disciplin and step kids

[Waylon]

Davy, you need to get a grip. Seriously.

...while hammering his son because the 15 yr old boy says washing dishes is for women

I'd hammer my own son if I heard him spouting nonsense like "washing dishes is for women". 

Then rebuff a male poster for his child-rearing success or the way he was raised....

Maybe I missed it, but I've not seen anyone rebuff you for being a successful parent. (??)

You think men and fatherhood is trivial.

I've also not seen anyone make this claim, either.

[ksmarks]

Davy I am all for venting, yet maybe starting a vent topic would be better?  Just a thought, that way we could stay on topic. ...

Have a Great Father's Day Weekend!

K

[Davy]

Waylon .. as you should..because you are his father.  That is not the issue in this case. 

Or maybe it is because the father authority is not mentioned except to say he's hardly at home while the SM appears to be ranting and raving making demands handing out penalities, removing privileges, all while lacking respect.  Posters here joined the frey.
Perhaps the father has the full picture and is trying to find ways to bring peace and tranquilty to his household. 

Here's my strong opinion.  SM is an adult and the boy is being raised up and, I suspect, loves / misses his mother who he sees EOW.  Tough place to be for a 15 yr old boy.  SM is losing with her approach ... no doubt it works with the females in the household (they like it) ... all the yelling, etc but it is making this boy resentful, rebellous, etc.

What we should be doing as adults is to be loving, nuturing, encouraging, comforting, and letting the boy know we have an understanding for his station in life while maintaining a dignified but respectful authortarian position with the child.  We as adults should leave our egos behind and demonstrate warmth ... all the dysfunction will go away and then tranqility and responsible behavior will become the new life style.  Being heavy-handed, griping and complaining only makes matters worst.  My concern is for the child not the adult SM.

As for the posters that join SM frey's and look for ways to jump ugly on "Davy" you're simply not helping SM or anyone else that may be reading the post.

Do you realize how much more pertinant responses become when someone (like Waylon) interjects rationality ??

[gemini3]

I have to kind of agree with Davy's point about the kids wanting to help.  I mean, you can only "make" children do things for so long.  Eventually they get old enough to put their foot down, and usually do so with a vengence.  No one likes to be told what to do like they're servants in their own homes.

With my step-kids, we made a list of chores, responsibilities, and house rules.  They get marbles for doing the chores (more or less depending on the job), they lose marbles for breaking the rules.  The marbles can be cashed in for rewards.  They choose how much to do, and how much they want to make.  When my husband and I need help with something we ask for a volunteer.  Sometimes the volunteer gets marbles for helping, and sometimes they don't (the whole pavlov thing).  They climb over each other to volunteer because they know they might get rewarded.

If they want something big and a birthday/christmas isn't close they can choose to earn the money on their own.  We help them make a plan of how much they want to earn, and then what chores they will do to earn the money.  They do the chores because they want to, not because we make them.  But, if they choose not to participate in the household duties they don't get "extra's" - like playing video games, money for allowance, candy, etc.

As they get older some things that they get paid for become things that they get decutions for if they don't do them.  For example, brushing their teeth.  When they were little they got a marble if they brushed their teeth without being reminded.  Now they lose a marble if they don't do it.

We believe that this mirrors life when they leave the home.  We all get to choose how hard we want to work, and be rewarded (or suffer consequences) accordingly.