Knew it was a scam...

[Sunshinestate]

Hi all-

I am back again (new name..used to be sunshine1) as you may remember I inquired some assistance back in July for a good faith move out of state for cheaper housing and a job.  We made the move and are doing fantastic! 

However, I am back needing  some guidance on the new situation. My ex did not agree to the move at first but then we came to a pretty good agreement.  I was shocked at his overall compromise but figured??? He did not want to fight as much as I didnt want to fight.  I figured out why.  In our agreement, his child support was cut by way over half to offset his transportation costs in sending the kids back and forth.  I thought that was fair since I was moving. (background...he hadn't been in their lives for almost 5 years prior to us moving..saw them 7 or 8 times over the summer then we moved)

He had arranged for the children to go on a cruise this month and I contributed my last bit of money to help them to go.  He has since backed out of this and took my money with him.  He also has no intention of continuing to see his children.  (confirmed with a few phone calls and many lovely endearing emails from his wife) Mainly he agreed to let us move if I agreed to have his child support lowered...sort of like black mail...except I thought it was fair if he was going to actually see them.

My question is, if it was lowered, for the purpose of transportation and there are NO transportation costs, or transportation to see him, can't I request for it to go back to the way it was?  Here is the exact wording in our new order...

"The parties agree that commencing June 1, 2009, Respondent's child support obligation will be reduced by $XXX.XX per month (thereby making his base child support obligation $XXX.XX per month) in order to offset transportation costs he will incur for parenting time."



Anyone have this happen to them? 

[MomofTwo]

Your order is way to new to go back and ask for a revision based on no transportation costs.  You have to give it time, about a year, and if he hasn't exercised any visitation by then, then go back and file for a modification, but it will never happen after 3 months. 

[Davy]

Sunshine,

I recall your delimna before your relocation and remembering being happy for you and the kids.
First, there seem to be substaintial benefit to the children and you but moreover, I applauded your ability to reach agreement with the other parent. 

It might just be me, but wouldn't it be better to let sleeping dogs lie  ?   He ALSO may decide he no longer likes the agreement and demands the children returned.  The legal/court fees may be detrimental to the children and may not justify a few more CS dollars if you prevailed in a CS action.

   

[CuriousMom]

I'd have to agree with Davy - I'd let that sleeping dog lie especially if you and your children are happy with where you are.  For their benefit, maybe he'll decide down the road to see them again.

[MixedBag]

I'm in a similar position -- and decided to "let sleeping dogs lie" until the next time ugliness reared it's head.  Time will tell how it turns out in my case.

[CuriousMom]

Me too, MixedBag.  I've been letting him rock the boat every time and just try to keep peace in between.

[Sunshinestate]

See I was thinking that exact same thing..let sleeping dogs lay, but honestly its not even minimum support, its basically provides lunch money and some groceries for the kids.

I was going to let him go about his business, and skip a years worth of visits and then just file for guidleline child support since the sole purpose of reducing it was so he could see his children and the costs of flying are crazy.  We haven't heard a peep out of him (or his wife I should say..he wouldn't speak to me if his life depended on it), he has already missed a week long visit with them, and has no interest in continuing on.  He would rather gouge out his eyeballs and cut off his left arm before he would get on the phone and arrange a flight with me.  He only wanted his support lowered and for us to go away...I just don't get how men /women can do that to their children...just walk away like they never existed.

I am not a hard person to get along with.  I have asked many people if it is me, and I have asked for honest answers.  I have asked people not knowing our volitile situation to read my letters before I send them and have passed with flying colors of being completely reasonable and keeping the emotion out of the correspondence.  I am so baffled as to why you would resurface after 5 years and then just throw it all away because you hate the mother that much.  I don't get it.

Everyone think the above plan is reasonable?  Thanks everyone for your input. :-)

[CuriousMom]

I don't think you're being unreasonable.  It's really a decision you have to make based on the fact that if it sets him off, you have to go back thru all the legal drama again - and you're kids will have to endure it again, too.

With all I've been thru this year, for me personally, I would let the sleeping dog lie.