Unwed parents who never went to court

[sarasdaddy282000]

Hi, it's been quite awhile since I posted in here.  I have been fighting to get to see my daughter since October 2001.  

A quick recap:  my daughter's mother and I, never married and never went to court to decide custody or child support, thus not establishing myself as my daughter's father.

The mother moved with our daughter, without informing me, until I tracked her down in Gary, Indiana.

I do not have the funds to hire an attorney and travel back and forth to Gary, Indiana to fight for my daughter.  (That would probably entail rough estimates of $5,000.00 for attorney fees, $5,000.00 in travellng expenses to travel back and forth between Kansas and Indiana for all the court appearances).

My daughter was born in February 2000, and will be attending kindergarten this year.

I haven't seen my daughter since October 2001, and her BM (biological mother) refuses to even send me a recent picture of our daughter.

I have tried "Legal Aide" in Kansas and Indiana, and "Pro Bono Lawyers" in Kansas and Indiana.

I love my daughter very much, and I miss her every single second of every single day, and I think about her every single second of every single day, but I am at a loss of what to do?

It sucks when it comes down to money to be in your child's life and your child in your life.

Thank you for listening . . .

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

You'd have to file a paternity action in October 2001 to secure rights to see the child.  Sounds like you'd have to do it in Gary.

Some judges also order reunification services to help restore the parent/child bond, so you may want to look into that.

If you do it yourself, you'll end up paying child support and have some likely small degree of contact with your daughter, especially at such a distance.

Strategically and financially, it seems as though it'd make the most sense for you to move to Gary, so you eliminate the distance.

This means that your battles would be less costly (i.e., no travel), and you stand a better chance at getting orders for more frequent contact with your daughter (i.e., if you only live a few miles apart from the mother).

Keep in mind that child support will be ordered.  You'll be making monthly payments to the mother that can range from a few hundred to more than a thousand, depending upon your income and how Indiana calculates child support.

Especially if you'll be doing this on your own, I encourage you to purchase and read "Win Your Child Custody War" by Hardwick.  Unless the mother is abusive, you stand nearly no chance at getting primary custody.  However, that book would be helpful in getting you as much time as possible given your circumstances.

Your biggest enemy has been your own seeming inaction for nearly 4 years.  You're going to have to explain to a judge why it took this long to file this for a judge to take you seriously.

Good luck.

[speciallady]

I wondered what had happened with you and your daughter...I was the one who used to talk to you via IM and was trying to help you track her down, ages ago.

So sorry nothing has been resolved. Keep hanging in there though.

Feel free to PM me on here, too.

[sarasdaddy282000]

Well, thank you I appreciate it.  My daughter's BM disappeared off the Internet, at least to me.  You know how easy it is to change your nick in chat.  My email address hasn't changed, nor my attitude.  Take care and God bless.