visitation

[shooter]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]In Illinois, what are chances of getting 50/50? Not married but had child more than she did first year. Has slacked off since we broke up and she moved home with parents. Now she trying to say I am not fit .Have court this month. Have temp order of every weekend and every wed supervised.[/HIGHLIGHT]

[MixedBag]

can you prove history?

and can you dis-prove her accusations?

[Giggles]

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffffff]In Illinois, what are chances of getting 50/50? Not married but had child more than she did first year. Has slacked off since we broke up and she moved home with parents. Now she trying to say I am not fit .Have court this month. Have temp order of every weekend and every wed supervised.[/HIGHLIGHT]

You really didnt give us much info to go on...

1.  Age of the child?

2.  location...do you live in close proximity?

3.  what is she stating about your fitness?

4.  Do you have a detailed parenting plan worked up?

5.  Do you have a lawyer?

[4honor]

Shooter, the problem with family Courts is they will always err on the side of caution, which means that the person making accusations will always gain the upper hand until the other person can prove the accusation to be a lie. What this equates to is a HUGE stall tactic for someone who wants to start a new "status quo". The longer it takes you to overcome the courts' misgivings, the longer the accuser gets to set up the current schedule as the "final" schedule.

Before you go getting upset about how unfair that is, think about the judge sitting on this case. He knows nothing about either of you. He is told something awful about one parent  and he is saying to himself, we'll just play this cautiously". He doesn't want the headlines to read, "Judge Dunderhead makes mistake in judgment, child dies". So he is going to make you prove the other person is lying. never mind that it is harder to prove nothing happened than it is to prove something happened.

Get your proof together, set up your strategic rhetorical questions (e.g., Your honor, if Ms. Lyingtoyourface really believed that, would she have sent Jr to my home that same day?)

So remember these things if you remember nothing else:

1. When dealing with the other parent, always behave as if you are in the presence of the judge.
2. If you are dealing with a parent who has made up accusations against you (you drink, drug, sexually abuse, neglect, whatever) don't trust them. Make exchanges in public places or have a friend come along and videotape from the car. By preserving your good name, you are acting to preserve your child's future.
3. Verbal agreements are hard to prove - try to get agreements in writing.
4. Even if you cannot make progress in your battle to be in your child's life, don't give up any ground. A child who finds their parent no further away emotionally than when they last parted, will find security and love in that gesture.
5. Mke sure you love your child more than you hate the other parent.

[shooter]

age of child-2,   she lives in the next town 10 miles,same school district,   I began to do alot of crazy things like breaking things because I could never do anything right in her eyes,very critical, and it was making me crazy. I have been much better emotionally since I dont have to be with her, although its sad becouse I really did love her and tried to please her but she was making me crazy and almost had everyone convinced that I was crazy.    I do have written what I would like to have, at least 3 days per week.  Also want joint legal but she wants full legal.  She wants me to have no rights. I do trust most of her decision and probably would not interfere but I dont want to give up rights.   Yes I have a lawyer

[Giggles]

Very few judges nowdays appoint sole custody....so there is a likelyhood that you will get joint legal.  What you may want to do is enroll in some parenting classes and even perhaps get a counselor for "anger management" this will weigh heavy in your favor that you are seeking these things to be a better parent.

Do as your lawyer tells you and most of all...you are now in a business relationship and the output is your little one.  Do what is necessary to get along with the other parent, but don't be a doormat either.  Get an ironclad DETAILED parenting plan that will adjust as the little one gets older....make sure you have the "Right to first refusal", that all holidays are spelled out as to time of pick up and return and on what days.  Then if she isn't following that order you file for contempt.

You have a long road ahead...good luck