her way of getting what she wants.

DH spoke to SD, she was upset that she wasn't coming.  We told her we missed her and loved her.  We reminded her that we had had her ticket and had been waiting for her to fly up.  Seems like mommy dearest told her that we hadn't bothered with getting a ticket, but we had told SD weeks ago that we had one purchased and reminded her again.  We told her that if she has any questions we would answer completely and would not lie to her and that we save all of our papers so if she needs it she can look through them.

We told her we would hold her presents here for her (just because if we send them, they won't be good enough according to her mother and most stuff is for her home here).  She was more than happy with that so we can have some 'Christmas" with her even if it is spring break.

We plan on tightening the court order down so ex can't do anything without permission, the only thing she will be able to do is drop SD off at the airport and be happy that it isn't worse for her.  We did the best we could to follow the court order, but I think technically once we told ex the flight that was court ordered didn't exist, she didn't have a choice but to drive SD here.  Since the flight court ordered didn't exist we tried to follow the intent of the court order and keep it as close to as possible and follow ex's wishes to fly SD.  There was absolutely!!! no change in airports for ex, we are the ones that had to go the extra step by driving 5 hours out of our way to ensure that ex flew SD as she wanted.  I am just so sad, this is not going to be a good holiday, we miss SD so much!   

[MixedBag]

In your motion to missed parenting time and damages.....ask for an equal number of Christmas' with DAD in a row that MOM had.

Consider this idea as well.....ask for a reduction in CS in exchange for paying for all transportation costs.

Then pinch and save CS away, and have dad fly south, pick her up, and fly north.

I'm servious...

my step-kids got so tired of Mom's games that all three of them moved to live with dad (well, he is an EX now for other reasons, but they all three moved).  It took time (10 years for the youngest), and persistence, and it didn't matter what the judge said to her and wrote, MOM did what MOM wanted to do.

Fortunately for my son, my EX wasn't as bad as my EX#3's EX.  We were both long distance, NCPs. 

But even my son got tired of dad and Camilla's games and decided to move once he turned 14.

Good luck!

[Gestalt]

MB- what is servious? Is that like serious service?

[MixedBag]

tired......very tired.