visitation during infancy

[parkroger]

This is not a divorce; the mother and I were dating for a number of months, had started drifting apart when the pregnancy news came along.  The break-up a couple months later.   As the bio dad to be, I'm trying to figure out what options i might have for visitation arrangements during infancy and early childhood.  If I'm to be the dad, seems I should be there from the first.  I think she'd rather i disappear, but that doesn't seem right to me.

[anon73]

you need to find your states putative father registry and sign it. Then you need to take her to court to establish paternity, otherwise you have NO rights and she can do whatever she wants. Trust me, I learned the hard way. Offer support during her pregnancy, even if she refuses it. Continually offer it and document EVERYTHING to show proof that were at least attempted to be there for the child prenatally. Document any money you give her but understand that the court may (and probably will) consider it a gift unless/until support is ordered. Fight for EQUAL rights for your child, both physically and legally, and get a clause put in your parenting order that keeps her from moving out of the area with the child without your express written agreement.

[rjmurdock]

I agree document everything. My husband was in similar situation, he and his son's mother were only together couple months. They broke up, we met, then the pregnancy news. He tried to help through pregnancy, gave her money, offered to take her to dr's appt anything he could but when the baby was born she didn't even call. He didn't see his son for almost a month (waiting for court he had no rights she had to allow it) and then it was only for an hour. When they went to court BM claimed that my husband did not offer any help or try to contact her during pregnancy and they just believed her we didn't keep proof. So he got bare min visitation of a two days a week for two hours at a time at her house since she claimed that my SS had many health prob that only she knew how to take care of. Of course she had no proof of this but the courts believed her. What a joke. If we had kept documentation of everything he had done than he prolly would have had better visitation in the beginning. It is truly sad with so many dead beat fathers out there the ones who want to help with their kids have to fight for it.

[MrCustodyCoach]

You need to also get a paternity test when the child is born to make sure it's yours.  Please, please, please don't go just on her say-so or sign anything as the father until you have proof positive that you are, in fact, the father.  You could save yourself a lifetime of problems if the child isn't yours by making absolutely certain.

Even at the youngest of ages, though many will scream to the heavens that overnights with a father as an infant is wrong.  It's not.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.  If mom is breastfeeding, she can pump and make sure that you have enough for an overnight or two.

INFANTS, BABIES (Birth to 18 months): The younger the child, the shorter
but more frequent the sharing; refrain from frequent environmental changes
and try not to leave the infant with unfamiliar caretakers; maintain
consistency in physical caretaking - scheduling of naps, feeding time, type
of formula, etc.; overnight is appropriate for the actively involved parent.

TODDLERS (18 months to 3 years): Maintain continuity - eating routines,
toilet training methods, usual bedtime hour; overnights and weekday access
are appropriate for the actively involved parent.

PRESCHOOLERS (3 to 5 years): Predictability is very important; weekday
sharing, overnights, weekends, and one week blocks of time in summer and
during school vacation are fine for most children. In order to prevent
separation anxiety, the child needs frequent assurance as to when he/she
will see the other parent.