illness

[shooter]

picked son up for visit sat at 9 like ordered , he is 2.  He had a runny nose and watery eyes. That night he had 102 temp. gave tylenol and fever went down. had some cough. next am he acted usual,playing jumping on bed like all 2 yr olds. he was fine the rest of day except no appitite till around 4pm when fever was 103. i forgot i called mom at her work  at 11a to let her know child had fever night befoe but he seemed fine now except for cold. she said ok. so at 5p I called her parents where she lives with child to tell them i was bringing him home because he was ill. had him home by 5:30. They took him to the ER. where he was admitted overnite with dehydration. RSV. came home next day They didnt tell me I found out on my own. Now she is taking our family to court to have visits terminated due to lack of medical care. They never wanted me to have visits anyway. Since court not done yet we cant have him treated yet. Thats why he was taken home so they could get treatment. just another thing to have to deal with.

[tigger]

Is there a question in there?  Or just relaying information?

[shooter]

yes was there something I did wrong here or is this just another way of stopping visitation? BM  and her parents have made it clear they dont want this child to have a father. She has an older child who doesnt have a father either even though hes paying CS

[tigger]

If you're on the birth certificate, you probably could have gotten medical treatment for the child, however, I don't think there's anything wrong with telling the judge that you brought the child to his/her mother's because you were under the impression that you weren't authorized. 

If they have made it clear that they don't want you in your child's life, they will seize every opportunity to make that happen.  Even if it means just wearing you down until you're no longer in the picture because it's just too difficult.  The best weapon against that is documentation and hope that it'll eventually stop. 

[shooter]

I only have the temp visits. nothing else has been worked thru or ordered. no court date yet. I assume I dont have any legal rights yet.

[gemini3]

There's not much you can do about what happened in the past, but you can CYA for the future.  From now on, make notes of what happened while the child was visiting with you - if he's sick, note what time you administered medication, etc.  If you call his mom, note the time and purpose of the call.  Use your cell phone so you have proof that you called.

Next time your child has a fever you could try giving him Pedialyte to make sure he doesn't become dehydrated, and if he's not hungry they also make Pediasure shakes.  It's important that you make sure he has some liquids every couple of hours.  If you're having trouble getting him to take it, try popsicles.  When your child is running a fever and you give him a fever reducer like Tylenol, his fever will go down, but that doesn't mean he isn't still sick.  You should do your best to try and get him to rest and give him liquids.  Not having an appetite is a clear sign that your child is sick.

She will try to use this against you, but the reality is that things like that happen to all new parents.  It is important that you know what to do when your child is sick, hurt, etc.  There are lots of great books out there, but I recommend that you find some parenting classes, including first aid, and that you complete them before your next hearing.  You can then illustrate to the court that you are fully prepared to handle any circumstances that arise while the child is with you.

You can usually find these classes through the department of social services, a local childrens hospital, or your local department of parks and recreation. 

[shooter]

I had childrens tylenol,juice,pedialyte,all the things you use when your child has a cold,fever.also my mom,childs g-mom has been a nurse for 30 yrs,so we are not stupid

[gemini3]

I wasn't meaning to imply that you were, or had done, anything stupid.  I'm sorry if you interpreted my reply in that way.  A child usually would have to be pretty severly dehydrated to be admitted to the hospital, and you asked if you had done "anything wrong", so my suggestions were meant to be helpful.

[Marsha]

I am confused about your legal status.  Obviously you are recognized as the dad by mom.

Were you married?  Are there any custody and visitation court orders?  If so, what is your legal custody?  When you say "since court not done yet we can't have him treated yet"...what do you mean?  Have you been told by the courts not to take child to a doctor?  I would think any parent with visitation rights has the right, even obligation, to take the child to the emergency room if needed.  Unless you have been told by the courts specifically not to, I would request of mom the childs medical information so that you can do  so.

A suggestion I have learned from hard experience, try to get your communications with mom in email form.  That way they are more objective and you have a paper trail when court comes around, if needed.  Of course this excludes parents making a phone call in the event of illness.  That way MOM could have written you before the transition that two year old is sick, and you can be forewarned.  Any flack you've gotten from her could be had over email...and therefore cannot be twisted around in court to her favor.

I think you did fine (I was happy to learn about the pediasure...had no idea), you treated the child, you kept contact with mom, sent the child back when unsure.  The only thing you didn't  do was give the child enough liquids, which now you know.  But you DID still take care of the child by returning him to mom.  So you did not neglect him. 

I do agree with Gemini, sometimes the best defense (since mom is a pill around your involvement and will make problems) is to go the other way and be proactive.  If you took a first aid class you would look like a champ in court.

[shooter]

never married, have been established as father in court and temp visits, but as far as I know she is still legal till we are granted joint legal