Hi, new here

[JBurke0822]

I guess I will just jump right in.  I am Janet, my dh is Brian, and right now we live in California, although we will be moving back to florida soon.  I have 2 girls from a prior marriage, and dh has a son and a daughter, and we have a daughter together.  We moved out to here last september after Hurricane Charley hit out town, dh's dad basically talked us into coming, we brought my girls and our daughter.

When we moved out here, Brian's x said that she would let the kids come out here, she will not.  We have heard that she is back with her boyfriend who has been arrested numerous times for drugs.  Dh's Mom and stepdad talked to her about the BF (boyfriend) living there, she told them he was not.  We decided it would be in the best interest of all the kids to move back there, everytime he talks to his daughter who is 9 she says she hates it there, and that there mom leaves them alone, dh's son is 6, so she is leaving a 9 yr old to take care of a 6 yr old.

Brian called his kids on Sunday, and the 1st thing out of SD(stepdaughter) mouth was that mommy was leaving her alone, and was gone a long time.  DH wanted to talk to bm when he was done talking to the kids, she hung up on him before she even got on the phone, so he called back, because SD said that BF was there.  Well she finally got on the phone and she started screaming at dh, well he started yelling back about how could she even put the kids in that position, she hung up on him, he called SF (stepfather) who basically said that bm was great and all that.

BM is living in section 8 housing and it seems that she is living off of the child support that dh sends.  We plan on filing for custody once we get back there.  My question is how hard is it to get custody? any help would be so great.  thanks so much

Janet

[Ref]

It seems like a real tough call for you guys. I am not an expert here, but your story sounds familiar.

I can not tell you that you have a good case for custody. I am sorry. From what I understand, you moved away from SD. That will be a mark against you. SD has school and friends there and judges usually don't like to change a child's life around without good reason.

The fact that BM leaves the children alone at their ages is irresponsible. From what I have researched, Florida doesn't have a legal age they can be left home.  They can be charged with child endangerment, but you need to get more information. How long are they left for?

Do the kids call you? You can tell them to call if they are left home alone. When they do, you could call the authorities. Other than that, I don't know what you can do for proof.

I would write a letter to BM certified about what is going on and that you do not think it is a safe situation to leave the kids home alone.

As far as the boyfriend goes, do you think he is still using or are the arrests ancient history? Do you think he is a danger to the kids? Many Florida counties have webpages for public records. You can see if he has been in any trouble recently, or the mom either. Go on https://www.myfloridacounty.com/serv/MyFloridaCounty/ORI/Order?thisPage=MyFloridaCounty.ORI.Order.state.Start

I know how horrible it is knowing the money you work so hard for goes to pay for some lazy person and your kids get to grow up in the ghetto. My DH's ex has been in Sect 8 for about 10 years now, only works long enough to get to go back on assistance and then goes to college. She will be getting her masters any minute now.

You will find a lot of support on this site and a lot of knowledge. I hope this was of some help

Best Wishes
Ref

[CustodyIQ]

Hi Janet,

I think no one is in a really good position to assess how you'd fare with a custody modification... you'll have to wait until you're back on the ground in FL to really determine what's going on.

I respectfully disagree with much of what Ref advised.

DH had good reason to leave FL... i.e., homelessness due to a natural disaster, with hundreds of thousands reportedly still homeless due to limited resources on reconstruction.  DH will easily be able to explain he had discussed it all with BM prior to moving, and she didn't follow through with their agreement.

Once you're back in FL, you may want to sink a little bit of money into hiring a private investigator.  There's a new book out called "Child Custody A to Z" written by a private investigator, and I would recommend that you purchase and read it.  I briefly describe it on my website (in the recommended books section) and have a link to it on Amazon, if you wish to order it from Amazon (or likely a special order through your local bookstore).

The book helps the reader understand the process of building a custody case via gathering of evidence that is relevant and impactful in a court.

Whether or not you can build your evidence will determine whether or not you have a good shot at modifying custody.

And... again... you'll be in a much better position to build your case once y'all are back in hurricane alley.

Most importantly, do NOT threaten or complain to BM anymore.  You don't want to raise her radar that you're planning something.  Let her think that she's snug as a bug, and get someone (e.g. a P.I.) to document the unacceptable parenting... if it's truly going on.

Good luck.