every summer we go through this

[CORSET]

Hi guys:
i have never posted to this site, so if any of you have ever experiened this issue any and all read back would be of great help

here goes
my husband is the cp for a 13 year old boy. and has been since the boy's mother left him when he was 10 months old.  the ncp (mother has the boy for the summer and returns to the father upon the start of the school year. here is the problem, the son has informed his mother to tell his father that he does not want to come home for the start of the school year, the son was here last weekend and did not say anything to the father and myself, until he was told that we already knew of his choice, however the son has yet to give his father any straight answers as to why he wants to stay with his mother...
the son does excellent in school and in fact honor roll student, the school district is one of the best in the state of Pa.  
the father has started a new job and from the hours of 4-12 and when probation is over he will be able to move to the 1st shift.  The son never told of his unhappiness and in fact this is a shock to both the father and myself (stepmom)  
last year when husband returned from his deployed with army reserves they ended up going through this mess, and in fact the court told them to get a child counselor involved, it was apparent to the cp and the counsler that ncp was trying to buy his love and ncp mentioned that when son reaches certains ages he will be presented with material items.  also the couselor noticed that ncp mother was a bite over bearing at times... so now here we go again, and in fact this whole sitaution is becoming a bit old.

there are two other children in the household and the son will be leaving to go to a household where there are no other children.. and in fact when he wants to hang with his friends someone has to drive either him or the friends over to the house.
also from what the son has told his father, he has real girlfriend over there.
when the son was living with ncp while father was deployed we the cp family sent him letters and the ncp mother hide the letters from him and never let him keep in touch with us.. and the same situation is repeating itself now, the father is home and there is no communciation and when there is communciation the phone calls are being monitored.. the son wont say anything while being on the phone. so there is dead silence.

last year the ncp mother called the cp family (wife and kids a bunch of pigs and such and wanted confronted with the statement of the son hating the younger step brother guts she denied it.  
all the kids have their own room
the son is involved in the band and jazz band at his school and has friends
this was a normal household where they are agrument and younger brother following older brother to hang with his friends,, and in fact son told us that step brother was invading his space with his friends and when son was told that one of his friends came knocking for the younger step son, the older son got quiet.. i am quessing alot of things here and one of them is that older boy can't handle the fact that he is not the only child (egocentric)
the son gets along with the step sister, and i thought he liked all of us he never let it be known that he did not want to be here with us,,,

thanks for letting me type this very long story
x(

[Sherry1]

ignore his "I want to stay where I am" bull crap, go get him, let him sulk and he will be fine within a couple of weeks.  It is just a ploy of mom to get him to stay with her..

[4honor]

If BM can afford to "buy" his love she can afford more child support. (What's good for the goose is good for the gander).

Get him some counseling as he may be being pressured to tell her what she wants to hear. The mind games are not healthy for SS.  Have your hubby get him the minute it is his court ordered time again and MAKE him do what is good for him. He is only 13 and from the post you have given , he does not appear to have a reasonable reason to change households... he wants to stay w/ mom because his GF is there (the GF that he will not have in 2 weeks.)

The other poster is right, he will get over it. Maintain the status quo, but make sure you watch SS for signs of depresion or other maladaptive behaviors.

[joni]

don't go against your current legal agreement.  don't do anything informally.  if mom wants custody, make her file (and pay legal fees).

sounds like hormones talking.  make some adjustments to accomodate his new found transistion into teenhood and support him through these difficult hormonal times.  it should blow over.

[CORSET]

thanks for replying
yes there is a court order in place and has always been there..
i agree that mind games are not healthy and in fact going to his bm is not healthy, she is always saying she can give a better life to him, however she is the first to have her hands out when camp and hockey needs to be paid for, we are still waiting for her half of a trumpet that husband brought

what happens if this goes to court, how would the courts decide?

does the silbing have to be bio?

[mango]

I have heard a ton of custody kids turn age 13 they state they want to live with "other" parent. I think it's them trying to be in control of their life.

My brothers SD did this too, and the mom let her go with the dad.... Now she says "why didn't you fight for me mom? you don't love me..."

It's like she just wanted proof that she would fight to have her...

I don't have an answer, but would like to know if there is one, my Sd will be 12 this year, and ready to rebel.