School Attendence Issue

[Otto Mann]

I'm currently in the process of filing for a change of custody of my 17 & 13 yo daughters. I'm the BF. We have joint legal custody. 17 yo is 100% positive she wants this. 13 yo not so sure. The 13 yo is currently having issues with attending school. 17 yo told me that BM had a meeting with the school (principal, guidance, psychologist) and it was decided to home school the 13 yo. She said all they're waiting for is to have the 13 yo therapist sign off on it. Guess the therapist has to come up with some reason for this???? My question is if this home schooling is started and seems to be going well, will it be a reason to NOT change custody?? I suppose with joint legal custody I have a say so about this but I know how much my opinion has counted in the past.........Do I need to nip this in the bud before it gets started???

[ocean]

Something is not right. A public school will not promote you homeschool your child. What is the issue with the child not going to school? When you say homeschool do you mean your ex will do the teaching or the school district is paying for someone to show up at your house? If the district is paying someone then something is going on at school that you need to find out about. I would call the school and find out what is going on. Good luck!

[CustodyIQ]

Hi,

You, above any anonymous person online, are in the best position to decide what is best for your younger child.  None of us know all the details as to why home schooling may be better or not.

That said, you need to raise any opposition during the decision-making part of this.  If you knowingly let it happen and then try to raise a fuss about it, court may say, "Tough luck.  You didn't voice any objection to it, and everything is already in place, and the child is already 2 months into it.  So, I can't see changing everything all around again."

I'm not sure why all of that has been happening without your involvement, unless you've been a pacifist who hasn't been involved and just let mom rule the roost.

The time to voice dissent would be yesterday.

However, it's not just YOUR opinion that matters.  You need to provide evidence as to why it's in the child's best interest to change custody and to keep the younger child in public school.

The answer to your question, will successful home-schooling have an impact on your ability to change custody?

I'll ask back... if the 13 year old has stabilized and is doing well with home-schooling, what sort of judge would say, "Now that the kid is doing well, let's screw with it all again and see if even more change would be good!"

[Otto Mann]

In response to the first reply, at this time it's my understanding that the school system will be sending someone to my daughter's home for schooling. I have only briefly spoken with school officials at this time. I just found out about this yesterday and none of the people I need to speak with were at the school today. I found out about this thru my kids, not the BM. BM was po'd when she found out that I knew about this. She thinks it's none of my business.

In response to the second reply, yes, I have been a pacifist to a point. I basically quit fighting for my kids about 2 years ago after 3½ years of beating my head against a brick wall called the family court system. I walked away and didn't have any contact with my kids for 8 months. Then one day I received a letter from my oldest daughter saying she wanted to live with me. She told me everything I had been telling the "professionals", i.e., BM manipulation, BM lying, that the "professionals" wouldn't believe. She has turned on BM just like people told me would happen (but I never believed) and is now ready to tell the truth instead of protecting BM by lying for her and keeping quiet. Now that she is ready to fight for herself (which I believe is the only way the court is going to make any changes) I'm ready to fight for her again. That is why I'm here. And yes, I agree 100% with what you say. It makes sense to me....if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But I've seen many things in my case that make no sense whatsoever...

[ocean]

okay, if the school district is paying someone to come to BM house then that is not homeschooling. Districts do not do this unless there is a big issue (child not going to class, child threatened at school, sickness for over a week, suspended for whatever reason....then the school under the law has to still educate the child. You really need to get to the bottom of this. I would go to the school if possible a tell the office you are there to find out about your daughters attenedence and if she has been put into hometeaching and what the reason is.

[JW]

My fiancee works in a school, and this is correct. The school will not send someone to a home to school a student for home-schooling. They will send one for home-bound, which in high school is typically someone who has had surgery, an illness, a baby, etc. that will be returning at a later date. The parent applies through the board of education. Also, if a child is pending expulsion, not suspension, that child is entitled until the hearing. This is the policy in KY. There is no school system in the US that afford to send teachers to all homes that wanted home-schooling. ALL the kids would want to stay home. Good luck and hope this helps.

Right now my child has been in three schools in 3 1/2 weeks - technically she is not even enrolled in the 3rd one right now. She has not been in school since last Thursday. I have a hearing today at 4:00 about this. Keep pushing to keep your child in school; call the school daily; call the board of education; call your local family court; call the truant officer. There are options for you to help your child.

[smtotwo]

update us tonite on the outcome of your hearing.  we have had this issue but not nearly as bad.  My stepsons are in their 5th school in 5 yrs.

THey have NEVER started and finished at the same school in a school yr.

[JW]

Be glad to keep you posted - my daughter is in 6th school in 5 years - three of them this year, and my ex wonders why her grades have dropped.

I don't know what other states call it, but my attorney filed a motion for orders Pendente Lite, which are temporary orders until a hearing is set, which could be months or years (how great would THAT be)? And, icing on the cake, my ex, of course, would still have joint custody, but she would be responsible for coming to see our daughter on weekends and holidays, and would have to pay child support. She told me months ago when I tried to negotiate times, places, and money with her that it would be "over my dead body" that our daughter would ever have anything to do with me, this was after she spent the whole summer here?!

I think the poor woman has lost her mind - she's trying to make ME suffer through our child, and that's just downright WRONG. She doesn't even keep her on weekends when I don't have her. Our child is just a powerhold/powertrip to her. She told my fiancee that our child was "the best part" of me, and that she would always have control because of it. My fiancee doesn't take much crap from anyone, including me :(, and her response was "what, a pile of sperm?He's got three other kids you know." My ex was so mad she started crying. I tell you, the woman is immature and insecure both.

Wish me and my daughter luck and good luck with yours. I know some of this was off-track, but sometimes it just cracks me up the things she is thinking. She never used to be this way - I just don't understand why the kids can't come first.

[smtotwo]

Hubby ex told the kids that he wasnt really their dad, that he was violent,had me arrested-said I threatened to kidnap the kids-but at the last visit oss asked if he could live with us!!

That will be another court battle, but just having him ask was awesome.