New to this and so completely lost

[CartersMom0905]

I posted this same topic on the Moms with out custody board, and I was told that I actually have custody(which I wasn't totally sure of) basically by default, and that I might have some better luck with advice on this board.


I'm brand new to all of this, and by that I don't mean just this site.I mean having to fight over custody. Let me introduce myself first. My name is Sharon, 26, mom of one, from California.
His father and I have been apart for almost two years now(Never legally married). We were together for four years before he left. It was rocky at first, but him and I were able to mostly remain friends through it, and never had an issue as far as custody went. It was the one thing the both of us agreed on, and never had trouble with. He'd give me a call when he wanted to hang out with the kiddo, or I could give him a call when I needed to do something and wanted him to take him for a bit. No big deal on either of our sides.
Now all of a sudden the past few months it's becoming a problem. The only thing that has changed with us is he just graduated from boot camp for the Marines, and I'm not sure if that has anything to do with it. But now everything is just angry with him. Last minute changes with our son, not keeping his word about when he's bringing him back, doing things like cutting his hair without talking to me, which might not sound like a big deal I suppose. But the big deal right now is, last week, when we yet again had an issue with him bringing our son back when he was supposed to(wanted to bring him two days later), I told him that maybe it's time we go ahead and get a custody order in place, just so we can be clean about where our son is going, with who, when, and for how long. So we don't keep running into this problem. His first reaction was to start yelling,cussing, and to tell me that he was going to take full custody of our son and that I would never see him again.
It's not like him, and I'm not sure what's going on. I've never had a problem with our son spending time with him, I've always encouraged it, he loves his dad and I know his dad loves him. But now with the threats he's been making, I don't feel okay with sending our three year old back over to that house with out the protection of a custody order. I have no way of knowing that I'll ever get him back otherwise.
I need to know if any one has any advice on this situation. Or if any one knows how to get a custody order in place with out an lawyer, which is something that I have noway of affording right now. I'm a full time college student, lost my job three months ago to down sizing, and I don't even have child support to lean on because he's never paid a dime of it in two years(another story for another time).
Any advice anyone can offer would be a great help and I thank you all in advance.
-Sharon