New and need some help

[Cabby2litre]

A couple of months ago My now EX girl friend and i split due to infedelity on her part. Since that Time i have been taking care of our now 6month old son and her 4 year old daughter from a previous marrage for about 80% of the week. Last week things got messy when she decided to not drop off my son nor let me know where he was or who was caring for him.  Keep in mind she is also under the eye of DCF for neglecting both kids and mental abouse of the 4 year old.  when she finnally decided that i could have him back she acted like nothing was wrong. she has been playing these "games" ever since then. i cant plan anything nor get a full work week in. i have been talking to lawyers about taking full custody but apparently florida has recently changed there laws regarding custody and its now called time sharing.  in either case i have no clue of where to start because i have no money for a attorney and dcf is already down her back. i have many people who have told me that they would testify against her and witnesses to how she treats both of the kids. Do i Hope DCF will find her unfit.  Do i file for paternity on my own or try to come up with the money for an attorney. do i file for custody now or wait for the findings on dcf?  I am totally lost and desperatly need some answers

thanks

[Cabby2litre]

Update i just heard from one of her freinds that she is going to get a restrianing order against me but i have done nothing to warrant it.  Is this going to hurt my chances of getting custody? what should i do to avoid this mess? should i file one on her?  i dont have any reason to and neither does she?   somebody please help

[MomofTwo]

Custody is not a do it yourself project and you really need legal expertise to guide you through it.

DCF findings may be relevant to your case, depending on the findings. 

FL did change their statutes  recently and the standard is not to give one parent sole custody.  In order to do that, is VERY difficult.  It is joint legal custody always, unless one parent has been proven to be a harm to that child.   The revised FL statutes do not always equate to equal time sharing.  Some judges are awarding rotating time sharing that based on the new statute, and some are adhering to "standard" time sharing agreements, EOW, one day a week, rotating holidays, split summers....It honestly will depend on what court you are in and with what judge, but the likelihood of sole custody is not very good at all in FL.

[Cabby2litre]

Thank you so much for the reply,
   I know i should and probably need legal council but i do not have the funding for it.  It turned today a little when i got served papers for a denied RO from her and on behalf of my son  with false accusations.  we have a hearing scheduled regarding this RO but it also says that custody,support,and visitation will be discussed. im hoping it will give me time to expose her along with dcf and the false accusations. i have 12 witnesses that will back me but still real worried. still have no clue about the well being of my son. trying to keep busy and think good thoughts about him.  i will see him soon i guess.

[Cabby2litre]

Also i have been willing to work with her as far as custody and even tried offering help to get housing straightend out for her so she would be able to care for him properly and give him a place to stay with her but she wont get real or grow up.  she is bouncing from place to place with both  of the children with no real home and no money for food.  i dont understand why dcf hasnt taken action yet.  i care about both of them so much and it sickens me to think there is nothing i can do for that little girl

[skoppernick]

Someone please correct me if I am wrong, but the way I understand it is that the process does take a long time. This is the crucial time that the other parent is establishing a standard environment over time, for the child. This is what she can use in court to support the request for full (sole) physical custody, and the restraining order is going to help her exponentially.

Your job is to document EVERYTHING! Make sure that you submit your documentation and evidence to your case file at the court to go on the record. You need to show proof that the "current established environment" is not in the child's best interests. You should base your petition on these submissions.

You mentioned that the other parent has a history of emotional instability and under the DCF's watchful eye... Support your position with these facts, but support your arguments with proofs so that your statements become truths.

Hope that helps!

[Waylon]

This is all good advice. Allow me to insert a shameless plug for a SPARC affiliate that helps document custody time (and other things as well): ParentingTime.net (http://parentingtime.net/)

Someone please correct me if I am wrong, but the way I understand it is that the process does take a long time. This is the crucial time that the other parent is establishing a standard environment over time, for the child. This is what she can use in court to support the request for full (sole) physical custody, and the restraining order is going to help her exponentially.

Your job is to document EVERYTHING! Make sure that you submit your documentation and evidence to your case file at the court to go on the record. You need to show proof that the "current established environment" is not in the child's best interests. You should base your petition on these submissions.

You mentioned that the other parent has a history of emotional instability and under the DCF's watchful eye... Support your position with these facts, but support your arguments with proofs so that your statements become truths.

Hope that helps!

[Cabby2litre]

Someone please correct me if I am wrong, but the way I understand it is that the process does take a long time. This is the crucial time that the other parent is establishing a standard environment over time, for the child. This is what she can use in court to support the request for full (sole) physical custody, and the restraining order is going to help her exponentially.

Your job is to document EVERYTHING! Make sure that you submit your documentation and evidence to your case file at the court to go on the record. You need to show proof that the "current established environment" is not in the child's best interests. You should base your petition on these submissions.

You mentioned that the other parent has a history of emotional instability and under the DCF's watchful eye... Support your position with these facts, but support your arguments with proofs so that your statements become truths.

Hope that helps!

Thank you for your info.
I have been keeping every conversation and interaction documented including time date and what was said,happend,etc.  I have pictures of the condition of the house while she was living in it with both children at times when i didnt have them.  It is Disgusting. I have text messages sent by her that i kept and wrote down of her denying to see or take her son and daughter due to work with proof  that she was not at work.  And my boss said he would testify to the fact that she would come to my work unanounced to drop the kids off at 10 am on some days and i would have to leave work to care for my son and her daughter from a previous marraige. i will let the judge know that i am willing to work with her and always have been to ensure the safety and well-being of My son. but i canot let this go on with the on-again off-again stuff.  we need to have a set schedule and plan and she needs to make some changes in her lifestyle to make sure he is safe, fed, and healthy.  she hasnt even got him his three or six month checkup.  something ive been working on but cant get any of his info because she has been witholding every bit of paperwork. from his ssn down to his insurance, and doctor info.

I just hope i have a chance in court to get this out i dont know what the process is yet but im going to see if i can sit in on some similar cases with the judge handiling mine to see.

This forum and its users has been very informative. Thanks to all.