what do i do when trying to change divorce settlement

[cat dad]

My ex-wife and I seperated 3 years ago after she began seeing someone else. When we first split, she took the kids, a new minivan, and pretty much everything in the house and left me with all of the bills. I had her and the kids on my health insurance through work. We agreed that I would pay her 500 dollars per month for the two children and coninue to pay the note and insurance on the van she was driving which came to a total of about $1000 a month. Shortly after, she got a job with better insurance so I agreed to give her an extra $200 dollars a month which more than covered the premium on the kids. In the divorce settlement, we agreed that I would continue to pay $700 per month cash and the note and insurance on the van. Once the van is paid off, I would give her $1300/ month. Since then, I have been advised to put the van in her name for liablilty reasons and she has had several tickets/ accidents that have raised the insurance premiums. I am currently paying a total of $1488/ month. To add insult to injury, she hasn't held down a job so has put the kids on Medicaid which of course costs her nothing.

The second issue and really the biggest issue is the custody and visitation for my two children. I have a 13 yr old daughter and a 9 yr old son. In the settlement, I am supposed to get them every other weekend and 1 week in the summer. This worked out OK at first but has went way downhill. My ex has went off of the deep end with partying and dating as evidenced by her MySpace page and what my son tells me. She has recently taken in one of my daughter's friends as an "adoptive daughter" and seems to be supporting her with some of the money meant for my two. This has also created a situation where my daughter is no longer coming out most weekends that I should have her. In the past three months, I have had her one weekend and I had to keep the "extra girl" to get that. I am very concerned with what my kids are being exposed to but I don't have real hard evidence of anything very wrong. My other concern is that both of the kids are very close to her and I don't want to hurt them by trying to take custody.

I have remarried since the divorce and have a daughter on the way with my new wife. My ex seems to go out of her way to cause problems at my house since I remarried. I feel like she is using my daughter to spy on us and in the process turning her against us. I make it a point to not talk about my ex at all around either of the kids unless they bring it up and I never say anything negative. We agreed to this as part of the divorce settlement but i do not feel that she is honoring it.

I have been thinking about getting an attorney to re-do the divorce settlement but don't know what to ask for. I know that I need to do something with the situation with the kids but I don't know a good solution. I also need to get the support payments back in line and have the wording changed so that when my daughter turns 18, support is cut in half.

Does anyone have any suggestions from a similar situation? Thanks in advance for the help. 

[snowrose]

Rather than re-do, why not just try to enforce the original custody order?  If your XW is ignoring the current one she can just as easily ignore a new one.  Might be better to try to go for contempt than a new visitation schedule.

[MomofTwo]

I agree with previous poster...you need to file for enforcement of your existing visitation schedule.  None of what you wrote is a basis for a custody change.  To get a custody change you need to show a change in circumstance and how this change is in the best interst of the children.  It is a big deal to the courts to change custody and is not readily done.

Unless Mom is partying in front of or with the children and putting them in harms way it is not a reason to change custody. Her taking in a child who needs care is not a reason to change custody.  You being remarried and having more children is not a reason for a custody change, nor is it in many states a reason to decrease child support. Additionally, state depedent, child support for two does not get cut in half upon the elder child reaching the age support is no longer paid.  Many states continue at the amount until the subsequent children reach the age it is no longer paid. 

You have no proof about not speaking unkindly regarding each other and not only that, that is a feel good order which is impossible to enforce.  It is not a basis for custodial change. The problem with changing your support order is it what you agreed to.  You can file for a modification but unless you were involuntarily let go from your job, most judges are not going to decrease or change the amount.  Subsequent (your new child) in many states is not a reason for a decrease in child support, some would allow it and some won't actually increase support if she asked for an increase.

You need to file for enforcement of your existing visitation schedule or file contempt, but if you haven't pursued visitation and let it be your daughters decision, you will have problems with contempt.