New to board but not custody

[Chuey]

Hi I am new to this board but not new to custody issues.  Quick catch up...I am ncp, my two kids live with my ex.  Court documents show we have joint custody (even though there isn't anything joint about it) and I have summer vacations and long holidays during the schoolyear.  BTW, we live in two different states so visitation is limited.  I pay cs and for all travel costs and for anything they need while here, during which I continue to pay cs.  Now I have found out that the ex is taking me back to court to modify custody, visitation and other...  I have no idea what that means but I do hope that once I get the papers I might have an idea.  Basically I am really confused!  the ex already has the children full time, since I do not live near them I am not a problem.  The children are old enough that I try to have a conversation on the phone with them, but we run into eavesdropping by ex.  So anyway, I could go on forever but.  I am needing any help in any way.  I can't seem to come up with anything other then ex wanting sole custody.  But on what grounds I have no idea.  If that is the case then what would it take for me to try to get the children back here?  Also, would the court appoint an attorney if it was needed?  Like I said earlier I am confused about this, how selfish can people really be?  Would there be another reason for wanting to modify custody/visitation?

  I really hope that at least some of that made sense, I appreciate any help/suggestions...thanks
Chuey

[Ref]

I'm not saying that to be mean. What I am trying to say is you have to stop (as much as possible) worrying about the what-ifs. You will get the papers but only until then will you be able to do anything about her filing. You will drive yourself nuts thinking about it too much.

If you need to work on the case, put together a packet with evidence of why they need to maintain the current visitation. Pictures, evidence of how often they visit (airline tickets, etc).

I'm not sure what she will want, but also think about what you might want. How about spliting transportation costs? What else would you modify on your parenting agreement that you haven't gotten around to? She is opening it up for modification, so use that to your advantage.

In the mean time, paint the house or rebuild and old car or take up jogging. Try to keep your mind off the endless possibilities.

Good Luck
Ref

[Ref]

Please update us!

[Chuey]

My ex is asking for 6 out of the 8 weeks summer vacation, every other spring break, but xmas break can stay the same.  So within the next 15 days I will respond with a loud "HELL No" and take it from there.  Ultimately I would like to fight for custody.  First we are going to respond with my loud no and then include my reasons as well as the interference they are causing.  Custody lawyers and the whole process is insanely expensive.  Going back to court to fight for time I already have is stupid but I guess I have to start some where.  The cost would more than likely leave me with nothing and no judge would give kids to someone with nothing!  It seems like a catch 22.

[Ref]

Actually, what state is your case in?

Usually you have to pass the test of a substantial change in circumstances to have your case heard. Do you know what she is claiming the change in circumstances is?

Well, DH and I live about 1400 miles from SD. We have every other school break alternating halves of winter break and all of summer except 2 weeks and the front and one in the end. This is fair because she gets to spend some time with her friends and has a chance to settle in before the school year starts.

Good luck
Ref

[Chuey]

The case is in Florida, I live in NY.  The papers state that my ex and his wife doesn't get to spend enough time with the kids during school breaks.  Which is completely absurd, seeing as how the kids are there for 10 months a year and here for only 2.  Each day that passes I get more and more frustrated and fed up.  The two of them keep using the kids as pawns or something to hold over my head so I will do whatever they want...this has got to stop.  I only wish the legal fees for changing custody weren't so steep!