BM wants SD to lie to the court!

[*iLUVmySD*]

We're in Arizona. BM is in Colorado. BM and my husband were never married. My husband has primary custody of my SD. SD is 9.

It is no secret that BM likes to play dirty.  She lied during the last court hearing where she was accusing my husband and myself of abusing my SD. She was testifying for an hour and finally after examination and cross-examination the judge said he had heard enough and denied her emergency motion for custody because her testimony was "not credible" on several main points to which he pointed out the inconsistencies in her story to the court and also in the minute entry.

So SD goes to BM's this past week for a school break.  I have posted before that BM has been constantly talking to SD about court and drilling her for information to use against us. BM told my SD that she is going to selling her wedding ring for money for an attorney to "win" back custody.  So this weekend my SD gets back and we're driving home.  During the drive home from the airport, I ask her the standard safe questions, "Did you have a good time?" and "Did you do anything fun?" Her answers are typical and I leave it at that, but my SD loves to talk and we have made it known, ever since BM has started telling my SD everything about court, she can ask us questions and talk to us about it if she wants, but we will never bring it up or drill her for information about her mother, etc.

So of course SD starts talking about the things her mother said:
1. SD said that BM says she will lie and do whatever it takes to "win" custody back because right now my husband is "winning".
2. SD said that BM has a story she has practiced on her other daughter and new husband to tell the judge.
3. SD said that BM told her she has to lie to the judge and whoever else she can in order for my SD to live with BM permantly. SD told BM that she can't lie and that it's not right.
4. My SD scratched the back of her leg right underneath her bottom on acupboard door a few days before she left for BM's house.  According tomy SD, when BM learned of this yesterday on the way to the airport, BMhad my SD drop her pants in the car so she could take a picture of thescratch.  BM told my SD that she was going to lie to the judge and saythat my husband hurt her thereby inflicting the minor injury.

SD has expressed to us that she wants to have time with both families.  She doesn't like being in the middle and she doesn't like it when BM drills her for information about us.

We know that all of BM's recent attempts to call CPS and the local law enforcement on us have failed.  BM is grasping at anything she can to change custody, and honestly I think she may have actually convinced herself and the people around her that SD is in real danger here and it is better for my SD to live there with BM.

We don't know what to do because this is getting out of control.  Should we ask a judge to slap her on the wrist and take another parenting class.  We're not even sure if that would help, but we know BM is out of control on this one.

Any input on my venting would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks.

[*iLUVmySD*]

Well, my SD again went to BM's house for Spring Break.  This time for a week.  The situation seems to be getting worse.  SD came home and told us that when SD arrives at BM's, BM takes her backpack, clothes she's wearing, glasses, everything she brought with her and locks it up in the closet.  SD says that BM is afraid we are tracking her by GPS.  SD also said that BM told my SD that she is afraid my husband will come there in the middle of the night and hurt her.  My SD says she knows that is not true, but BM saying it makes her uncomfortable.  Also SD told us that BM set up a code for while they are on the phone during the week.  When BM asks my SD if she had a good day at school, if my SD says anything other than "school was good", BM knows that my husband and I have been hurting my SD.

I am just hurting so much for my SD.  It makes me sick that BM is doing this to her.  In all honesty, we are beginning to truly believe that there may be some undiagnosed mental condition that BM is suffering from in order to make her think that it is okay to put her daughter through this in order to "win" custody.

To try to help my SD she has been enrolled in the "Changing Families" counseling group at her school.  It seems to be a good venue for her to express her feelings. In addition, my husband and SD have enrolled in a group called "Children of Divorce" that is put on by a local non-profit organization.  We hope that these groups will give her tools to better cope with this situation.

Sorry for the venting and I'm not sure really what my question is, but I just don't know where to start.  Any advice on the possible course of action to get this behavior by BM to stop would be great before we bring in the lawyer.

[ocean]

How old is she?
You need to take control of that..that is emotional abuse. Can you get SD into regular counseling and then maybe the counselor will intervene in her behalf?

[*iLUVmySD*]

My SD is 9.  SD has seen a regular counselor/therapist prior to us learning what BM has been telling my SD.  SD stopped going because the therapist said SD was a happy well adjusted little person and didn't need counseling.  I guess it couldn't hurt to send her back and inform the therapist what new developments have taken place.  Thanks for the advice.  Sometimes it takes a fresh set of eyes to see outside the box.

[lucky]

You might consider a different therapist as well.  Sometimes I wonder what they see/hear....  Because all too often it sure as heck ain't what I see or hear!

[*iLUVmySD*]

SD hasn't seen this therapist for approximately 2 years and he is very highly regarded by the courts, etc as well as by us.  This current problem is relatively new since BM went on the rampage starting this past November.

[lucky]

I don't worry about whether the courts like the therapist - here's why:  We had one therapist for my OSD who was highly regarded by the courts.  In our case, she recommended that all 5 of our kids be removed permanently from our custody and placed in non-relation foster care.  Don't know what crawled up her you-know-what, but we had 3 GALs (3 custody/visitation cases - 3 ex's), 3 probation officers and 2 social workers that disagreed with her.  Thank God!  Life was SOOOO much fun back then. 

In any case, if YOU like the therapist, by all means stick with him.  That's what counts in my book.