Q: who would be the petitioner & other ?'s

[LadyS]

DH petitioned for right of primary residence, of his child [14], back in January..per his child's request & in DH's consideration of child's best interest.  He received temp orders giving him this. 

Final hearing was set for this past May.  3 days prior to hearing (on mom's bday), child signed preference to live w/mom.  Mom requested Judge meet w/child in chambers.  At hearing, Judge met w/ child for 1 hour.  Judge ordered no changes..father keeps right of primary residence.

So, DH still has the temp order from January.

2 weeks after hearing, mom had attorney send settlement offer.. mom primary, DH standard visits, no cs, she pay health insurance.  DH replied that its only been 2 wks since Judges orders for no changes..so no. Also, that he wouldn't agree to standard visits (as he had more than standard prior) or to not pay cs.

Now we receive CO's for DH to review, sign, and return to her attorney.  DH is not agreeable to these
CO's.  The footnote (bottom of co pages) state mom's name.  DH sent mom email stating he can't agree to stuff in the co & they never came to agreements before CO was drawn up.  Mom will not reply even though DH wrote that he will work w/her toward agreed terms.

1.  Should these CO's list dH as Petitioner?

2.  Should they list mom as person w/ exclusive right to designate primary residence & therefore the right to consent to Mod by her signature?

3.  If she takes us back to court can we have her pay our costs & fee's?

4.  Would the Judge be understanding of DH not agreeing to the following:

Mod would give mom no geographic restriction, no cs for child..would make DH's health insurance secondary (hers is new, cheap, and inadequate) & there are some things DH would like to request if he gives up/loses primary.

Our attorney said retainer we paid would cover all thru final hearing. 2 days after hearing in May we received new bill & it's adding up each time her attorney sends something. We're broke

[ocean]

There is no longer a lawyer here...

Tell your lawyer you "fire" him until further notice. Then her lawyer will contact you and you will save money. If they bring you back to court again you can either do it yourself or rehire your lawyer. This will save money.

Why are you negotiating anything? The judge ruled the dad is primary, period.

1.  Should these CO's list dH as Petitioner? No, not if they are coming from her lawyer and they are filing them. The only reason I see them doing this is that there is an ongoing case and dad is listed as petitioner already?

2. Should they list mom as person w/ exclusive right to designate primaryresidence & therefore the right to consent to Mod by her signature? NO WAY...judge already ruled on it...tell them to take it to court, especially if child likes it this way..child is old enough to speak to judge.

3.  If she takes us back to court can we have her pay our costs & fee's? My guess is no since these are not perm orders...you are still in the middle of a case... Once you get perm orders and she takes you back in a week then you can file...

4.  Would the Judge be understanding of DH not agreeing to the following:

Modwould give mom no geographic restriction, no cs for child..would makeDH's health insurance secondary (hers is new, cheap, and inadequate)& there are some things DH would like to request if he givesup/loses primary.  I think the judge already stating he wanted child living with Dad, get the child in school by you and drag this out as long as possible. Every time you talk to her lawyer it costs her money. You can request that the now temp orders become perm orders.

I am not a lawyer but been there done that...good luck!

[snowrose]

I think the judge already stating he wanted child living with Dad, get the child in school by you and drag this out as long as possible. Every time you talk to her lawyer it costs her money. You can request that the now temp orders become perm orders.

I am not a lawyer but been there done that...good luck!

I agree with ocean.

First off, don't sign anything from her lawyer.  They're hoping to confuse you and get you to sign something in the mom's favor so they don't have to take it to the judge again - and that's because the judge ruled in your favor.

Get the child in school in your school district.  The courts prefer to stick with the status quo.  Once the child is comfortable somewhere and that place is safe, they'd rather not make a change.  So establishing your home as the child's home and your school as the child's school will go a long way in helping you to secure a permanent order for custody.

Does the temporary order establish any kind of visitation schedule so the child can visit his mother?

One thing I notice, you said something about CO's that list mom as the Petitioner?  You might want to check with the court, then.  It could be that the mom is going to court.  Check with the Trial Coordinator of your courthouse to see if there's any scheduled court dates for your name versus mom and/or mom versus your name.

[Kitty C.]

'Now we receive CO's for DH to review, sign, and return to her attorney.  DH is not agreeable to these
CO's.  The footnote (bottom of co pages) state mom's name.  DH sent mom email stating he can't agree to stuff in the co & they never came to agreements before CO was drawn up.  Mom will not reply even though DH wrote that he will work w/her toward agreed terms.'

This is NOT a CO (court order)....it is an offer made by BM and her atty. to try to get temp custody back.  The judge has ruled TWICE that you should have temp. custody..........that says a LOT.  And the longer you can maintain temp. custody, the more likely the judge will make it permanent.  Judges like to maintain 'status quo' and the longer the status quo is maintained, the more likely it will be made permanent.  All the BM and her atty. are trying to do is scare you.  As for the petitioner/respondent designation, that's dependent on who files (petitioner).  By wording the way they have, they are trying to make you believe that it is an order..........it's NOT until it's signed by the judge.

Learning and understanding the dynamics of the court system and how it operates will help dispel any confusion.

[LadyS]

Much thanks for the replies. 

DH hasn't signed anything.  He did reply regarding provisions he wouldn't/ won't agree to.  She's absolutely livid now. We're hoping that wasn't a bad mistake but worried it would be bad to give no acknowledgement   She told DH her attorney has everything and our attorney will be getting it..Told DH any/all communication will be thru her attorney.

DH enrolled his son in school last year & this year, under our address..pure luck or God's Will

Before the 5th school she changed son to, Mom did give DH prior notice (never before). DH let her know in writing he wasn't agreeable (her church's unaccredited school w/only 20 kids enrolled).  She was going to anyway so DH got her to sign agreement that should she choose to switch child's school again, child would attend this school DH has him enrolled in.. Temp orders restrain child from being withdrawn.

DH's son had to be held back, to 7th grade, when enrolled last year because he couldn't pass state tests, after attending her church's school  

Mom does have standard visitation in temp orders..except after 1st hearing she filed a 'rule 11' and designated to have no week day overnights and waived visitation on any day child has extracurricular activity. We're maybe a couple miles apart & she knew son plays football & basketball every year.

Stepson's grades and school behavior have never been better.  He has many friends, at school, from the years DH coached him in football. DH sought an agreed Mod, back in 2002, to get to enroll son in 1 activity per year. A year later,after much hell, he got it. Before the ink was dry she had stepson enrolled in baseball & soccer.  DH gave 8 months notice each yr to be able to coach his son.

It's sad and we are scared.  She's working on the child big time..promising him things, buying him much. He wrote us letters back when he was asking to live w/ us listing how his mom hated any time he had w/DH. He apoligized for the times he went along w/what his mom was offering instead of seeing his dad etc.  But we know he's still not above her bribes and would/will go along w/her instructions if it suits him in the moment..

When he was 10 he disappeared for 4 hours. We searched and searched w/the police. When he was found, he screamed to the police "don't make me go w/him. He beats me!"  DH already had him in play-time therapy a cple yrs. He told DH and the therapist that his mom told him what to say to the police; & spent those 10days w/us as though nothing had occurred.

It's been years of waiting and knowing another malicious thing is coming..never bad mouthing her or falling to her level.  We never took her to court because she was already tellng dh's son that his dad was trying to take him from her..until his son asked him to..and we don't know if he would lie in court for her

[snowrose]

My personal experience with a girl of 9 and some discussion with her therapist.  A younger child will not go against the mother.  No matter how indoctrinated they are to telling the truth, they will hedge and most likely eventually go with what the mother says - at least while the mother is present.  By the teen years, boys will begin to outgrow this control of the mother and may even fight against it, as most teens do.  Girls may not be able to speak up against their mother for much longer, maybe into the 20s.

With court, do what you have to do to protect the child.  The mother is showing that she will always speak badly of you.  It doesn't matter whether you take her to court or not.  You can't be "good" enough for her, so do what you have to do for the boy and yourselves.

[MrCustodyCoach]

I am unclear.  If the judge issued an order, what is it that has been put before DH and by whom?

Also, don't sign it!