Getting through to my ex

[Dwayne2]

I have been going through a divorce for a year.  Nothing is getting done, except that I am becoming more and more in debt.  I have tried to talk to my ex-wife about these issues, and would like to settle things without all of the lawyer fees.  How do I approach someone who is so unapproachable?  How do I get it through to her that we are both wasting an insane amount of money? 

[ocean]

Will she email you back and forth so the emotions are out of it?
Maybe she will agree to go to a mediator instead? If not, tell your lawyer you want to file in court and no more phone calls back and forth. You can ask your lawyer to do some of the leg work and even write up the petitions yourself to save you some money. Tell your lawyer that you are hiring him for the court date and that is it...(you can file and rehire if he will allow you to do that so the mother doesnt keep wasting your money).

[MixedBag]

Ocean -- even letters and e-mail can contain emotion.

but I agree -- something's not right and his attorney has answers.

[Dwayne2]

I have tried to communicate with her through e-mail, a third party, and telephone.  Nothing has worked or moved forward.  How can I do some of the work so that it does not cost so much money?  I have given all of my work and information to the lawyer, and somehow nothing is getting accomplished.

[MomofTwo]

Depending where you live, a year for a divorce is not atypical. 

If you have a lawyer and she has a lawyer, that is who communication is supposed to go through.   It would be nice if you two could communicate and be amicable, but if you could, you probably wouldn't be getting divorced. 

Divorce is nasty and expensive and nobody wins. 

You can't make her listen to you, you can't make her communicate with you.   Ask your attorney for mediation and if you don't come to an agreement then, proceed with the hearing.  I know it seems horrible now, but it is better to have it longer to get a divorce and get everything painstakingly spelled out in your agreement then to spend the next how many years dealing with things that should have been done in the first place.

But you have also said custody and child support have already been determined, so there has been advancement in your case.  Have you settled property? If not, that is next then the divorce should soon be final.

[Dwayne2]

We have settled some issues with property.  In the order, she is to give me back personal belongings, and the house in now on the market.  That is really all the has been accomplished so far.  We had three cars together, and I had to get rid of two of them.  Those two were under my name, though she was using and driving one...She dropped it off to me, and I had to have them reposess it.  She went out and bought a new one.