experience needed

[newohio]

new to this,  court appointed a gal, 1 -two yr. old child

visitation is temporary at 2 weeknights; 6-9 pm with one overnight every other weekend


So what should i expect next?   Is there a standard they follow?
ie:  personnal interview, home eval, phsyc.eval

Any specifics they look for?  hints?  advise??

anything please

thank you

[NYParent]

Welcome Newohio...

The first advise I can give you is you should get really good at documenting everything.  Make a journal and write everything (when you talk to BM (birth mother) or the child, what was said, when the child was dropped off was BM on time or late, what did the child look like, general attitude of both child and BM, etc.).  My biggest suggestion would be to try to have all communication come written (emails are great).  As you will read here from everyone, try to keep the emotion out of it and stick to the issue (your child).  One of the biggest mistakes I made at the beginning was that when BM would attack me and bring back the past, I would go with it and try to defend myself.  This doesn't work.  It only creates bigger problems.  Remember, you can never change her opinion of you....you shouldn't want to anyway.  As long as she respects you, doesn't say negative things about you in front of the child and doesn't interfere with your rights as a father, then let her think whatever she wants.

In regards to documentation, when you make any changes or are supplying her required information make sure you send it via USPS.  You can use Priority Mail- Delivery Confirmation or Certified Mail Return Receipt.  This will protect you when she claims that you didn't give it to her in a timely fashion or within the time frame provided in the CO (custody order).  Reference which way you are mailing and the delivery or article number (ex: Via Certified Mail- Return Receipt # xxxx xxxx xxxx xxxx).  I make copies of all my letters after I sign them and then I make a copy of the final envelope once it has postage.  All the copies are stapled and I file them in a binder folder specifically for letters mailed (i have another one for e-mails, and another one for phone logs)

My case was handled in NY and it was interstate (child lived in TX at the time), so it might be different.  During my first court hearing the judge gave temporary orders (when I should see the child, etc.).  Between court hearings I had CPS come to my house and check the living situation.  She interviewed me very briefly (I was surprised at how short it was).  CPS in TX did the same thing with BM's home.  CPS in NY filed a report with the Family Court stating that there was nothing out of the ordinary in my house and that I had enough room to have my child visit me.

My situation with BM at the time (and still is) very hostile.  If it were up to her I wouldn't be part of my child's life.  After going back to court twice, NY judge referred us to mediation in order to avoid trial.  This is where things went a little bad in my opinion....I did my case pro se and BM had an attorney (who was tired of her at this point)....and when we did our plan it was not detailed enough.  If you go through the mediation route make sure that the CO (custody order) is spelled out in GREAT detail.  For example, have specific dates and times for your visitation, phone access, pick-ups and drop offs (with a specific address), etc.  Make sure that holidays are spelled out to in great deal.  Do not agree to anything less than joint legal custody.  Have something that addresses what types of things you two should make a decision jointly (health care, school, religious upbringing, daycare, etc.).  They have some great sample parenting plans on this site.  Read a couple and see what would work best for you.  Take copis with you to court.  Make sure that whatever you agree with it is something you can live with or follow through with.  Also, make sure you have a clause on how to handle any disagreements in the future (mediation, third party, court, etc)

When in court, never lose your cool.  No matter how outragous the things you are hearing.  Always go with the idea that you will have to fight hard for what you want simply because you're a dad.  Although GALs are supposed to be neutral but sometimes that's not the case (that happened to me with the mediator). 

Also, read post here....old ones, new ones....you'll get a ton of information.  Do your own research.  Don't expect your attorney to do it all....remember it's your child.  As the process keep going on, come here for advise or to simply vent.  Having an outlet is important during this time, these cases can be very emotionally  draining.

Goodluck!

[Giggles]

Excellent advice NYParent!!

[MrCustodyCoach]

Be sure you know everything about your child's daily routine when with you... and as best you can when not.  If in pre-school, know the teacher and stay in regular contact... babysitters... pediatrician... favorite things to do... get to know your child in as much detail as you never thought possible, even if you were still together.  Favorite bath toys, wake times, bed times, everything.

Start thinking about the parenting plan you want and will be able to manage and begin putting it together with as much detail as possible.  And never let anyone tell you that the child is too young to having meaningful time, up to and including 50/50 shared parenting.

And if your situation is going to be high-conflict, learn about low-contact and start living it.  Avoid every confrontation as best you can.  No face-to-face or phone discussions about important matters pertaining to the child - everything via email and other written format.

Post-Divorce/Relationship Communications - Low-Contact Principles (http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/low-contact)